


Knights of Awesomeness

by OccupationLove



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Hungary is a princess, Knight-Prussia, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Prince-Austria, lots more characters, not a modern world
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-05-07 00:01:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14658993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OccupationLove/pseuds/OccupationLove
Summary: To be a princess who doesn't want to lead, get married, or fall in line is a tough path to follow. The truth is there is no way to be yourself without upsetting someone else; but, is Elizaveta willing to take that risk? Will she fall in line or break the role she fits into? Will she lead or follow, fight or fly, love or hate? In the end, who has the last say: the world or the girl in it?





	1. Her Cage

**WARNINGS: Not much. Prussia. Most M-rated things are pretty far away.**

If you asked Elizaveta how she was qualified to be a princess she would have told you that God made a mistake. She never quite felt like she belonged in the lavish gowns and marble palaces she always found herself in. She wanted to be outside where the common children were. But not just that she wanted to be where the common  _boys_  were, roughhousing and getting dirty. If you asked Elizaveta, she wasn't meant to be a princess. She wasn't even meant to be a girl.

By the time she was eight years old, the townspeople knew that fact almost as well as she did. Her favorite maid had started letting her come to the village the year before and Elizaveta had already lost count of the times that she had been scolded for running with the boys, for getting her overly elaborate dresses dirty, for fighting the boys and winning, for loving the mud more than she loved the palace.

"What am I supposed to say to your mother Elivaveta?"

The first few times she heard that question it hurt more than any of the scrapes or cuts she got playing around. Why was it bad to be happy? Why didn't her mother like her when she was at her happiest? What was so bad about who she wanted to be?

Later, the question echoed through her being almost as if it was constantly being said. By the time she had ruined six of her best dresses, the maid began to dress Elizaveta in servant's clothing and, honestly, the fleeting moments when she got to pretend she was someone else were the happiest moments of her childhood. There weren't any lessons to take on how to be a proper princess or how to rule a kingdom. She wasn't a constant disappointment of a daughter. Instead of Princess Elizaveta Hedervary, she got to be Eli, just another boy from the village, in a game of pretend that she never wanted to end.

However, the maid always came to get her and cleaned her up for whatever lesson was waiting. She was always forced back into the carefully stitched silk dresses and the weight of her name. She always knew she was reaching for something she'd never be able to have but Eli didn't realize just how unattainable it was until she turned twelve. By that point, it had become a lot easier to tell that she was a girl and the boys re-dubbed her "Eliza".

When their parents realized who she was, the boys were warned to be gentle with her. Somehow, that changed to mean "don't play with her" and she was pushed out of their world and into the world of girls. Eliza felt more out of place talking to the village girls than she did any other time in her life. They all reached for things she was trying to let go of: her tiara, her family's wealth, her dresses, marriage, etc.

So, when she reached thirteen, Eliza's escapades to town ended and she tried to resign to the fate she could no longer escape. She finally became what her mother wanted in a daughter. She was prim and proper when they had guests, she wore her fancy clothing, she didn't go outside and get dirty, and she completed all her lessons without complaint.

The perfect princess.

The perfect little caged princess.

The queen didn't know she went horseback riding in the dead of night just to get away from it all. Her mother couldn't see the fire in her eyes yearning to escape the prison of a life she had been born into. Her parents couldn't feel her fighting to do what was expected of her instead of running away to everything she had always wanted.

They didn't notice how often she looked out the windows and wished for a different life.

When she was sixteen, Eliza had already lost count of how many times she had thought of fleeing to another country and starting over at the bottom of the social ladder. Yet, she never actually ran, never took the first step. As much as she hated it, she was true to her destiny. She would follow what was expected of her: she would be a lady and she would take over the kingdom when her father stepped down. The path was paved with gold, she just had to follow it. Although unhappy, she knew it was what was best for her kingdom and her future to just fall in line.

So, Eliza tried to smother the flame inside her and pushed forward towards the throne she never quite was big enough for.

When she turned eighteen, she was neither happy about her situation nor fighting for the freedom she so desperately wanted. She had accepted the life she was bound to by blood, the cage that was never open. Many yearned for the life she led, she had no right to be miserable. Her days had become a blur of going through the motions, wall up, prim and proper like any good princess would have. Nothing would ever change. She wouldn't obtain the freedom she so desperately wanted; but, at least nothing would get any worse.

Or at least that's what she thought.

Two weeks after her eighteenth birthday, her father pulled her aside after her last lesson of the day and into one of the conference rooms, "Elizaveta, your mother and I have very exciting news for you."

Eliza nodded just like she was expected to and glanced to her mother, standing in the corner of the room, "Yes, father. What is it?"

Her mother's green eyes locked with hers and the queen smiled, looking more pleased with Eliza than she ever had, "The neighboring kingdom has a prince that just came of age to take his throne. Last night your father and I received news that he is looking for a bride and they believe that you would be a suitable wife. Your father and I discussed the idea with their representatives and we came to the agreement that it would be beneficial for you to marry this prince."

Eliza couldn't respond. Maybe earlier in her life she would have fought the decision. The fire inside her would have roared into an angry passion and she would've screamed and fought for what she wanted. But the eighteen year old princess couldn't respond. She was angry, she was confused, she was hurt, she didn't want to be married, but Eliza never got anything she wanted and the fire was too close to dying to fight back. It wouldn't be that bad. She could withstand. It was just one more added responsibility. She would be the leader her parents wanted her to be.

So, she bit her tongue one more time and said, "If that is what you wish of me."

Her father smiled at her clearly proud of her response, "See, darling? I told you she would understand that it was a good thing! She isn't the rowdy little girl you still seem to think she is!"

Her mother nodded, "Yes of course. She has moved past all of that nonsense. The young man you are you marry is named Roderich Edelstein. He's very intelligent and he is a musical prodigy. He is everything you could hope for in a husband, Elizaveta. Try to look a little more excited about this. Not everything has to be a chore or an assignment. We have arranged for you to leave tomorrow to start your new life at their castle. Your marriage will unite our kingdoms as one and eventually a more central castle will be built to accommodate that. However, for the time being you will live within the other kingdom's borders. I do not wish to hear of any trouble while you are there. You are to behave just as we have taught you to behave. Understood?"

Eliza nodded still unable to protest, "What of my belongings here? How will I reach their castle?"

Her father patted her on the shoulder in a brief moment of familial love, "They have everything prepared for you there. You won't have to take anything with you but a few changes of clothes. You will ride horseback to their castle. They have sent a knight to escort you and we will send one of our own. It is a relatively short journey. You should be there by the end of three days if you keep a good pace."

"I will not be taking a carriage?"

He shook his head, "That would only slow your trip. We have already arranged for inns to keep you during the journey. We trust the knights escorting you to keep you safe. You will be okay riding your horse without the carriage."

Eliza nodded, "Of course father."

Then she turned and walked from the conference room to her bedroom. She was screaming on the inside but for some reason, she couldn't force her feelings to the surface. Part of her feared that she had lived so long with her walls up that she had trapped herself forever inside. She knew that her younger self would be crying.

Or throwing things.

Running away.

Screaming.

Something.

Yet, her inner turmoil never surfaced enough to allow her to actually feel any of the panic full force. Her emotions were just as dull as the fire that once raged inside her.

In what seemed like a moment, she found herself on the back of her horse, allowing the days to blur together just as any of her normal days would have. Her guards didn't attempt to speak to her and she didn't start any conversations. She dazedly guided her horse to follow them and before she knew it three days had passed and she sat on her horse in front of a new unfamiliar castle.

A brand new cage.

Eliza was only vaguely aware of her surroundings when the knights helped her off her horse and lead her inside the massive building.

She only focused on her surroundings when she locked eyes with a young brunette man across the throne room. He was standing stiffly on his own in between two thrones wearing some of the neatest clothing she had ever seen. Compared to him, Eliza felt under-dressed and sloppy. If he felt the same way, Roderich did not show it on his face. In fact, almost no emotion passed through his face. He looked just like she felt, walls up, guarded, going through the motions.

A small wave of relief washed over Eliza at the thought that they could be one in the same. That she might finally have someone that understood her desire to be someone else. However, any hope of that was squashed when he started his stuffy walk towards her with: "Greetings. I am Roderich Edelstein and you are Elizaveta Hedervary. I thought that you should be able to recognize me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more important things to be doing than socializing. So, goodbye."

She barely had time to register what he had said before he pushed his way past her and out the door that she had been led into. She blinked a couple of times before one of the knights standing by her side scoffed, "Well I guess he's a prick to everyone then."

She looked at the man standing next to her, "Excuse me?"

The man looked slightly shocked at being heard and waved a hand as if he was trying to shoo the subject away, "Oh. I apologize Princess. It's just that's he's kind of a jerk to us guards. He always has been and it only got worse when our new Captain took over."

Something about his statement brought her emotions into focus and she suddenly felt the thick wave of panic she had wanted to feel three days before. She must have looked distressed because the guard looked like he wanted to comfort her, "I'm sure it will be okay though. His parents just say that he's not good with new people and he's a good guy once you get to know him. I'm sure you'll be able to escape his bad attitude since you're marrying him. Don't worry about it."

Normally, Elizaveta would have nodded and pushed her emotions back, deep inside, where they belonged. Instead, the guard's words proved only to pull them to the top. She didn't know why but she couldn't stop her walls from crumbling around her.

"Now if you'll just follow us we'll…."

She shook her head and bolted the other way, forcing out a strangled cry of, "I've got to go," before running back out the front entrance of the castle. She knew she couldn't run home and she knew that if she did she'd end up right back where she was. So, when the fresh air hit her face she chose, instead, to run to the side around the back of the castle. She found herself at the stables before she knew it, clinging to her horse and sobbing uncontrollably.

"I'm stronger than this. I'm stronger than this."

Every emotion that she had pushed down through the years was coursing through her veins as if an explosion had gone off inside of her. Every scolding, every unwanted lesson, every binding thing that kept her from who she wanted to be was running through her mind.

That was when a new voice piped up, "Listen, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you aren't gonna convince anyone you are strong by sobbing like this. It's the exact opposite of awesome."

She quickly turned around to argue with the man but she was shocked into silence by how close he was standing to her. She stumbled back into her horse with a gasp and stutter trying to fight his accusation. He seemed shocked as well but he didn't back up. Actually, after his crimson red eyes had widened-wait red eyes? Was it possible to have red eyes?- he grinned like he was proud of something, "Well, isn't this interesting. You're the princess that came here to marry Roddy boy. What are you doing at the stables with the awesome me?"

She scoffed suddenly vividly angry, "And just who are you?"

He put a hand to his chest in mock offense, "Who am I? You can't tell me you don't know the awesome me!"

She gave him an once over trying to figure out if she had ever met him before. He was wearing simple low-class clothing. A loose shirt was half tucked into a pair of brown pants which were tucked into a pair of very worn out boots. Yet, nothing stood out to her quite like his eyes. The color was surprising in a way that Eliza wasn't prepared for; but, the way he refused to look away from her was more unsettling. Never had anyone dared to look her in the eye after they found out she was a princess except the high-class visitors her parents always had. Yet, he seemed unafraid of offending her in a way that was unlike any other, "I don't know who you are. I'm certain we've never met before. I would've remembered."

Something flashed through his eyes then-offense or maybe annoyance-and his grin widened, "Of course you would. I'm too awesome to forget."

Eliza rolled her eyes and she opened her mouth to point out how arrogant he was but she was interrupted when the guards she had previously been traveling with started shouting in the distance, "Lady Elizaveta! Come back!"

Their armor clashed and clamored every forceful step they took forward until they stopped in front of her, out of breath, "We have to show you to your room! You aren't trying to leave are you?"

Luckily for Eliza, her tears had dried due to her unusual conversation with the twice as unusual man behind them, "No, I…I just needed air. I'm sorry being here is just a little overwhelming. You can show me to my room now if you wish."

Both of the young men in front of her nodded looking slightly confused, "Okay. Just follow us."

She nodded and followed when they turned around walking back to the front entrance of the castle. One last time, she glanced over her shoulder and locked eyes with the mysterious man behind her. He gave a flick of the wrist almost like a wave and then turned around and walked in the opposite direction with a slight smirk. She followed his example and faced forward once again allowing herself to be dazedly led through the castle to a room much like her own at home.

The guards took her inside, explained that the room was hers and that Roderich's was across the hall, and then left her there to stare out the window at the setting sun. Just below her, was a garden filled with rose bushes, lilies, and cornflowers. Past that she could see the wall that surrounded the castle in general. Unlike her room at home, past the wall, there was no village. Instead, a few houses dotted the mostly wild fields that stretched into the horizon for what seemed like forever.

No, this time the village lay on the opposite side of the castle almost as if it was a temptation that she was forbidden to look at. Out of sight, out of mind. Yeah, right. Eliza sighed and sat down on the edge of her new bed. Somehow, in midst of all the changes, her heart stayed the same. It seemed it didn't matter how hard she tried, Eliza would always yearn for something more. And no matter how hard she wished on every falling star, her cage's bars only got thicker and thicker until one day soon she was convinced she wouldn't be able to catch a glimpse of anything outside.

And that's how her new life began: walls damaged, heartbroken, alone in an unfamiliar setting. Yet, somehow, some way, a small piece of her heart held out hope for the freedom she had long since stopped reaching for.


	2. Her Wings

**WARNINGS: N/A**

_“Ana, you really are too harsh with her.”_

_The words from her father just after she was scolded for tearing a hole through the pretty purple dress the servant had dressed her in that morning. Her mother had left the room slamming the massive door behind her just as Eliza had started crying. Her father evidently had been listening from outside._

_“She needs to learn how to be a lady.”_

_She heard her father sigh, that exasperated note in his tone that was always there when someone had said something ridiculous or intolerable, “She’s only a girl. She’s barely six years old. Don’t you think you’ll scare her away if you keep demanding things from her like that? She needs affection. She needs a mother, not a disciplinary teacher.”_

_“When I was her age, I was already engaged. I was told to sing at social gatherings and study and learn to be a woman. She just plays all day in the town. You don’t even require her to stay in the castle! If someone doesn’t teach her something she’ll end up as nothing more than a commoner with impressive parents.”_

_“That’s exactly the point, Ana. Aren’t you tired of conforming to social politics that were made up by some ancestor who we barely remember? Don’t you want your daughter to be able to pick her own path? So, what if she likes to play in the mud? At least she’s enjoying herself. That’s more than I can say about you and I, now isn’t it?”_

_Her mother sounded like she had started crying, “I want her to have a place in the world, Lucix. What you’re trying to do will never work! You know that! It’s nothing short of a revolution! She either follows the path I’ve laid out for her or she follows no path at all.”_

_Then she heard footsteps rushing away and her father’s deep sigh again. Eliza remembered thinking that it was better that she wasn’t crying alone because somewhere in the castle her mother was crying too._

The next morning, Elizaveta woke up to timid knocking on her door and a lot of incoherent, worried mumbling. She had barely slept through the night before and Eliza had always been a light sleeper; so, she wearily sat up and proceeded to the door where the soft knocking was once again repeated. She sluggishly dragged her feet to the door, slowly turning the knob and pulling. However, when the door opened she couldn't see a face on the other side.

Stunned, Elizaveta moved to close the door but instead, she found the front of her nightgown being pulled on, "Excuse me, Princess Elizaveta. I was told to come wake up you and help you get ready for the day."

The child in front of her stared up at her with wide amber eyes almost as if Eliza was the scariest thing in the whole world. The little girl had chestnut brown hair and was wearing a simple green servants dress. She looked to be no older than six or seven. The princess squatted down in the doorway hoping to lessen the child's fear, "That's very much appreciated. You can call me Eliza or Miss Eliza if you like. What's your name?"

The fear in those dark eyes remained-actually-it seemed to get worse, "My name is Feliciano, Princess Elizaveta."

Felici-? The little  _boy_ in front of her looked nervous and skittish like he was ready to bolt from her presence. Eliza sighed and reached out to pat his head, "You don't have to call me that. It's nice to meet you, Feliciano. Why don't you come inside and we can get to know each other a little better."

Feliciano nodded and followed her back into her room closing the door behind him. He quickly made his way to her bed to straighten the sheets as well as he could; but, his tiny body kept giving in on him with every tug. He was much too small to even be able to get into the massive bed without steps or a ladder and that made it basically impossible to fix any of the wrinkles or uneven covers.

Eliza smiled and moved to help him with the task. He didn't realize she had finished the job until the blanket he was holding onto heaved him off the ground as it was lined up properly with the sheets. Feliciano squealed and let go falling into the floor almost as if he had been pushed down, "Princess Elizaveta! It's not the Princess's job to do the chores!"

She just laughed and pulled him to his feet, "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. Now, do you know what is on the schedule for me today?"

Feliciano's fingers closed around his skirt looking more nervous than he had the whole time she had seen him, "Um, yes ma'am. The King and Queen wish for you to be married today. I-I thought you knew. I'm supposed to make sure your room is neat and bring you whatever breakfast you like and then start helping you to pick the dress you are going to wear. The whole day should be fittings and adjustments and makeup and well everything that a wedding entails."

Eliza froze, "I'm getting married….today?"

The small boy just nodded and then smiled shyly, "Weddings are always so pretty though. I'm sure we can all make you look more beautiful than you've ever seen yourself…What do you want for breakfast Princess?"

She sighed and fought back the protests of her pounding heart, "Can you show me where I would get breakfast on my own, you know, for future reference?"

He looked at the door almost confused, "You won't ever need to know that Princess. I'll always bring breakfast to you in the morning."

Eliza blinked, "Always?"

"Always."

She bit her bottom lip, "Well, can I come with you this time so I can thank the cooks for my meals?"

Feliciano mimicked her, biting his own lip, "I guess so…but I'm supposed to make sure that you don't have to do anything that servants do."

She smiled at him, "Don't worry about it. You are doing your job just fine."

He blinked and walked back to the door, "Everyone is awake already but no one should be in the hallways on the way to the kitchen that would care about you being in your nightgown. Oh! I mean…if it makes you uncomfortable to be in your nightgown in the hallways you can change into one of your more casual dresses, Princess."

Eliza looked down at her long nightgown. Sure, it was inappropriate clothing for a formal event or anything involving the family she lived with; but, she was only going to the kitchens and Feliciano had already told her she wasn't likely to be seen. She shrugged and proceeded to the door, "Let's go."

Feliciano stood on his toes to turn the doorknob and then heaved the door open by leaning back with all his body weight. She had to fight the urge to smile or laugh at the sheer cuteness of the little boy in front of her.

He led her down a hallway to a flight of stairs, down the stairs, and down three more hallways before Elizaveta found herself in the doorway to a _very_  busy kitchen. Feliciano stopped just in front of her, barely in the room, "Excuse me! Princess Elizaveta wanted to say something to you all!"

Almost immediately after his little voice stopped, so did all of the commotion in the room. Suddenly, all eyes were on her looking almost as nervous as Feliciano had for the past several minutes. Eliza waved a hand at them, "I just wanted to come and thank you all for the meals that I will eat while I live here. I also wanted to learn your names but you all look so busy so I guess that can wait until another time."

The nervous kitchen-hands seemed stunned and a little confused; so, instead of any response she was met with silence- and confused stares. It seemed like hours later when a door on the opposite side of the kitchen burst open with a loud shout of, "Guys! Guys, I need food! I've got a lot that I've got to do today! You do too! What's read- What's going on?"

Eliza jumped slightly at the noise and leaned a little farther forward to get a good look at whoever had come inside. She immediately caught sight of the white-haired man from the day before. He looked more than a little confused and was rapidly looking around at all the kitchen-hands trying to figure out why everyone was frozen and quiet. Eventually, he followed one of the men's gazes to her in the doorway and broke out into a smirk, "Oh. So the princess decided to visit without putting any clothes on."

She felt her face heat up but she crossed her arms in front of her and glared anyway, "Well, excuse me for not feeling as if it was necessary to get all dressed up to go to the kitchen, sir!"

She was honestly surprised at her level of anger and the amount fire in her words. She wasn't aware that she even had the capability to be as defiant as she had been in her youth anymore. The look on his face suggested that he hadn't suspected the words either. He swallowed and then raised an eyebrow at her, "I just wasn't aware that you felt the need to come to the kitchen. What are you doing here anyway? Complaining about your breakfast?"

Feliciano spoke up this time, "No! That's not it at all! Princess Elizaveta hasn't had breakfast yet. She just came to thank the kitchen staff for the meals that she will eat while she lives here in the castle!"

The man's red eyes widened, obviously shocked. He opened his mouth as if he was going fight the comment but then closed it and bowed slightly, "Well, I'm going to go back to the awesome things I'm supposed to be doing."

Then he turned on his heel, grabbed two apples out of a barrel that was near the door, and walked back out the door he came into. Feliciano turned to face her, "What do you want for breakfast, Princess Elizaveta?"

Eliza blinked and looked down at the little boy in front of her, "Um, what did you have for breakfast?"

He returned her blank stare, "An apple."

She raised an eyebrow, "And what would you recommend I have for breakfast?"

A man who appeared to be the main chef interrupted before Feliciano got to answer, "He  _always_  says pasta. We have plenty of things that we can make you though. I would really recommend something light on the stomach in case you get nervous later in the day. That way it won't come back up on whatever beautiful dress you pick for your wedding. An omelet would be my recommendation."

Eliza smiled and nodded at the man, "Okay an omelet it is then! What's your name?"

The man raised both eyebrows and waved a hand slightly over his shoulder at some of the other staff, "I am called Benji, Princess. I am the head cook here. Excuse us for our shock. We have just never had someone of your class treat us as you have. Thank you."

Eliza curtsied, "No need for thanks. I have only treated you as I would treat my own people."

It was quiet after that until Eliza was brought a tray with her omelet and a glass of milk to carry back to her own bedroom. She carried it back on her own despite Feliciano's protests and ate her breakfast sitting at the vanity in the corner of her room. After she finished her food, she allowed Feliciano to carry the tray back to the kitchen. When he returned, he had an older woman with him carrying several intricate white dresses with her, "Hello, my name is Francine. I'm here to help you pick your wedding dress."

By the end of thirty minutes, Eliza had agreed to a large ball-gown type wedding dress that flared at the waist, had long lace sleeves, and a high neck. Three hours after that, they had adjusted the dress to fit perfectly. At that point, Feliciano brought her a light lunch that consisted of a ham sandwich and they were waiting for Francine to come back with veils and flowers. Eliza finished the last bite of her sandwich and looked over at her tiny little personal servant, "So, Feli, how old are you?"

He jumped a little, "F-Feli? I'm eight years old."

She smiled, "A little nickname. How come you wear a dress?"

He tilted his head to the side, "They are more comfortable and easier to move in Princess. It's hard to do chores when you trip over the bottom of your pants legs."

Eliza nodded, "Oh okay; that makes sense. I'm eighteen. And you really don't have to call me by my title. You can call me Eliza or even Elizaveta but you don't always have to say Princess."

Feli nodded, "I do. Prince Roderich told me that's how I should address you."

She raised an eyebrow, "Prince Roderich isn't here now is he?"

Feli seemed shocked but had no chance to respond as Francine came back into the room with flowers and veils. An hour later they had decided on a long lace veil and edelweiss as the flower. Eliza had wanted to pick lilies but Francine had strongly suggested edelweiss to impress the Royal Family so she had backed off and allowed Francine to choose the flower. Finally, the real tasks were started and Eliza was forced into the makeup and clothing and hairstyle of her wedding day.

Francine went for more natural colors for makeup and a messy yet elaborate up-do for a hairstyle. It took hours but come mid-afternoon Elizaveta was staring at herself in a mirror not quite believing what she was seeing.

She had expected herself to be pretty but she had never expected to look like she did. She felt like she was looking at a different person. A breath-taking bride that could've taken on the world and swept the crowds away with her beauty alone. Eliza, for once in her life, felt like a woman. She felt like a girl ready to fit into those roles that she was always too rough to understand. She looked just like she felt a bride should look…except for one little detail….there was no love in her eyes.

Eliza stared into the eyes in the mirror, proud and nervous, but void of any feeling of love. She stood there wishing herself away into a different world, a world where those eyes were looking back at her like no other joys in the world could out-do her happiness. She tried to disappear to the other side of those eyes. Yet, she couldn't. Eliza had never been in love and she was about to marry a man that she had only seen once. Never in any of her plans for the future was this involved. She was supposed to pick her own husband. She was supposed to be happy on her wedding day.

Instead, all she felt was anger and sorrow for the things that she was yearning for more than she had in years.

She didn't know what had triggered the anger or fueled her flames but they were burning on the inside of her.

She wanted to break something, to take a horse ride, to run away. However, once again calm and composed,  _Princess_  Elizaveta pushed it all back and secured the walls around her with another layer of bricks.

'Not now,' the other her was saying.

'You can't do anything about it now.'

'Learn to live with it. Try to fight for something else.'

_'Not everything is a chore.'_

The twist in the voice inside her head surprised Eliza. She had always dubbed the voice as 'Princess Elizaveta' the part of her that was actually meant and ready to be a princess. But just then the voice had not been her own…it was her mother's. The realization sent Eliza's mind reeling. Had the voice always been her mother? Was there really any part of her that was ready or meant to be a princess? Was she doing what was right?

Would she ever be happy with Roderich as her husband? Did she even have a chance to be happy anymore? Or did all that disappear when she decided to give up on being someone else?

She didn't realize she was crying over the impossibility of it all until Francine wrapped her arms around her shoulders, "Oh honey don't cry. We'll have to do your makeup over again."

But the tears wouldn't stop. Eliza just stood there in Francine's arms silently staring at her own tear-filled eyes in the mirror, realizing with every falling drop that the cage surrounding her hadn't been the biggest obstacle standing between herself and her dreams. No, Eliza's biggest obstacle was her own wings, clipped and groomed to look beautiful but to hide the intention to fly. Clipped by her own mother. By the one who was supposed to teach her how to fly.

* * *

It seemed like ages later when the tears finally stopped and Francine sat her down to re-do her makeup. Feliciano sat beside her silently hugging her arm and Francine was staring at her almost with a look of wonder, "You'll be okay. Sometimes…sometimes things seem hopeless…but, honey, when it comes to love nothing else can stand in the way. You may not understand or think it now, but this is only a tiny step forward in a future that has yet to unravel. Your destiny isn't set, Princess. It's something only you can create."

Eliza took a deep breath, "I don't love him, Francine."

Francine just smiled, "No, I know that. Surely, you have something or someone you love, though. A dream you want to achieve. I can't deny that you've walked into a marriage that it's too late to back out of; however, I can confirm that this marriage isn't the end of your life and it isn't the last choice you'll ever have to make. I just hope that in the future you make those decisions with your heart instead of your head."

Eliza wanted to protest and say that it hadn't been her decision, it had been her parents…but the more she thought about it the more she realized that if she had never submitted she wouldn't be there. She would've been a disappointment of a daughter and a princess…but she never would have been presented for marriage simply because of her mother's embarrassment. Would she have been happy then?

No, she didn't think so.

Maybe she didn't want what her parents wanted. But, Eliza still wanted them to love her, to be proud of her, and that's why she submitted in the first place.

Francine finished her makeup and smiled again placing a lily where the veil started in her hair, "Remember what I said. Follow your heart. You'll end up where you belong."

Then she left and Eliza and Feli waited for the next person to come to the room and lead her to the actual event. By the time two guards came to get her, Elizaveta was stuck somewhere in between despair and hope. She wanted to believe that she would end up somewhere she wanted to be if she just listened to who she was on the inside; but, she also felt, deep inside, as if happiness was unreachable.

After all, she had been who she wanted to be as a child when she still got to play with the boys. She had reached for the things she wanted but other obstacles got in the way. Her title, even when she was trying to abandon it, had always ruled over her life in a way that she had never been able to do anything about.

Feli smiled at her before she was led down the stairs and to a large ballroom. She had no more time to prepare as one of the guards took her arm in place of her father and the other gave the cue to the pianist. She was shocked for a brief moment at the speed of it all but when the doors opened and she saw all the guests in front of their chairs looking back at her she swallowed it and forced a smile on her face.

She strode down the aisle, guard on arm, with a wall of confidence up that she could almost feel seeping into her. The last step of her march into this binding future was done firmly and consciously, knowing that although she couldn't go back, she could still go forward. And so the wedding began.


	3. Her Perch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry that this is late!   
> If you want to check out my Tumblr it's here: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/occupationlove

The wedding was a spectacularly long and boring session of staring at Roderich's emotionless face with as much confidence as she could muster. He stared right back at her but it was like he was looking into another world as if he was dazed or unconscious of the world around him. He was standing stiffly, hands at his sides, like a statue and, once again,  Elizaveta let herself believe that he was as upset about the wedding as she was. It was his parents decision, not his own, and he was upset…not as indifferent as he seemed to be.

Elizaveta tuned out the happy sighs of the audience of nobles. She ignored the whispers about how good the marriage was for the two kingdoms. She couldn't hear the excited coos of 'They are so cute together!'

Instead, Eliza focused in on Roderich's violet eyes trying to read anything behind the blank look he was giving her. The priest continued to mumble in the background and when he asked them to repeat after him they both complied; yet, Eliza couldn't hear her own voice. She was trying to figure out who exactly she was marrying. Who was he on the inside?

It wasn't until the priest said, 'You may kiss the bride,' that she saw any emotion cross his features. She couldn't quite pin the exact one but if she had to guess, Eliza would've labeled it as panic before she closed her eyes and allowed him to awkwardly take her first kiss away.

* * *

The reception was more than disorganized and quickly devolved into a typical ballroom dance for the nobles. Elizaveta watched them carefully, having already lost her husband in the chaos. Eventually, she found herself slowly walking around the outside edges of the room. Her eyes wandered from the dancing couples to the decorations. It was an extravagant room: crystal chandeliers sparkled above them, the marble floor was clean and beautiful, the walls were a deep purple except for one. The wall farthest from the entrance to the room was glass and opened directly into the garden she had observed the night before.

She walked towards it, almost unconsciously, thinking that maybe it would be nice to get some fresh air. She pushed the glass door open and walked into the cool night air. Eliza took a deep breath through her nose smelling the mixed scent of roses and lilies. Her mouth twitched upward in an almost smile as she closed the door behind her and turned right, into the rows of flowers. She extended her arms and let her finger graze the flowers, wanting to pick them but not wanting to upset anyone.

When the red of the roses changed into the blue of cornflowers, Eliza's attention snapped back into the world. She hadn't seen this many cornflowers from her window. How far had she walked away from the party? Eliza turned to look back at her path and realized she could only barely see the glow of the lights in the ballroom from where she was standing.  She turned again to look up at the part of the castle closest to her and realized she was standing even with the back wall of the giant building. Finally, she faced forward again to gauge how big the garden actually was only to be met with the entrance to a large hedge-maze.

Eliza glanced one more time over her shoulder before she shrugged and entered the maze.

The maze was not very difficult, only giving a couple of options at a time allowing her to keep track of her path and where she had already been. It wasn't long before Eliza found herself in the circular opening in the middle, surrounded by the luminescent blue of cornflowers and the soft sound of running water from a small fish pond on her left. She sighed and walked into the center, sitting down contently in the grass, eyes closed.

She didn't know why, but she felt more at peace in this garden than she had in a long time. Something about how everything was still and that she didn't have to keep moving to imagine she was somewhere or someone else took her breath away, teasing the freedom she could never actually have. She reached out in front of her to run her finger through the grass and smiled, "Hopefully, they aren't looking for me."

"They aren't."

A normal person might have jumped at the new voice but Eliza was so at peace she couldn't be bothered, "What makes you say that?"

The other person was behind her coming from the side of the maze she had just walked through, "Roderich isn't overly affectionate or public about anything. He wouldn't ask you to dance even if you were there unless it was required of him. And it's not."

She smiled wider, "The life of a royal, huh?"

The man scoffed, "Aren't you even going to ask who you're talking to? I could be some guy from another kingdom here to kidnap you for a ransom."

She couldn't help but chuckle at that one, "You aren't or you would've already kidnapped me. Besides that, I don't need to ask to know who I'm talking to. You've got red eyes and white hair. I told you the first time we met that I hadn't met you before because I would've remembered. I wasn't wrong."

He snorted, "Yeah? Why's that? Cuz I look different?"

She shook her head, "No, because you're the only one I've ever met that treats me like they aren't afraid of me. You are the only one I've ever met who would even dare to address me without using my title when they know I'm a princess. The only one who is unafraid to try to pick on me when you have to know that if I wanted I could make your life hell. I would've remembered meeting someone like that before now."

It was silent for moment before she heard him shift slightly and the faint sound of metal clinking. She reached out and picked a cornflower that was barely within reach, "I don't want to by the way. Make your life hell I mean."

She twirled the dainty flower in her fingers, waiting for a response, but the silence stretched on. Honestly, she was surprised he could be this quiet. The other two times she had met the man he had seemed loud and impossible to miss. Yet, here she was knowing that if she hadn't been able to hear his movements, she wouldn't have known he was there.

"You're different than I expected you to be."

She glanced to left but didn't turn enough to meet his eyes, "Yeah? A lot of people say that but it always means something different."

He shifted again, "Well, I mean…I expected you to be like Rod. All stuck-up and shit, acting like you're better than everyone else. I thought you were going to be like the rest of those pretentious bastards dancing in that over-sized ballroom."

She smiled again, "Ah, so to you I'm a good kind of unexpected?"

He coughed, "Yeah, I suppose so."

She laughed and placed the cornflower in her hair, "So, what's your name? As surprised as you were to hear it earlier, I really would like to know the names of as many people that work here as possible."

"Why?"

She reached for another flower, "It's no one's fault that I was born into a family of power or that they were born where they place in society. Who's to say that given the proper education that anyone else couldn't run a kingdom as efficiently or even more efficiently than I can? The blood in my veins is the same as every other person's except mine has bound me to the throne just because someone else said so."

There were two large shifts of position causing more metal clinking sounds before he answered again, "It's Gilbert Beilschmidt. You are Princess Elizaveta Edelstein as of tonight, correct?"

She placed the second flower in her hair and frowned, "No. Incorrect."

"What?"

She turned to face him and was immediately caught of guard, no pun intended, by the metal armor we was wearing, "You're a guard."

Gilbert blinked at her arms crossed, looked down at his uniform, and then locked eyes with her again, "Yes, an awesome one at that, and? How does that make your name wrong?"

She blinked and shook her head, "That's not what made it incorrect. That's my title. It's not my _name_. My name is Eliza. Hedervary, Edelstein, I don't care. But I am Eliza, not Princess Elizaveta and if I can get that through anybody's head it would probably be yours."

He blinked again and then grinned, "Good, because I probably would've shortened it eventually anyway. Your name is too damn long and snooty sounding!"

She laughed, "Snooty? Your name doesn't sound like a commoner's, you know."

His grin faded, "Yeah? Well, I am one despite that. Seems like neither one of us really meet the outside expectations, huh?"

She smiled but she could feel the sadness behind it, "No, I guess not."

He waved his hands in front of him in a sort of denial motion, "That's not always a bad thing though! I mean, I'd prefer you weren't all stuck-up anyway!"

She slowly pushed herself to her feet and brushed her dress off, "Well, you'd be the only one."

Gilbert grinned, "Seems like I'm the only one who does a lot of things in your mind."

Eliza felt her face heat up, "Well maybe if you weren't so strange I wouldn't have thought that right away."

He raised an eyebrow, "Strange?"

She nodded. He just laughed, "Don't you think it's a little strange to be a princess who doesn't want to be called by her title?"

She shrugged, "I wouldn't know. I've never met any other princesses. Have you?"

His eyebrows furrowed together, "No, but-"

"But nothing. You can't know unless you've heard other princesses' opinions."

He rolled his eyes, "Yeah, well, I ask yours and Rod's future daughters then."

Eliza crossed her arms, "If I have anything to say about it my daughters won't be bound by their titles and therefore their opinions would be invalid on that particular subject."

Gilbert glared at her, "Then what would you have me do? Track down a princess in another kingdom and ask them?"

She smirked, "If you are going to make broad assumptions, then, yes."

"I take it back. You are unreasonable."

"And yet you are still here."

He grinned, "I'm a guard, it's my job to make sure you don't get yourself killed,  _Princess_."

She sighed irately at his use of her title, "You're also obnoxious."

"Obnoxiously awesome!"

She rolled her eyes, "Of course. Now, I should probably get back to the castle. I imagine they probably don't want their princess to be missing right after her wedding."

Eliza moved to go back through the maze and he stepped out of her way following behind her when she passed, "So, why Rod?"

She sighed grazing her fingers against the hedges as she passed, "That's much more complicated than I am willing to discuss right now. Although, if you wish to pick a different topic I am not opposed to conversation."

Gilbert chuckled behind her, "What's with all the formality? I mean, I get that you are a princess and all but you just upped the formality levels several times over. So, a different topic…hmmm…What's your favorite thing to do?"

She laughed, "I'm not sure I have time to classify things as favorites. How about you? Do you have a favorite activity?"

He smirked, "I'm sure the things I like to do the most are a little too barbaric to share with a princess. You could probably imagine all the things that an amazing knight like me does in his free time from the stories the nobles tell about the commoners."

She raised an eyebrow, "You're a knight too? I thought you were just a guard. I never really listened to any obscene gossip from the nobles and I'm fairly certain you wouldn't fit in many stereotypes; so, forgive me if I don't believe you are being completely honest with me."

He grinned, "Unfortunately for you, _Princess_ , I could be the man those gossip stories revolve around. I generally enjoy combat, alcohol, most things that are considered 'uncouth' or whatever those prissy aristocrats say."

She smiled, "You also seem to like being overly argumentative."

"That fits into the combat area right?"

She shrugged, "I guess it does. So, how'd you get to be a knight if you're a commoner Gilbert?"

He glared, "How else would I have gotten here except for my sheer amount of impressiveness?"

She opened her mouth to respond just as sarcastic as he had answered her but she was interrupted by the stiff voice of her husband, "Ignore him. He is insufferable."

She turned forward to face him and found him standing right where the cornflowers turned back into roses outside the maze, "I…"

He held up a hand, "I just came out to talk. My mother said she saw you come outside and suggested that we should probably get to know each other. I'm not here to scold anyone."

He must've seen the brief glimpse of worry in her eyes then. He was paying attention to her almost as intently as she had paid attention to him during the wedding ceremony. She curtsied, "Of course. I don't believe you ever allowed me to formally introduce myself. You know my name, of course, and I know yours, you made that clear the first time we saw each other. However, I would like to extend the invitation to a friendship if that is okay with you."

She heard a quiet, amused snort behind her before Roderich responded, "Friendship? We're married."

Eliza tried to give him a bright smile, "Of course. And I will act the part for any political or public events that that is needed for; but, as far as relationships go friendship always comes first. As far as being princess or queen is concerned, I will readily take the position but you cannot force me to fake an affection that you have not tried to plant within me."

Her parents had told her to act as she should. Act as they had taught her…and had they not taught her that formal and detached relations were necessary when dealing with other people? They had never outright said that she had to pretend to love her husband. Only that she had to marry him and was not to act as a commoner would. She briefly imagined her mother's anger and had to stop her immediate feeling of gratification. She shouldn't have been happy about her mother's assumed anger but something about her rebellious spirit coming back to life made her think otherwise.

Roderich looked shocked for a brief moment before he nodded, "I see. Well, I suppose that is the proper starting place."

Suddenly, Gilbert burst out laughter behind her, "Damn Rod! She's already got you beat!"

Roderich narrowed his eyes into a glare that went directly above Elizaveta's head, "Go guard somewhere else, Gilbert."

"You're the one that assigned me to guard right here."

"I'm changing it. Better yet, just go home. There are plenty of guards here more capable than you at keeping my family safe."

Gilbert walked around Elizaveta and then around Roderich, amusedly tracing his steps back to the front of the castle, "Your parents beg to differ but, hey, give me a vacation night! I'll go home willingly."

Roderich pinched the bridge of his nose, "He's so…intolerable."

Eliza laughed, "He's arrogant that's for sure but I didn't think he was that bad."

Her husband met her eyes again, "You just haven't known him as long as I have."

She shrugged, "True. Maybe I'll see what you see someday but that's beside the point. You wanted to get to know me right? What do you suggest we do?"

He looked briefly troubled before his eyes lit up in a way that she wasn't sure he was capable of, "Conversation is a little difficult when we've only just met but I play the piano. We can go to one of our orchestral rooms and I can play for you if you'd like."

She was more comfortable with conversation but she didn't voice it. Eliza just nodded and took a step towards him, "That sounds nice. You'll have to lead the way because I don't know my way around yet."

He nodded, gave a slight smile, turned on his heel, and then turned immediately back around to face her with a troubled look. She blinked at his odd action and tilted her head to the side, "What's wrong?"

He shook his head and reached towards her head. She almost ducked away before she realized that he wasn't reaching for her face. She felt his fingers graze the top of her head before his hand retreated back to the gap in between them holding a cornflower. Eliza had a sudden moment of realization and reached up for the other flower self-consciously, "Oh, sorry! I forgot I put them in my hair!"

He dropped the flower and reached to his side pulling a small lily and an even smaller rose out of the bush reaching up to place them in her hair instead, "If you were going to put the flowers in your hair I would've preferred you picked the Edelweiss from your bouquet but these are better than the cornflowers."

Then he turned back around and began walking away from her. She paused holding the other cornflower she had pulled out of her hair gently between her fingers before she followed him, "Do you not like the cornflowers?"

He glanced over his shoulder at her looking almost embarrassed, "It's not- The flowers themselves are harmless I just- Don't pick any more of them, okay? If you feel the need to accessorize with the garden's flowers, pick something else."

Eliza was confused at best but she didn't openly question it again. She knew she probably should've dropped the other blue flower but, by the time the reached a piano, she was still tenderly holding it between her fingers. He didn't speak much the rest of the night; but, he dropped her off at her room when she said she was ready to go to sleep and departed into his own room across the hall.

* * *

Feliciano was waiting inside to help her get out of her wedding dress but she ended up doing most of the work herself. Soon enough, she was in a comfortable night gown laying in her bed as Feli wished her a good night and exited the room. They had placed the flowers that she had collected on her vanity side by side, not wanting to discard them but having no better place to put them.

* * *

The next morning, Feli woke her up again by knocking at her door early in the morning. Elizaveta shuffled to the door a little faster than the first morning. When he bounced into the room carrying a tray of breakfast on it, she assumed he just didn't want to chance her coming back to the kitchens that particular day. Or maybe, they had just decided her breakfast based off the head-chef's suggestion. She sat and ate her breakfast while Feli struggled with the sheets once again, "So, what's in my schedule for today?"

He gave up on the sheets and looked over at her, "The King and Queen want to see you after breakfast and you are supposed to be shown around the castle grounds but other than that your day is pretty relaxed, Miss Elizaveta."

He was just as nervous sounding as the day before but she noticed that he had dropped her title, "Okay. Thank you, Feli. What are you doing today?"

"Mostly helping in the kitchen and cleaning the floors."

She stood, finished with her breakfast, and walked to him, "Well if you need any help, find someone who looks capable and tell them I sent orders to have them help you."

His amber eyes widened, "But, Miss Elizaveta! I couldn't do that!"

She smiled, "Only if you need it Feli. Not just if you want help. If you want help and I'm not busy you can call me instead."

"Princesses aren't supposed to do the chores!"

She held a finger to her mouth in a shushing motion, "I'm no ordinary princess, Feliciano, now am I?"

He smiled back at her brighter than she had seen from him so far, "Nope. Definitely not!"

She chuckled at the content sound of his voice and walked back to her closet picking out a simpler dress for the day. She had it on correctly before Feliciano could get back; so, she fixed the sheets while she was waiting. He seemed a little disappointed when he returned but his mood had still not faded from happiness. He led her back to the throne room she had first met Roderich in, where the rest of the royal family was waiting positioned around the thrones but not in them. The queen seemed extremely excited to see her, her violet eyes sparkling when she spoke, "Oh! You're always so pretty! I thought maybe it was just Francine's handy work last night but you are just as beautiful now!"

The King seemed irritated at his wife's behavior, "Darling."

She stopped smiling almost immediately, "Ah! I apologize for my eccentric behavior. I don't mean to seem strange."

Roderich nodded, "Yes, actually what she has to say is very important."

His mother nodded, "Yes. Well, we wanted you to feel comfortable and know that you are safe in your new home. So, we decided that for the time being it might be better for you to have a personal guard. He would show you around and take you places you wanted to go up until the coronation or however long it takes for you to feel as if you truly belong here."

Eliza nodded but she wasn't sure she trusted their words. Until she felt comfortable?...Or until they trusted her not to act out?

The King continued his wife's speech, "Of course, we wouldn't want any second-rate guard watching over you all the time. We narrowed it down to the knights of our kingdom and then we thought-"

The queen bounced on her feet, "Why not the Captain of the Guard?!"

Roderich's eyes widened as if he hadn't expected the news, "Mother! Wouldn't it be better if we assigned her someone less, I don't know, obnoxious?!"

His mother opened her mouth to respond but she was interrupted by a very familiar voice coming from the entrance of the room, "Yeah. For once, I agree with Roddy boy. This is way below my pay grade."


	4. Her Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a day late! Long story short I'm kinda dumb and don't have access to my at home computer at the moment. I had to wait to go to work to have a way to update. Thank you for bearing with me. Also as a warning, there's some LANGUAGE in this chapter and also Gil gets oddly philosophical but I promise there's a reason for that.

* * *

Eliza turned quicker than she thought possible, "You?"

Gilbert smirked at her, "What do you mean me? Yes, me. Didn't Rod tell you I was the Captain of the Guard? Or are details like that not important to whatever you two talk about?"

Roderich scoffed, "As shocking as it may seem to you, Beilschmidt, the world doesn't revolve around you and you are not a topic of conversation I willingly bring up when talking to my wife! Why would I tell her something like that when your _existence_ already makes this kingdom look bad enough?"

Gilbert glared, "As shocking as it may be to  _you_ , Rod, I am a damn good guard and I am more than capable of keeping them in line. Personally, I think it's important to know who is working for you and in what position or were you just going to let your wife guess about who should and shouldn't be inside the castle?"

"Boys!" the Queen interjected, "I don't know why you two are always fighting but I'm confident that both of you were raised better than this! Weren't you both taught to respect one another or have you been replaced by children that need to be properly scolded? Now, Gilbert, I know that this isn't the sort of thing that Captains normally do, but it would mean a lot to the kingdom and to me if you would take the position. Additionally, Roderich, if you knew that Gilbert and Elizaveta had met you should have told her who he was."

Both men looked at her in disbelief:

"I thought he would've told her himself! He's arrogant enough to!"

"I am not here to babysit your new princess! I am here to make sure the guards are prepared to defend this castle!"

There was a brief moment of silence before the King stepped in, "Both of you need to stop. Roderich, go start on your tasks for today. Gilbert, our guards follow your order even when you are not there to supervise them. Pick someone you trust in the ranks to supervise them and give the orders. We will be paying you the same wage to watch Elizaveta so just accept the job."

Roderich stiffly walked out of the room anger etched on his face and Gilbert threw his arms up in exasperation, "This is  _not_  the job I want to do!"

The queen gave him a soft smile, "Please, Gilbert. We know you don't want to but we have to know that Elizaveta is safe and comfortable in our kingdom. It's a big job and we wouldn't ask you to do it if we didn't think that you were the best one for the job."

Anger was written into his entire being, but Eliza could see it melting away into a complacent acceptance the longer the queen spoke, "Fine. But if she decides that she doesn't want me as a guard, I'm not staying."

She laughed, "We wouldn't ask you to. Now, can you please show Elizaveta around the castle? She needs to be familiar with the place she lives."

Gilbert sighed and made a vague 'come here' motion with his arm at Elizaveta, "Well, I suppose we should get going now."

Eliza nodded but she was beyond confused about the entire situation, "I wasn't aware you were this outspoken with everyone."

He blinked at her amusement floating through his eyes, "What? Did you think you were special? Let's  _go_."

She took several steps toward him before her mother-in-law called out again, "Elizaveta?"

She turned back around to face her, "Yes?"

"Has Feliciano been a good maid for you? If you are unsatisfied with his abilities we can have a new one assigned to you."

Eliza shook her head, smiling back at the worried woman, "No, Feliciano is a wonderful maid. I couldn't ask for anyone better."

The princess turned before the older woman could respond and walked out of the room Gilbert on her heels.

* * *

As soon as the door closed behind her, he took the lead gesturing for her to follow him. They turned two corners into a large hallway before he looked back at her, "So you're stuck with both me and Feliciano? I wouldn't know, but according to Rod ,I guess that means your life sucks. Though in my opinion, it just got a lot better."

She smirked, "Yeah? Well, I haven't made up my mind, yet."

He raised an eyebrow, "Really? Then snooty boy must not have said much about me after I left last night. I was sure he would've complained enough to convince you that I'm the worst."

She mimicked him raising an eyebrow of her own, "He said you were annoying but otherwise he barely talked at all. What's going on between the two you anyway?"

"I'm too awesome for him to handle. He's hated me, forever."

She laughed, "You don't seem too fond of him either."

He shook his head, "I'm not. His parents like me, though, and they are pretty nice most of the time."

She nodded, "Yeah, they are a lot more lenient than my parents are. It wouldn't matter how much my mom liked you if you talked to her or dad like you just did you'd be in more trouble than you could ever get yourself out of."

"Your parents sound like they suck."

She shrugged, "They're really strict about social status and acting properly according to what rank you were born."

The words left her mouth but as she said them Elizaveta remembered that in reality  _both_  of her parents were not like that. It had only been her mother. Yes, Felix Hedervary was more than liberal with her and had never scolded her for anything besides upsetting her mother.

He hummed in acknowledgment and led her into a large room which he noted to be a painting room and back out into the hallway, "Then I suppose they get pretty upset when you request for people to drop your title from your name."

She winced, "I didn't do that at home. Besides that, I told you: everyone has always treated me like they are afraid of me or the power I have. So, I never really met someone who I thought maybe I could convince to drop it until I got here. And I thought, 'why not?'"

His eyes widened at her, "Damn. That wasn't what I was expecting to come out of your mouth. It doesn't sound like you have a happy relationship with them."

Maybe she had hit her breaking point when it came to her parents. Maybe Gilbert was just the kind of person that brought her complaints to the surface, "I just wish they would trust me more. It's not a big deal though."

He led her into a ballroom and back out again, "I probably should change the topic or something but it sounds like they're running your life."

Eliza sighed, "They are. My mother is constantly telling me that I shouldn't make everything in life out to be a chore."

Gilbert stopped walking entirely and turned to face her looking caught somewhere between confused and angry, "But they…that's not…You shouldn't have….Dammit! That's so irritating! Don't you have a mind of your own? I thought you were different from this damn mindless royalty shit!"

He looked like he wanted to hit something or just storm off but Eliza could also see the resolve in his eyes to stay regardless of how much displeasure it was bringing him, "You have to understand something. I have my own opinions and desires separate from my life as a princess. What I think would make me happy, though, is not what I pursue. I found my way here not because I wasn't thinking for myself, but because I have parents that I wanted to make proud. It wasn't until I realized how irreparable my life is at this point that I gave up on that! I'm not mindless. Misguided, maybe, but surely you have someone you want to make proud as well? Or did I misread how easy it is for the queen to talk you into things?"

His jaw dropped before his face turned bright red and his eyes swam with rage, "You don't understand a damn thing! I don't listen to her because I want to make her proud of me! I listen to her because that is my job and she tries not to make that hard on me! I listen to her because she gives a damn what the people of this country have to say! I listen to her because she is a good queen and it comes through when she talks. It has nothing to do with making her proud because frankly, I don't give a damn what she thinks of me."

Eliza furrowed her eyebrows, "So, you don't have anyone you want to make proud then? No way you can understand why I didn't run?"

His face froze in an expression Eliza couldn't place before he took a deep breath and turned back around, continuing their 'tour', "No. I don't. I'm far more valuable than any of these deadbeats, anyway. Why would I want to make them proud?"

She glared at him, "Are you being honest? Or are you just trying to avoid admitting that you can understand where I'm coming from?"

He glared back at her over his shoulder but did not answer the question, "Is the horse yours? Or was it just convenient to ride it?"

She shook her head in disbelief, "What? The horse I rode here you mean? What does that have to do with….? She's mine but how is that relevant?"

Gil shrugged, "I just wondered. Because if she's yours then the Queen and King won't be upset if you take her out of the stables. I thought you might be interested. You'd have to get the guard's approval and have someone accompany you but you don't have to stay here all of the time if you're catching what I mean."

Eliza blinked twice before she realized what he meant, "You mean you'll take me places I want to go? Let's go to the village! Let's go now! I haven't been to the village yet!"

His eyes widened at her sudden change in attitude, "The village? You don't want to go further than that? I thought for sure you'd want to be where you couldn't see the castle. Or to be alone at the very least."

Eliza blinked again suddenly realizing that the offer itself was strange, "Well, no. I prefer villages. I like being among people different from me; but, why are you asking if I want to go? That's an oddly kind offer. I thought you didn't want to be my guard and you surely weren't happy with me just a second ago. So, why be nice now?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Who said it was for you? Maybe I just can't be bothered to stay inside this boring castle of yours and I was going to make you come with me regardless."

She smirked, "Yeah, right. What's your real reason, Gilbert? You made an uncharacteristically kind offer with no warning whatsoever. You can't expect me to believe that if you wanted to leave you would have phrased it like you did. You left the decision up to me. So, why the sudden change in heart and mood?"

He glared at her again, "Stop prying and just accept the damn offer. What does it matter why I changed my mind anyway? Hasn't anyone ever told you that you're not supposed to question the things you are given?"

She rolled her eyes, "Only my entire life, but usually, those gifts come from political arrangements as a sort of bribery for something I can help with so forgive me if I'm a little thrown off by sudden goodwill."

He scoffed, "I can't believe you. I offer you a way out of the castle and you accuse me of doing it because I want something from you. Newsflash  _Princess_ , you don't have anything I want and if you did I would have it already; I would not be weaseling my way into getting it. I'm more than capable of taking what I want when I want it...Wait, that sounds-I didn't mean that how that sounded."

Eliza sighed, "Why do you have to be so difficult? Fine, don't tell me then."

His eyes widened, "Me? Difficult? You're the one questioning things you shouldn't be!"

Several moments of tension-filled silence passed before Gilbert started walking away. Eliza stood back, stunned, and tried to mentally trace her steps back to her room. After all, she wouldn't want to get lost in-

"Are you coming or what?"

Her attention snapped back to Gilbert who was standing a little way in front of her, looking back at her like she had lost her mind. She blinked, "What?"

Gilbert rolled his eyes, "To town? Or did you already change your mind?"

Only a brief moment passed before realization set in and Eliza found herself hurrying to catch up with him. She opened her mouth to question why he was doing this again but he cut her off, "If you don't stop trying to make sense of my actions I'm going to leave for real and we won't go to the village."

Eliza closed her mouth, unwilling to give up the chance to do something other than her daily routines. He guided her out of the castle and around to the stables. Once there, Gil pointed in the direction of her horse, "Stay there. I've got to get riding gear."

Then he disappeared around another corner again. Her fingers running through her mare's mane, Eliza sighed in contentment. Normally, she would have asked about borrowing less expensive clothing but she didn't want to test the obviously limited patience of her companion. So, instead, her attention was focused on trying to sort out more important things. Like just what was up with the man assigned as her guard.

He obviously wasn't as cold-hearted or as self-centered as he wanted her to think, but if that was true, then why did he pretend to be? Or did he really just change his opinions that fast? He was angry with her earlier but he still offered to take her to town. What exactly were his motives? What went on inside his head? Could he even be made sense of or were her questions futile?

He came back around the corner with riding gear for her horse and Eliza unknowingly redirected her gaze to him. He froze before he reached her, "What?"

But Eliza didn't hear him. She was in her own head trying to find her way out of the maze that was Gilbert Beilschmidt. Just who was this man that had been guiding her? She had so many questions. Why exactly did he act the way he did, all tough and arrogant, but then show an inclination to be unnecessarily kind? Why exactly did he and Roderich dislike each other so much? Just who was he that he could get away with talking back to the king and queen? Or were her in-laws just that weak-willed?

"Listen, I know I only have riding gear for one horse but I figured that since it's only the beginning of the day I could just walk next to the horse. So, if that's what you're questioning you can stop that now."

With a sigh, her gaze refocused on her horse, "It wasn't."

"What?"

"That's not what I was questioning."

He began walking back towards her again but he was moving much slower than before, "Then why were you looking at me like that?"

She shook her head, "You wouldn't answer me even if I asked."

Setting up the riding gear, Gilbert glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, "You got a question for me?"

She shook her head again, "Not any I know how to ask."

He mimicked her and shook his head, "I don't know what the fuck that's supposed to mean; and, I can't say I would answer your question even if you asked it but if you figure it out, nothing is stopping you from asking."

She raised an eyebrow, "Except for the fact that you said you wouldn't take me to the village, you mean?"

He laughed, "Yeah. So, I guess you're still trying to figure me out then?"

Eliza nodded.

He shrugged and nodded towards her horse, finished with setting up the gear, "It really just boils down to 'I felt like it'. There's no point overthinking it. I do what I want when I want, remember? Not much more to it than that."

She moved to the side of the horse, "Yes, but that's just it. There may not be much more to it; but, there's still something more. It's not just that either. There are a lot of things about you and this kingdom in general that have caught me off guard and I've only been here a couple of days. It's all kind of like a book with invisible writing that I haven't quite figured out how to uncover yet and it's frustrating."

He lifted her onto the horse and took the reins in his hand leading them out of the stable, "If you'd stop trying to figure it all out at once you wouldn't be so frustrated. You're asking someone to tell you the end of a story you want to know about but you aren't putting the effort into actually reading. You said it's like a book right? Well, aren't there steps to reading a book? To finish a sentence your have to look at the words. To finish a paragraph you have to finish the sentences. A page, the paragraphs. A chapter, the pages. The book, the chapters. You aren't going to understand unless you read it yourself. You're right when you assume I won't answer your questions because your questions are too large. They are some part of the middle of the story and I'm not willing to skip the beginning. But if you would ask simpler questions, I might just answer you never know."

Suddenly, her hands were gripping onto the saddle with a surprising intensity and her question came out much too rushed and excited, "Okay! So, how simple do these questions have to be?"

He jolted a little mid-step at her outburst but then smirked back at her, "Depends on what you are trying to learn about. The kingdom? Something about the king and queen's names or the foundation or how the guard works. I could answer those. The people? I suggest you ask each person about themselves instead of trying to pry their information out of me. But not the damn prying questions you keep asking me."

Eliza felt her eyebrows furrow together. Questions that weren't prying. Questions about the kingdom…

"So how old does one have to be to be Captain of the Guard?"

She saw his smirk turn into a brilliant grin before he turned his head back to the front, "Double question, huh? Well, usually the Captains are older than the rest of the soldiers or at least at the same age as the experienced knights. So, that usually places the youngest ones in their late thirties or early forties. I'm twenty though. You could say that I just that awe-inspiring to be given the title so early."

Eliza smirked at the back of his head, "So, I guess there's a reason for the arrogance then? How does the Captain get chosen?"

He shrugged, "Usually, it's divided down into who wants the title and the king and queen examine what they've done for the country, how good they are with the people, whether they've been knighted, how trustworthy they are, their ability to lead, and their general strength both emotionally and physically. They did these tests in my case as well; but, I didn't score highest. I was really close but I failed one of the categories that's most important to the king and queen. You could probably guess what it was if you thought about it. But yeah, anyway the last Captain of the Guard said he thought I was best suited for the job. And he was well loved and so I just kind of ended up with the job. The other guys were angry at first but the ones who had the most problems with it left; so, that's all sorted out now."

"You failed the 'good with people category' didn't you?"

It came out before she had time to think about it.

He looked back at her again his eyes void of the mirth or anger she was used to seeing, "Yeah, told you that you could guess it."

Eliza covered her mouth with her hand, "I didn't mean to say…"

"It's fine it's not like I've gotten any less obvious about it."

The amusement reappeared on his face but his eyes held an emotion Eliza was all too familiar with, a longing for something else. She wanted to know what his goals were. What he wanted. Instead, she found her mouth too dry to ask.

Several minutes passed of them traveling a tree-lined road before either of the spoke up again.

"So, how old are you anyway?"

Eliza blinked at the sudden question, "I thought you knew that information. I turned eighteen almost two weeks ago."

Gil nodded, "So between you, me, and Rod that makes you the youngest and me the oldest. Do you paint?"

Her eyebrows knitted together again, "Yes, but I'm not very good at it. I never really got very good at many of the things princesses are good at. I'm just kind of mediocre at everything."

He nodded again, "So, what would you say you  _are_  good at?"

She racked her brain for some sort of hidden skill, "Well, I'm pretty good at cleaning. And it's been a while so it's probably changed but I was pretty good at fighting as a kid."

His head turned faster than she thought possible, "Fighting? As in fist-fighting? Wha-….how…huh?"

She laughed, "I told you it's been a while. And I thought you said not to jump into the middle of a story?"

He stopped and pointed at her, "Don't use my words against me. And you're the one who brought it up so you owe me an explanation,  _Princess_."

She stuck her tongue out at him, "I owe you nothing. But if you must know, I used to play with the boys in the village back home when I was really young. They were always fighting so I guess I picked it up from them. They didn't figure out I was a girl for a really long time so it's not like I was safe from their random attacks. Gotta hold my own you know?"

He whistled under his breath, "And how exactly did you manage to get away with that one?"

Eliza smiled remembering happier days, "There was a servant that worked in the castle back home that dressed me up in boys clothing and allowed me to go to the village. My mother hated it and eventually, I stopped going anyway but it was fun while it lasted."

His steps faltered and he came to an abrupt stop, "How did they not realize you were the princess? I mean the townspeople surely would've been able to recognize you."

Eliza shook her head, "Their parents figured it out when it became physically obvious that I'm not male. It's because my parents--or my mom, rather-- don't like associating with people below their status; so, the only people outside of the noble circle that could identify me, until I started speaking to the public as a preteen at political events, were the people who worked in the castle and they weren't going to ruin my fun."

She saw the questioning look in his eyes that she had no doubt given him earlier, "Do you ever do anything the way you are supposed to?"

She scoffed, "I married Roderich didn't I?"

A white eyebrow raised, "I'm assuming that means the big political decisions are the only ones you really follow then?"

She opened her mouth to protest before she realized that he was right. She only ever followed the things that truly affected the politics of her country or the country as a whole. Everything else, she had always done her own way. She still did what her parents wanted her to but she doubted she had ever perfected doing it the way her mother wanted her to.

Funny. She had really thought she had locked her own wants away as a teenager.

She had thought she had no longer acted like herself.

But a personality isn't something that easily erased is it?

She had only decided to follow orders and stop questioning her parents, but she was still her own person. She felt her lips curl upwards at the thought, "Yeah. I suppose so."

He laughed and kept walking, "Then I guess we have that in common."

Her story. Her song. It had been hers all along. It had never been her mother's to control.

And somehow, somehow, it had taken a brash, impulsive, red-eyed man for Eliza to realize that.


	5. Her Feathers

They arrived in the town only twenty minutes later and were greeted by bustling roads filled with busy mothers ushering their children in different directions, merchants trying to sell worthless trinkets to unsuspecting old women, and burly men leaning against the buildings watching the young women pass by.

Regular people.

Commoners.

And, yet, it seemed there was nothing common about them beyond their sense of community.

Eliza watched in fascination as she picked out all the different faces and mannerisms in the crowd. None of them carried themselves the same way. Even children looked different from their mothers and their siblings. Each person had their own unique personality that stood out because of the simple things.

It was beautiful.

As soon as Gilbert stopped the horse, Eliza jumped down and tried to rush towards the world she so desperately wanted to be a part of. Adrenaline flowed through her blood. She could associate with the people she found the most interesting. She could be who she wanted to be…but Gilbert caught her around the waist, "Not without me. It's my job to guard you and I can't do that if you go and drown yourself in that pool of people. Calm down and don't get your hopes up. These people aren't as amazing as you seem to think."

Eliza stumbled over sounds, trying to form words before she finally managed to utter a coherent thought, "Aren't you a commoner? How can they not be amazing if you're so insistent that you're flawless? Besides, why in the world would they hurt their own princess?"

He glared at her, tying the horse to a nearby tree just outside the village, "They probably wouldn't hurt you intentionally but they are fully capable of aggression, deceit, and trickery. Trust me when I say you don't want to go into that crowd alone."

Eliza glared back at him but didn't make another move towards the people. It seemed like ages later when he finished tying the horse and gestured somewhat angrily to the roads she wanted to run into. She took several quick steps forward before any of the townspeople noticed and a chain of bodies stopped to stare at her bewilderedly.

Eliza froze at the sudden silence in the air and glanced back at Gilbert; but, he was still with her horse out of her range and definitely out of the line of sight of the villagers. She swallowed, suddenly nervous, and looked back at the shocked commoners before her, lifting a hand in a delicate wave. She took a couple more graceful strides towards them and stopped just close enough that they could hear her voice, "Hello. I'm sure you already know but I'm Princess Elizaveta Edelstein, your prince's new bride. I wanted to come to meet you all and learn how we can help at the castle."

A few people shared uneasy glances before three children, two boys and a little girl, came bursting out of the middle of the crowd straight towards her, "Princess! Princess! What's it like in the castle? Is it cool? I've always wanted to go there. Can you let us visit sometime? That would be soooo cool! You should play with us! It'll be fun! Oh and-"

A woman not much older than Elizaveta stepped forward and spoke out in a firm tone, "Children. You can't be bothering the princess like that. What you are asking her is impossible. Come back over here before you bother her anymore."

The children's excitement changed slowly into disappointment before they started to turn away. Eliza knelt down and quickly caught the two boys' hands gently in her own, "Hold on. Wait a minute. I don't know if I can let you enter the castle because that decision isn't up to me. However, if you would like me to play with you I'd be more than willing to another time. I'm afraid I am not dressed for the occasion right now, but next time I'll come prepared and we can play."

The boys' faces lit up in excitement before they looked at each and smiles exploded on their faces. The little girl peeked shyly around one of her brothers, smiling softly, "You can play with me today, Princess Elizaveta. That wouldn't mess up your pretty dresses. My dollies aren't dirty, I promise."

Eliza smiled back, "I would like that but first let me talk with others as well. Give me a little while and then I'll meet you back here. How does right after lunch sound?"

The little girl nodded, "Yes! That sounds fun."

By this point, their mother had come to gather them, unaware of the quiet conversation that had just taken place, "I thought I told you-"

"Mom! The princess said she would play with us!" The boy on the right yelled.

Their mother stopped, stunned, and looked at Elizaveta as if for confirmation. Eliza only nodded, "I'm not dressed to play with the boys today but I've told your daughter to meet me back here after lunch time."

The mother smiled almost sadly and then ran her fingers through the two boys' hair, "My children, huh? You are mistaken. They're not mine. Actually, even though we all look very similar only these two are related, " she pointed at the boy who had done most of the talking and the little girl hiding behind him.

"Oh, but that is not important. Surely, you would like to speak about more important things?"

Elizaveta, however, found herself wanting to know more. She smiled and glanced to the children, "Actually, this is exactly what I came here for. I want to know more about my people; you're not their mother? They addressed you as such."

The boy on the right interrupted shaking his head, "Nuh-uh! I called Ms. Heidi mom! Alfred and Madeleine didn't say anything at all!"

The other boy, still being clung to by his sister jumped in too, "Yeah! Maddy and me didn't say anything! It was just Matt! Our mom works somewhere else!"

Ms. Heidi, as the young boy had called her, smacked both of the talkative children on the top of the head, "Haven't I taught you both that it is rude to interrupt?! And Alfred, I told you to stop calling Matthias 'Matt'. He already told you that isn't his name so stop using it."

Matthias interjected again, "No! It's okay Mom! Alfie can call me Matt! I promise I won't get upset again!"

Then what was a semi-peaceful conversation turned quickly into scolding, arguments, and frantic arm motions.

Eliza just watched in amusement as the boys tried to explain their way out of trouble, Madeline silently peeking over her brother's shoulder as if she was afraid. Heidi eventually scolded both of the boys into submission and looked back at the young princess, "I…I apologize I didn't mean to cause such a scene. They are…well they _are_ usually this mischievous…they just usually are not in the company of royalty. Anyway, what they meant to tell you is that Alfred and Madeleine have a mother. I only take care of them when she is out of town. Matthias, however, is my charge to keep."

Oh. Eliza smiled at Ms. Heidi, "I see. You must have your hands full then with children as rambunctious as these three, I mean."

The two boys giggled and exchanged glances, "It's gotta be fun everywhere we go! That's why we should get to come to the castle! The king and queen need to have some fun too!"

"Yeah, no, sorry boys but the princess here can't make those decisions on her own."

She jumped at the sudden sound of her guard's voice right behind her and turned to face him, "Where did you come from?"

"Your horse. Or did you already forget I walked you here? I knew you were excited about coming to the village but I didn't realize it was this bad."

Eliza opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by Matthias pulling at the front of her dress, "Princess? Are you friends with Mr. Gilbert?"

She looked down into the bright blue eyes staring straight back up at her and then back at Gil. He just shrugged back at her noncommittally and looked the opposite direction. Eliza sighed and gently pulled Matthias's hand off of her dress, "I suppose you could say that. Mr. Gilbert is my guard; he has to take me everywhere I need to go until I become queen at the Prince's coronation."

Alfred jumped forward and grabbed onto the hand that currently held Matthias', "Really?! You're really his friend?!"

She blinked and nodded her head, "Well, it would be bad if we didn't get along wouldn't it? So, we have to be friends or I'll have to request a new guard."

"That's surprising. I was convinced that our new princess would immediately get rid of you, Gil."

Elizaveta's eyes darted up to Ms. Heidi's face before she turned abruptly to face her guard, who looked like he honestly didn't know how to respond. Her green eyes shifted back to Heidi, who was smirking as if she was amused at the situation, "I don't understand."

Heidi suddenly looked embarrassed as she locked eyes with Eliza, almost as if she had forgotten the other girl was there, "Oh…Oh, I'm sorry. I was just picking on him a little bit he knows I wasn't trying to be malicious. Leave those kinds of comments to-"

"Anyway! All she was trying to say is that I don't think any of us expected you to call me your friend. And we don't get along, so I'm not really sure where you got that idea. I met you two days ago and we've done nothing but argue _Princess_ , so I wasn't all that prepared for your declaration that we're friends all of a sudden. I mean earlier today you told me you had no opinion of me and I'm not certain I've done anything to change that. I mean unless my amazingness just radiating off of me swayed your decision, which of course it could, it's a little strange that we're suddenly friends."

She glared at him, crossing her arms, "Well excuse me! I looked at you for help but no, you just had to shrug and look away.  If you didn't want to be friends you could've answered the question yourself!"

"Or you know, you could've not answered him at all and avoided the subject!"

"That's rude! I'm a princess; I'm not supposed to be rude!"

"I swear if I wasn't supposed to be guarding you I'd fight you right now."

"You're already fighting me, you jerk. If you didn't want to be friends you could've just said so!"

Suddenly, he was quietly glaring at her cheeks puffed out like a small pouting child, "That's not what I said. I'm just confused about when I suddenly became your friend."

Eliza paused unsure of what to say. She hadn't truly considered him to be a friend when Matthias brought it up. The children hadn't needed to know that she and Gilbert had only just met. They hadn't needed to know that it didn't matter what they talked about, it always turned into an argument.

Suddenly, the entire family in front of them was laughing and Eliza's face turned bright red as she realized that she had just been yelling like a delinquent in front of the citizens of her new country. She really hoped it wouldn't get back to the King and Queen; after all, she wanted to be able to go outside the castle. Heidi interrupted her train of thought, "Well, maybe you aren't friends but she doesn't seem to dislike you Gilbert. Maybe you've finally gotten a break."

Gil rolled his eyes but his tone of voice actually sounded happier, "Nah. I'm still expecting her to go all snobby rich kid on me any minute."

Eliza tilted her head to the side, "A break?"

Heidi's face looked surprised for a moment before Gilbert covered her mouth with both his hands, "Shut up! It's nothing. That's none of your business and you're not cool enough to know it."

Eliza almost opened her mouth to question him again when Alfred spoke up again, "Not many like Mr. Gilbert. That's all that Ms. Heidi meant. Actually, if you were paying attention..."

Matthias picked up where Alfred left off, "You'd have noticed that everyone else in town scattered when he came down from the horses."

She felt her eyebrows furrow together as she looked back at the once busy streets. Sure enough, the streets were empty except for a handful of burly men that were speaking under their breath outside the stores. It wasn't as if Eliza couldn't tell where the others had gone. Some were further into town; others were inside the many shop buildings lining the streets.

This time Madeleine spoke up, "Don't worry Princess! You'll get to meet them all too! They'll come back out eventually. They only do this for a little while each time."

"No."

The little girl tilted her head to the side, "No?"

Eliza tried to soften her gaze when she looked back down at the children, "Is it okay if I come back and play with you another day Madeleine? I might even be able to see about having the King and Queen let you come and visit me at the castle."

Dark blue eyes almost sparkled at the mention of the castle, "Yeah, it's okay! Mrs. Heidi was going to take us to see Mama today anyway!"

Eliza smiled, "Okay. Well, I've gotta go back to the castle now. It was really nice to meet you though. I promise I will play with you sometime soon."

So, she turned around and took several determined steps towards her horse before Gilbert called out to her, "Wait! You just got here! You were excited just a few minutes ago; you can't leave now!"

She jerked back around to face him fire coursing through her veins, "I was excited to meet the people of my new home and make friends with them because I believe that everyone should be treated with equality. I'm no better than the people here just because I was born royal... but I have NO interest in meeting or befriending people that can't act with the same civility to people born in a similar status to them. I have no interest in endorsing this kind of behavior; so, we're leaving. If they want to meet their princess then they better change their attitudes."

Four more determined steps towards the horse and she was there waiting for Gilbert to catch up and help her up. Eventually, he was in front of her lifting her up onto the horse with confused eyes.

They were silent the majority of the walk back to the castle before Gil glared up at her, "You didn't have to do that."

"Yes, I did."

He stopped and turned to face her, "No, you didn't because now it's my fault you didn't have the experience you wanted in town."

She shook her head, "No, it's their fault for not being civil."

He scoffed, "You didn't even think to ask why they act like that. For all you know I could've done something terrible to them. They could be acting reasonably."

"They weren't and I didn't need to ask."

"And why the hell not?"

"You wouldn't be Captain of the Guard if you were a terrible person. The royal family wouldn't have employed you if you were a threat to their people. I don't really care why they do it. I only know that your job is to protect them and the royal family and they should treat the people in charge of their safety with respect, not exclusion."

He looked somewhat embarrassed before he started walking again, "I think you've lost your mind or something. You'll probably have to get over that if you want to mee the people, you know. You protesting won't be enough to change their opinions of me and that's really all there is to it."

She glared at the back of his head, "Then I suppose I won't be meeting my people. I told you I have no tolerance for this behavior regardless of reason."

He chuckled, "There you go being unreasonable again, Princess."

She grinned, "There you go being obnoxious again, Gilbert."

He looked over his shoulder again at her for a brief moment, "So, we're friends, huh?"

She laughed, "Yeah, I guess we are."

"Rod will die."

She raised an eyebrow at him, "You know what I've noticed about you two?"

"Hm?"

She shrugged, "You refer to each other by your first names. You don't get along but you refer to each other on a familiar level."

He stopped again this time looking as if he had frozen instead of stopping to look back at her. She waited for a few moments for a witty retort but one didn't seem to be coming, "Gilbert?"

He didn't respond. Eliza shimmied forward and off the horse as carefully as possible so that she could step in front of him; but, her feet hitting the ground stirred him out of his daze, "What? Hey, don't jump off the horse! If you hurt yourself I'll be the one in trouble."

He quickly lifted her back onto the horse and started walking again. She tilted her head at him, "So, why'd you freeze up like that?"

He shook his head, "It's not important."

"But..."

"Stop. I'm not going to tell you regardless of how you ask. So, drop it."

Eliza pressed her lips together at his warning and looked away from him. He spoke up again once they could see the castle gates in the distance, "So, um, do you like Rod from what you've learned about him or no?"

She snorted in amusement, "He's very good at playing the piano. That's really all I know about him right now, though. He's not very conversational is he?"

Gilbert laughed, "No. No, he's not. Anyway, we're almost back. What're we about to do? Because unless you forgot, I'm in charge of you all day every day. We could finish the tour or some shit but I'd really rather not sit outside your bedroom door acting like I'm not bored out of my mind."

She raised an eyebrow, "And if I want to go back to my room?"

"I'd say you suck and file a complaint with the King and Queen to change my job back to normal. Which they wouldn't do, so, then I'd have to make your life miserable for making my job miserable and nobody wants any of that."

"You really are ridiculous."

He grinned back at her. "That's not the point. What're we about to do?"

Eliza shrugged, "Do you happen to know where Feli is? I want to check up on him."

He raised an eyebrow at her, "Feli? You mean Feliciano? Yeah, he should be cleaning in the servant's quarters today. He hasn't worked his way into being trusted with the bigger halls, yet. He's only cleaning; surely, you don't need to check in for just that? Oh, wait. He might also be cooking today. Anyway, no matter what he's doing he'll probably be fine."

She smiled at the memory of Feliciano's protest about people helping him, "I'd still like to check up on him."

Gilbert sighed, "Fine, but just so you know you're making my job more and more boring by the minute."

She could only laugh because, for her, life was getting more and more enjoyable by the minute.


	6. Her Flock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am supremely bad at updating on time. Anyway! Here is your next chapter!

When they walked into the hallway that the kitchen staff had pointed them to, the first sight they were met with was Feliciano tripping over himself and falling straight on his face into the semi-wet floor. He looked like he had been cleaning the floors with a small rag and a bucket of water. Elizaveta rushed to his side and pulled him into a sitting position, "Are you okay, Feli?"

Big amber eyes blinked owlishly back at her, "Yes, Miss Elizaveta, I'm okay. I thought you were supposed to be touring the castle right now?"

She smiled, "Where's the need for a tour when I've got help? I thought you might need some help, instead."

He shook his head fervently, "I know you're not a normal princess but I really should do my chores by myself."

Eliza patted his head, "And you will when you get a little bigger. What's the harm in me helping every now and then?"

"Wait, you're gonna do his chores with him?"

Eliza laughed, "Not just me. You too."

Gilbert looked actually bewildered, "What? Fuck no, I'm not. My job is to guard you not do your whims. I am not going to stoop _back_ to the level of the kid who cleans the floor. I worked my way to this point; he can work his way out of it, too."

She opened her mouth to scold him for cursing in front of Feliciano when Feli interrupted her himself, "You know it's not nice to swear in front of the princess, Mr. Gilbert."

"Do you really think I care?"

Feli flopped onto his back, wet rag in hand, "You don't care about how you look to the princess?"

Gilbert threw his hands in the air, "I don't care how I look to anyone!"

Feliciano tilted his head to the side, "But if you look bad to the royal family, you won't have a job."

Gilbert crossed his arms, "Nah. They like me; I'll be fine."

"Oh. Okay."

Eliza shook her head and stood back up, "Well, I'm going to need less expensive clothing if I'm going to help you, Feliciano. Gilbert, do you know anyone who has a spare pair of clothing to let me wear for the day?"

White eyebrows raised at her question, "You really aren't anything like I expected you would be."

She smiled again, "Last I checked that was a good thing. Now, do you know anybody?"

He sighed, "Not anybody that would allow _you_ , of all people, to wear them. Too many people are afraid of getting in trouble. Unless…"

He stopped talking and narrowed his eyes at her. She leaned back warily, "What is that look for?"

Gilbert looked away still holding a calculating face, "You might just fit them."

"Fit what?"

He started walking away back towards the kitchen, "Come on, follow me."

Elizaveta looked back at Feliciano and then cautiously followed her guard. He led her back outside, around to the back of the castle, and through a door that seemed to hide some sort of mass sleeping arrangement. Just how many people slept here? Gilbert looked back at her and immediately burst out laughing, "It's the guards' quarters. They sleep here; so, you wait in the door and I'll be right back."

Eliza nodded and stayed put while Gilbert walked further into the room and around a corner that she had not known was there. He came back around the corner minutes later, holding what looked like tattered clothing. She tilted her head to the side, "Did you just take someone else's clothing?"

Gil laughed again, "No, but that would've been a great prank. These are mine."

She crossed her arms, "Um, yeah. Like they're going to fit me. I'm not built like you, you know."

He shook his head, eyebrows raised, "You really think I'm stupid enough to not notice that? Thanks for noticing my awesome physique but these are from when I was around fourteen or so. You should be able to fit in them"

She rolled her eyes and reached for the clothing but he pulled them closer to himself, "You can't change here and if you're carrying the stuff, anyone that sees you will question where the hell I took you and why. I'd rather not cause any undue suspicion towards myself just because you decided to be weird again."

She chuckled, "Sometimes you are actually noticeably intelligent."

Red eyes glared intensely at her, "And what is that supposed to mean?"

Eliza waved a hand at him and turned back around to walk back outside the room. Gilbert pushed her slightly to the side and walked in front of her, "Excuse me _, Princess_ , I wouldn't want you getting lost on the way back to your room."

Then he sped out the door, armor clashing loudly as he jogged away. Elizaveta blinked, confused and more than surprised at being pushed to the side. She wanted to say that on a normal basis she would've scolded a person who had pushed her; but, she hadn't been pushed around since she was a child playing with the little boys in town. Maybe it was because Gilbert reminded her of youth that she didn't yell after him.

Instead, she just followed after him fighting the urge to push him back. She had to run to keep and even then it was only because he stopped in the middle of the hallway that she managed to catch up. She forced herself to breathe normally as she stopped, not willing to give him the satisfaction of winding her, "And why exactly did you decide to run here?"

She was surprised when a more formal tone of voice responded instead of Gilbert's loud and brash tone, "I would imagine it is because he is too irresponsible to do his job or act as he should. My parents were foolish to allow him to guard you. The least they could do is cut his pay temporarily to show him we are serious about you being safe. Or you could just end this nonsense and kindly request of my parents that you be assigned a new guard."

Elizaveta suddenly felt her heart racing as she caught sight of cold purple eyes glaring straight at her guard, "I..."

His gaze shifted to her, "You what? We all know it would just be better for you to go ahead and request another guard. He didn't want to guard you and he's not going to do a good job. You would be safer with a different person and you would save yourself from the annoyance of having to deal with Gilbert for the next several months. There are far fewer possibilities of negative situations happening that way and..."

Gilbert cut him off, "I _love_ how you're leaving out the fact that her requesting someone else would look bad for me and possibly cost me my position as Captain."

Roderich's eyebrows raised, "And I _love_ that by pointing that out you're trying to make her feel guilty enough to keep you."

Eliza saw Gilbert's hands close into fists around his old clothing, "That's not what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to point out that you're playing angel over there. 'It'll be better for everyone this way'. Yeah right. Except that it gives you leeway to fire me upon coronation that you wouldn't have otherwise. You're too busy trying to be your parents' perfect little boy to have the guts to do it otherwise."

Roderich crossed his arms and opened his mouth but Eliza stopped the argument from going further, "Can your childish bickering wait until later? I told Feliciano that I... that Gilbert would be helping him with his chores and I need to change into a dress that is more comfortable before we head back."

The prince's face turned bright red, "Childish... bickering?"

Eliza nodded, "Are you two going to compose yourself or should I just go back downstairs and tell Feliciano that you are both too immature and selfish to stop fighting and allow Gilbert to come help him?"

Roderich's mouth opened and closed a few times before he finally responded, "You said that Gilbert was going to help Feliciano?"

Eliza nodded again, "Under my request."

He tilted his head to the side almost calculating, "You are not needed to be there for him to help the boy, correct?"

Eliza's heart skipped a beat, "Not necessarily, no; but, he is my guard and he's supposed to stay around me, correct? Therefore, I must stay around him."

Roderich sighed, "Actually, would you mind walking with me until Gilbert and Feliciano finish the chores? You are safe inside the castle grounds and I would not fault Gilbert for doing something he was told."

"I promised Feli I'd come back."

She had blurted it out before she had the intention to do so. Roderich sighed, "Surely, you can explain to him what you are doing and then come back. He is a very understanding child."

Eliza opened her mouth to protest again; but, she had no valid excuse that he would be happy with. So, she nodded, "Of course, I will return after I have informed Feliciano."

He nodded, "I am going to the hallway just outside the throne room. You remember your way there, yes?"

Eliza nodded and he turned around, walking away arms still crossed. When he turned the corner at the end of the hallway she began moving towards the door to her bedroom again. Gilbert caught her arm in one of his hands, "Wait. These clothes. You should put them in your room so that we won't have to go get them again."

He pushed the clothing into her chest and let go of her again, "Also, don't forget to think for yourself when you're with him. He can be persuasive but he rarely tells the entire truth; so, be careful."

Eliza clutched at the clothing and nodded at Gilbert, who was refusing to make eye contact with her. She wasn't really sure why but his unusually serious attitude was putting her on edge. She turned again and proceeded to the door of her room, looking over her shoulder once more before she entered, "I'm not going to request a new guard. I have no reason to. You should probably go ahead and tell Feli what's going on. I remember my way to the throne room."

She entered the room and closed the door behind her before he got a chance to respond.

Elizaveta quickly changed into an even simpler dress to avoid suspicion, placing Gilbert's clothing hurriedly on her vanity next to the wilting flowers from the night before. When she exited the room, Gil was already gone and she began the trek through the hallways.

At her arrival, Roderich uncrossed his arms briefly and then re-crossed them as if he didn't know what else to do with them, "I thought we could walk around the gardens. You seemed to like it there before and you said before we should get to know each other better if we are to ever settle into being married."

Eliza tilted her head to the side, "I thought you said you are not skilled at conversation."

He gestured to his right until they were both walking, "That's right. I am efficient at keeping nobles and castle relations in check. However, I am not particularly practiced in speaking on a personal level. I'm afraid you will have to lead the majority of this conversation. I... I just thought that perhaps you would prefer the conversation over my piano playing."

Eliza smiled, he was trying. He was really trying to be considerate and get to know her. What had Gilbert told her? Small questions that aren't prying, "So, when did you start playing the piano? You must have a significant amount of practice under your belt to play so proficiently."

He looked shocked for a moment before he visibly relaxed, "I cannot remember a time that I did not play the piano. Some of my first memories involve teaching someone else to play. At the time, I had been a child; so, I'm really unsure when I picked it up or why. I know it is something my parents wished I do but it is also something I continue of my own interest."

Eliza felt her eyes widen, "If you weren't royalty, do you think you'd be a musician then? Oh, and do you still teach the student you taught before?"

He blinked, "I do not understand how either of those questions is relevant to our relationship... but I suppose I am the one following your lead at the moment. The first question doesn't make much sense because a career is usually determined by blood relation and birth social status. Had I not been born a royal, I am not sure what I'd be. However, if I was given the chance in this alternate universe and I had the same skill with piano as I do now, I'd like to think that I would be a musician, yes. The second question is also a little odd. I don't teach the student anymore, no. He stopped coming for lessons ages ago."

Eliza sighed, "That's too bad. It's always good to learn something new. Oh, but I suppose every person is very busy in their own way. He was probably busy too right?"

Roderich smiled but it looked sadder than anything, "Training to be Captain of the Guard, yes. He was very busy and so was I."

Eliza stopped walking temporarily stunned, "You mean Gilbert?"

He stopped as well and looked at her curiously, "Yes, why?"

She shook her head, "Nothing. There's just... there's a lot that's gone on between you two isn't there?"

He sighed, "That's... It's really hard to explain. All you need to know about that is that he's an idiot and that if I could get rid of him without my parents' disapproval I would. The same probably goes for him. If he didn't want that stupid job so badly he'd probably have attempted to kill me by now. It is not something I recommend getting involved with. I can see that you want to like him. The only advice I can give you is: if you want to see him in a pleasant light, don't get to know him."

He began walking again looking vaguely angry but also calm. Eliza blinked. Don't get to know Gilbert? Would Gilbert say the same thing about Roderich? She didn't think so. He had been adamant about not liking he husband and rarely said anything remotely positive about him; but, he had left her to decide whether or not she wanted to get to know the man.

_"For all you know I could've done something terrible to them. They could be acting reasonably."_

Maybe he _had_ done something?

Now probably wasn't a good time to ask. She sped up and re-positioned herself at Roderich's side. Something that wasn't prying. What did she want to know about him that wasn't prying?

_"So between you, me, and Rod that makes you the youngest and me the oldest."_

Eliza cleared her throat, "Um, so, I know that you're older than me and that we are fairly close in age; but, when exactly is your birthday?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, looking somewhat amused, "Not information anyone has shared with you? I turned eighteen last October on the 26th. I will turn 19 a little over four more months from now. You're the youngest one in our general age group that I am aware of. Not counting the new guards or servants of course because I'm completely unaware of their birthdays or ages."

Eliza tilted her head to the side, "The new guards or servants?"

He looked confused for a moment before his face changed entirely to a look of utter embarrassment, "Oh! Yes. I know most of the birthdays of the guards and the servants that have been here since my childhood. I used to use the birthdays as a game to improve my memory... Not that my memory is bad! I just thought it was important when I was younger to know as much as possible and so I thought I needed more space to fit it all. That sounds really stupid... just forget I said anything."

Eliza found herself laughing by the time he finished his tangent, "So, how many are in our age group?"

He looked away from her, "There are five that are here now in the age range from 15 to 21. I mean the range is technically from 18 to 21 but there aren't any younger than you until you get to the fourteens."

Eliza smiled at him, "And the five are?"

His face was blood red, "From oldest to youngest: a guard named Wang Yao, Gilbert, me, a maid named Michelle, then you."

"How old is the next oldest person after Wang Yao?"

His eyebrows furrowed together in what looked like deep thought, "Yao is 21. I can't remember the next person's name but I do remember that he is 24."

"He? So another guard."

Roderich nodded. Eliza laughed again, "So, I'm assuming there are several age gaps in the people who work and live here?"

He just nodded again. At this point, they had been mindlessly walking through the gardens for several minutes. Eliza could already see the brilliant blue of the cornflowers in the maze she had walked through the night before. She sighed almost wistfully, "It's good to know a lot about the people you are leading. The more you know, the easier it will be to do what is best for them. The child version of you seems to have a head-start on that but I think you should know even more. It'd be nice to be able to sit down and just listen to what they have to say. It's not something to be embarrassed about. It's something to be proud of. The more you associate with those below you on the social scale the better you will lead. Or at least I think so."

He stopped walking and just looked at her incredulously. She kept walking straight into the beginning of the maze, "Are you coming?"

He smiled and followed after her, "You are definitely different from anyone I've ever met."

She laughed, "I seem to hear that a lot."

* * *

 

The sun was setting when they came back out of the maze talking about everything and nothing all at the same time. Overall, he just seemed to be awkward, proud, and stiff; but, he also was friendly. She could see it underneath his overall uncomfortableness. He wasn't a bad person but that only concerned her more. If he was all that bad... then how valid was his warning about Gilbert? Had he given her a warning she should actually listen to?

He walked her back to the entrance to the throne room and left on his own path with an awkward wave. She glided in a state of confusion back to her own room. Gilbert was waiting outside her door, leaned against the wall arms crossed and eyes closed. It wasn't until she was right outside her door that she realized that he was mostly asleep. His armor had been discarded on the floor next to him, having probably never put it back on after Feliciano and he had finished the chores. His hair was nearly covering his eyes from the way he had his head tilted; so, Elizaveta reached up and pushed the hair out of his face.

Her motion brought him back to full consciousness with a startled jump. His hands flew to his hair while he simultaneously stuttered and looked for something to say. From the look in his eyes, he was probably going to yell at her once he figured out how to talk again. She smiled cutting him off, "Don't you think that, if you're going to fall asleep, someone else should be stationed here while I sleep? I'm sure you're probably more than capable of staying up all night but I'd rather you be coherent in the morning."

The fire in his eyes settled down to a soft burn, "You could've just tapped me on the shoulder."

Eliza laughed, "I know but I didn't and there's no point now."

He huffed out a breath and looked away, "Someone else is coming. I already assigned them to watch you every night. His name is Yao but you probably won't ever need to know that. I've still got a little while longer before I get to leave, though."

She leaned against the wall next to him, "I'll wait with you, then."

He paused before glaring at her, "Would you stop doing things you aren't supposed to and go to bed? I wouldn't know but you probably have a lot to do tomorrow."

She shrugged, "If I have a lot to do, then you do as well. Besides, I want to meet the person guarding my room at night. How long ago did you finish helping Feli with his chores?"

He rolled his eyes, "Ages ago. It's a small hallway and the only other thing he had to do was help cook dinner. I can't cook so I just ended up leaving because I was getting in the way. Speaking of dinner though, I'm assuming Rod took you to the dining hall? You didn't come back for me to take you and the guards eat in a different location so I wouldn't know."

Dinner? No! Eliza had missed both dinner and lunch in the confusion of the day. Her stomach voiced its hunger with a loud growl and Gilbert burst out laughing, "Wow, okay. So, you're hungry. What exactly were you two doing that you missed dinner?! No, never mind. I don't wanna know. Come on. I'm sure they still have food downstairs."

She didn't question him, following at his heels after he picked up his armor and walked towards the kitchen. Once there he allowed the armor to clatter to the ground spooking what staff still occupied the area. He pointed at her over his shoulder, "You guys still got ready food? The Princess here missed dinner."

The kitchen was immediately a picture of scrambling bodies and worried staff gathering what remained of the meal they had served. A couple minutes later Eliza was presented with a plate, "We're sorry Miss Elizaveta. It is not the best of what we made but it is still the same meal."

She smiled, "That's okay. I'm just glad that I'm eating something."

Gilbert raised an eyebrow, "You missed lunch today, also. I know because I did too. I'm surprised your stomach didn't speak up for you before now."

Eliza laughed, "I guess I was too preoccupied."

He rolled his eyes and pointed to the direction they came from, "So, we heading back for you to eat or what?"

She nodded and turned around to go back to the hallway outside her room. He followed behind, no armor in hand. Once there she began eating off the plate in an awkward silence.

"So what did you two talk about?"

_If you want to see him in a pleasant light, don't get to know him._

She shook her head, "He just wanted to get to know me better. You know like I told him to. It's funny though because I don't think we talked about me at all. It was really just me asking questions like normal."

He hummed in acknowledgment. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, "I learned that you know how to play the piano a little bit."

He stiffened up, "You what? How'd you manage to get that out of him?"

She smiled, "I just brought up the piano. He brought up you of his own volition."

He glared at her out of the corner of his eye, "I imagine he probably told you I'm pretty bad at it too."

She shook her head, "He didn't."

Gilbert looked away, "That's a surprise. I am pretty bad at it, though. It's just never really been my thing."

She smirked, "I do believe I have just heard Gilbert Beilschmidt, self-proclaimed awesome Captain of the Guard, admitting to being bad at something."

He sighed, "Don't push your luck."

She laughed, "So, you two didn't always hate each other, did you? Or were you doing the lessons under someone else's request?"

He shook his head, "I'd really rather not get into that."

She nodded and continued eating her food, returning to the awkward silence. She was chewing the last of her meal when he spoke up again, "Listen. I know you said you weren't going to request another guard; but, if you'd prefer to have someone else that's fine. I'm sure Roderich will find a way to get rid of me anyway. Don't let me guilt you into being uncomfortable all the time. When I say 'think for yourself' I mean it."

Eliza looked at him, more than confused, "Where... Where is this coming from?"

He rolled his eyes, "Only the fact that we have been continually fighting all day. And I'm sure that if Rod brought me up on his own in a conversation, he warned you about me anyway. I'd rather not be guarding someone that is going to question my integrity and my ability to defend them like you probably are going to if you keep talking to Rod... which you will because he's your husband and that's how things work."

Her chest clenched painfully, "You seem to have forgotten that we're friends Gilbert. If I wanted another guard, I'd request another guard. That goes for now and in the future. If you are here, then I am completely fine with you being here. Now, what happened to the arrogance I'm used to? You're sounding awfully unsure of yourself to be a twenty-year-old Captain of the Guard."

She thought she saw his face turning pink before he grabbed her plate and started marching away from her, "Just because I don't like dealing with people who question my intentions doesn't mean I'm not awe-inspiring,  _Princess,_  I am and you better remember it. Hell. I'm even awesome enough to return your plate to the kitchen when you should have to do it on your own!"

He paused just short of the stairs and looked back at her, cocky smirk in place, "Really though, stay there. Just because I have to follow you everywhere doesn't mean you should follow me. And try not to get kidnapped outside your own bedroom. I'm strong and all but I'm no hero. You get yourself kidnapped and I'm not saving your ass. Keep it in mind."

Then he proceeded down the stairs, leaving Eliza in the hallway by herself.

"He's such a liar."

Or she thought she was by herself. In the opposite direction Gil had just left from, stood another man with long black hair and dark brown eyes. Eliza smiled at him and extended a hand, "You must be Yao. It's nice to meet you."

He looked hesitant but he shook her hand anyway, "Yes. It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Princess Elizaveta. Your guard. He's a liar."

Eliza blinked and looked behind her at where Gilbert had disappeared, "You mean Gilbert?"

Yao nodded, half-smiling, "He would definitely save you, Princess. What better way to boost a reputation than saving the Princess?"

Gilbert's voice boomed down the hallway, "If you knew how annoying she was, Yao, you'd know that I'd be saving no one!"

Yao chuckled and shook his head, "You're such a liar."


	7. Her Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also apparently super bad at remembering when Monday is. Anyway, this chapter is a little more angsty than usual. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> BIG THANK YOU AND SHOUT OUT TO SHIRO! Shiro reviews the story every chapter and makes my day every time!

Eventually, Gilbert stopped trying to convince Yao that he didn't know what he was talking about and said goodnight. Elizaveta entered her room and was greeted by an overly excitable Feliciano, "Miss Elizaveta! I got all my chores done today and I don't even have any scrapes or bruises! Mr. Gilbert helped a lot! It was really fun because he fell down a few times because the floor was slippery and he tripped over his own feet."

She laughed, "Yeah okay. I'm assuming you like Gil then?"

Feli tilted his head to the side, "Yes I like Mr. Gilbert a lot but he's always been really nice to me so that wasn't really because of today."

Eliza smiled and patted Feliciano's head, "That's good. We should both get some sleep don't you think?"

He nodded and helped re-dress her in night clothes before leaving for his own bed. Right before she fell asleep, in the darkness of her own closed eyes, she thought she saw feathers fluttering down from the top of a golden cage.

Feliciano woke her up early the next morning and set out a rigorous schedule for her to follow. Apparently, it was the day that she resumed her lessons as a princess and soon to be queen. She had breakfast, painting, writing, singing, history, lunch, politics, etiquette, dancing, speech, and dinner, in that order. Every day, until she was Queen.

It only took a week before the days started to blur together again. Since the first day, she hadn't made any more groundbreaking discoveries. Really, her days had become political discussions and future plans with the royal family at meals, Gilbert complaining about being bored literally every other time of the day, an occasional hour with Roderich divided evenly between his piano and frivolous conversation, and listening to Feli's excitement about everything at the end of the day. There was one vital difference in the blur of her days at home and the blur of her days in her new kingdom, though.

In this new kingdom, she actually looked forward to it.

They may have been the same thing over and over again; but, the people that she was around and conversations she had, meant more to her than her entire life with her parents. What they discussed may be boring, or tedious, or really not matter at all, but it was beautiful and for the first time ever: Eliza felt like she  _could_  belong.

She still wanted something more, something even freer, but she also no longer felt like her walls were closing in on her. She still felt caged but she could see outside the feeling, and the outside was filled with beautiful people sitting within her reach and sacrificing time to make her feel less alone. She had people she felt like she belonged to and in turn a place that she was more comfortable in.

* * *

 

She had been there a month the first time they gave her a day off again and she remembered the children she had met in the village when she first arrived in the kingdom. A pang of guilt ran through her at having forgotten to go back and play with them. On her day off, she found herself dragging Gilbert behind her towards the Queen's favorite place, the painting room. If he had been facing forward when she remembered and made a dash for the room, he probably would not have been complaining so much, but, as it was...

"You know it's a little difficult to guard you when you treat me like a ragdoll. Also, you obviously don't need me to guide you around anymore so I'm not really sure why I'm still your guard anyway"

She rolled her eyes, "Roderich isn't King yet. That was the original time that you were supposed to stop guarding me so shut up."

Once the words rolled off her tongue, Eliza made a mental note to ask Roderich about why he hadn't taken the throne yet. Though they never really talked about things that were very important, Eliza felt like she was actually getting to Roderich better. She still wasn't sure she could ever love him; but, she did like how much potential he seemed to have to be a good leader to his people. He didn't seem ready to really talk or involve himself with the people that served him but he seemed open to the idea at least.

She burst into the room holding the queen with less grace than she had in years. The queen jumped at the intrusion, thankfully not holding her brush to the canvas, "Oh! Yes, Elizaveta? Is everything alright?"

Eliza felt her face heat up, "Ah, I, yes, ma'am. I just remembered a promise I made to someone and I like to ask about it."

The queen smiled and set down her painting utensils, giving Eliza her full attention. She nodded at the young princess and Elizaveta took a deep breath to hopefully steady herself, "There are some children in the village, and I promised I'd play with them a month ago. I told them it probably wasn't possible but they really wanted to come to the castle. I know that may be too much to ask but I'd like to know if they can come to visit?"

Her mother-in-law tilted her head to the side in thought, "Well, when would this visit take place?"

Eliza blinked, "I... I have the day off today so that would be convenient but I really only ask that they come on a day when I don't have lessons."

Purple eyes locked with her own green eyes, "How about they come before the ball next week?"

Eliza hadn't honestly known there was going to be a ball, "The ball?"

She hummed in approval, "Yes, we can have these children and their parents come the day before and stay the night here. That way Francine can make clothing for the occasion and they can participate the next day. It would not cause any trouble between the nobles because they would not even know about their social status. Your friends, the children, would like that, yes?"

The princess didn't think she would get her request granted; so, when the queen finished her statement she couldn't stop herself from smiling from ear to ear. She looked back at Gilbert to suggest they go and tell the family when the queen read her mind, "Oh, but unfortunately you cannot go tell them yourself. Right now the stable are off limits due to guard training activities. We will have to send a letter instead. Gilbert you know who the information is going to, correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Eliza smiled at his oddly formal address. The queen seemed amused as well, "Well, that's the first time in years I've heard you address me like that. Anyway, Eliza you write a letter during your writing lesson tomorrow and Gilbert will deliver it when he returns home in the night. Does that sound okay?"

They both nodded and Eliza excused themselves from the room before quietly squealing and wrapping her arms around Gilbert, "They get to come to the castle! They'll be so excited don't you think?! I'm excited! Are you excited?"

She pulled back to look into Gilbert's face only to be shocked that it had turned a light pink, "You okay?"

She looked into his eyes, trying to decipher what he was feeling but the moment they locked eyes, it was as if a wall went up, "Yeah, I'm fine. Not as excited as you are but fine."

Eliza blinked and let go of him, "Don't lie! I know there's something up with you. I bet you are excited as I am and you just won't admit it for fear of ruining your 'awesome' persona."

He rolled his eyes, "Yes, of course, that's it."

Eliza glared at him, "I don't understand you. You won't even tell me what's wrong when there's something off. How am I supposed to get to know you better if you won't even share that much?"

He glared back, having started to walk away, "Who said I want you to get to know me better?"

Eliza sighed and began walking after him, "What do you want to do today Gil? Surely there's something that can stop this bad attitude. I don't even know why we're arguing anymore."

He stopped again and looked at her, bewildered, "What?"

She rolled her eyes, "I'm giving you the choice of what to do today. It's not that surprising, why are you looking at me like that?"

He shook his head, "Not that. My name. You _shortened_ it."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess I did. Sorry. Anyway, what  _do_  you want to do today?"

He blinked and shook his head more slowly, "No. Keep it. The shortened name I mean. Anyway, I don't really have anything in mind. Is there anything specific you don't want to do?"

She laughed, "Please, please don't play the piano. Or do anything that is included in my lessons of a normal day."

He laughed too, "Getting tired of listening to Rod play? And trust me, those things aren't on my list of things to do for fun."

She shook her head, "It's not that I don't like listening to him play, I do. I just...prefer conversation to silence."

He put a hand to his mouth in deep thought, "Hmmm. Then I suppose I couldn't take you to the guard station either. How about we do something we're both bad at?"

"Like what?"

He grinned, "How about we try to cook something. If it turns out good then we'll save it for ourselves. If it's terrible we can..."

"No."

He laughed, "You don't even know what I was going to say!"

She tried to glare at him but she was smiling also, "You were going to suggest we give it to Roderich."

There was no stopping the loud laughter that came out of him from the accusation.

* * *

"So, um, what's the difference between a pie pan and a cake pan?"

Gil shrugged a lot more enthusiastically than was necessary, "Fuck if I know."

She pinched the bridge of her nose, grinning even though she looked frustrated, "Okay. So, maybe we should get someone to help us."

Gil took a bite out of an apple he was supposed to be slicing and nodded. He responded to her, voice distorted from talking around his food, "I'll be right back. Don't like, cook yourself in the oven, or some nonsense like that. I think I'd probably quit life if I came back to that stupidity."

She chuckled and shook her head, also grabbing an apple to snack on.

Gil came back around twenty minutes later with Feliciano on his shoulder, "He can help."

Feliciano nodded and immediately hopped down from his perch to help with their apple pie. He gathered all the materials listed in the chef's recipe and then sat on a wooden stool, "Okay! I'm going to give you instructions and you are going to follow them to the best of your ability."

* * *

 

By the time they had put the pie in the oven, Elizaveta's hair was nearly as white as Gilbert's and her dress had definitely been ruined. Gilbert had placed the pie in the oven had turned around to talk to her but instead found himself doubled over laughing. She would've yelled at him but she was too busy trying to hold back laughter at his appearance. He had stripped his armor upon entering the kitchen but had never returned to his room to get a pair of less heavy shoes. Instead, he had chosen to walk around barefoot, wearing only some mildly dirty, but extremely worn, clothing articles. It was the same outfit he had been in when they first met in the stables and Eliza wouldn't have been surprised if it was one of the only outfits he owned. Luckily, he didn't seem to care if it was covered in cooking supplies or smashed apple, as it currently was.

In fact, the majority of Gilbert's body looked like he had been sprinkled with flour and he had the sugary apple filling stuck to his face and hands. With his already-white hair, and flour-white everything else, Eliza wouldn't have been surprised if someone walked in and was spooked by his phantom-like appearance. The thought sent her over the edge and she burst into laughter as well.

The sound of her melodic laughter seemed to catch him off guard and he stopped, just looking at her in wonder for a moment. She shook her head, still laughing, "You look like a ghost!"

She expected him to start laughing again but instead, he gave her a shaky smile and ruffled her hair, "You're no better, Lizzy. We could probably make another pie with all the flour that is in your hair."

Her heart stammered but she couldn't pinpoint why. Maybe she was only in shock that he hadn't used her title, as he always did. Regardless, her laughter quieted until she was only having bursts of small giggles, "Well, then, I suppose we probably would look like we're related. What with my white hair and all."

He raised an eyebrow, "Nah. I think we look a lot like the normal version of me: getting into things I shouldn't be. And then some weird reckless version of you that decided to go swimming in the kitchen supplies."

She grinned and swiped some of the apple filling off of his face, "Says the one that has more kitchen supplies on him than I do."

He looked like he was at a loss for words and his face had turned a light pink again. Suddenly, he looked away from her, puffing his cheeks like a pouty child, "It's not that hard to just let my statement stand you know. You don't have to contradict me every time."

She shrugged, "But where's the fun in that?"

He put a hand behind his head, almost like he was going to run his fingers through his hair but decided not to last minute, "So, you don't have a problem with the name?"

"What?"

He glanced into her eyes and then immediately away again, "I called you Lizzy. You don't have a problem with that?"

She tilted her head to the side, "Why would I? It's not a name I'm used to but I told you to shorten my name a long time ago. Why would I have a problem with you doing what I told you to do?"

He blinked and then laughed kind of awkwardly but it still sounded almost normal to her, "Yeah. Okay. Never mind."

She smiled and turned her head to ask Feli about when to get the pie out of the oven, only to find that the child had disappeared. Gil followed her eyes as well, "Wow. When did he even leave?"

Eliza shrugged again, "I don't know. I guess we'll have to guess the rest of the process."

He smirked, "Just my style."

* * *

When the pie came out of the oven, it was probably a little darker than it should have been but they didn't care. Eliza was worried it wasn't going to taste very good but before she could even settle her own worries Gilbert had stuffed nearly an entire piece in his mouth. He wasn't gagging so she guessed it was probably safe; so, she reached her a piece herself. Before she could lay a hand on the pie, Gilbert had grabbed her hand and pulled it to his side, away from the dessert.

She tried to open her mouth to question him but he just held up a finger with his other hand.  _Give me a minute._

She sighed and looked back at the pie, not noticing that he had yet to let go of her hand completely. She could feel his fingertips grazing the inside of her palm but thought nothing of it as he continued to chew the food in his mouth. Eventually, he swallowed the slice in his mouth and coughed twice, "Wait for it to cool. I just burned my mouth worse than the fires of hell are going to eventually burn my skin."

She couldn't stop the bubbling laughter from escaping her. In fact, she was laughing so hard she needed to hold on to something. She reached forward for the counter but Gilbert pulled her backward causing them both to trip and slide to the still-flour-covered floor, "Dammit, I told you not to touch it. You'll burn yourself."

Eliza looked up at him still occasionally letting out bursts of uncontrollable laughter. He was looking at her with a serious expression, which, for some reason, only made her want to laugh more. When she looked at him, though, she could actually see the sternness melting away into something else entirely. Before long, he was laughing with her, neither attempting to get out of the floor or remove themselves from each other.

"You know, Gilbert, I knew you were crazy; but, I didn't know you were this crazy."

They looked up to see the amused face of the head cook staring back down at them. Eliza attempted to sober up her laughter to explain, "We fell, Benji. He thought I was going to burn myself and tripped us both and now we're on the floor."

Benji chuckled, "Just doing his job then, eh, Princess?"

She wanted to agree with the comment but something about his tone sounded almost... sarcastic. Gilbert _had_ been doing his job so why did it feel like Benji was seeing something she wasn't. It took Gilbert's hands sliding off her waist to stand to realize what that might've been and she turned bright red. She hurriedly got to her feet as well, "I'll have you know that's exactly what he was doing Benji."

Suddenly, Benji's face was bright red, "Ah. Princess... I didn't mean... I apologize; that was inappropriate of me to think."

Eliza crossed her arms, "You're right. It was very inappropriate. I expect for you to not insinuate anything of the sort again."

He couldn't seem to make eye contact with her again after that. Eliza sighed and reached for a piece of the now cool pie before walking out the servants' entrance and into the open air. Gilbert followed her out, not saying a word. They stood in a semi-comfortable silence right outside the door as Eliza finished her dessert.

She had just put the last bite in her mouth when Gilbert shifted, his bare feet sliding across the dirt, "I'm sorry."

She glanced over at him, "What for?"

He shook his head, "It's my fault that he thought... he thought that we... I'm just sorry okay? I shouldn't have been so close."

Eliza didn't know why but something about him apologizing for being close to her hurt. It wasn't a single confusing flare of pain. No, it felt more like someone had unbalanced her entire world and her body didn't know how to respond. It was like... it was like someone had picked up her cage and shaken it with her still inside.

She wanted to tell him that it was okay but she knew she couldn't. He was right. She was a princess and it didn't matter that he had only been attempting to do his job. She was married and the space between herself and the other men around her was expected to be large. She knew all of this and, yet, when she put it all together in her head it felt like she had hit the ground, wings unable to save her. Unable to fly.

For the first time since she had settled into her new home, she felt utterly alone again.

And that scared her.


	8. Her Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst! There's angst in this chapter. Also like past!prostitution? To survive? Hard to explain. You'll see.   
> Some dialogue backstory as well.

_“I want the world for you Eliza.”_

_It had been the first time her father had ever called her by the name she had picked for herself. Young immature eyes blinked up at him as he pulled her into his lap._

_He sighed, “But you have to understand that neither of us will always get what we want. In fact, I’m not sure either of us will ever obtain what we really want and I’m sorry about that.”_

_She blinked again, “I don’t understand, daddy.”_

_He glanced away, “Maybe not now but you will someday. Someday you’ll be given an option between what you want and what is expected and after you make that choice there will be no going back, no saying you didn’t mean it and returning to the side you didn’t pick. None of it will work. I just hope that when that time comes you pick the right side. God knows I didn’t.”_

_She really hadn’t understood._

* * *

The walk back to her room had been tense the night after Gilbert had apologized. Really, the entire week after had been tense. Eliza couldn't look either Gilbert nor Roderich in the eyes. Maybe she was being stupid but she really felt like she had unbalanced something that was already tilting over the edge; but, instead of what she unbalanced falling into oblivion, she had taken the dive herself. Into the dark depths of feeling alone without explanation. It was as if her cage had been shattered but she still could not fly.

In reality, she was all too aware that her status was still intact and trapping her inside. After all, she was still a princess was she not? She was still bound to her throne, her marriage, and ultimately her destiny. Even thinking that it was possible to get out of the cage was hopeful thinking despite the idea of freedom frightening her as of late. To be honest, she wasn't sure what exactly was at the base of her fear.

Or her guilt.

She only knew that her conscious was telling her she was guilty of a crime she wasn't even sure existed. And so, she couldn't look at either of the men that were constantly present in her life. She knew they had both noticed her unusual silence. She knew that Gilbert's attempt at stupid jokes or witty comments were him attempting to get her to speak again. She knew that Roderich's fumbling over his piano keys when she sat and listened to him play was evidence of his own awkward desire to understand what was wrong with her.

She was so intent on blocking them both out for so long that she barely zoned into the world fast enough to have Alfred, Madeleine, and Matthias run straight into the front of her legs, laughing and all shouting about her being the best princess ever. Eliza knelt down and returned all of their hugs, "I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner. I've been very busy."

Heidi followed behind them looking more than a little overwhelmed, "What kind of money does it take to live in a place like this? Scratch that. What kind of neglect does it take to ignore the ones who don't live like this? How could any person live here without feeling guilty?"

Eliza sighed, "I've been asking the same question my entire life and have come to the realization that, unfortunately, the answer to that question for many people is: quite easily."

Heidi looked shocked that anybody had actually heard her, "Not that I really care about those assholes in town, I mean. Just some of the mothers. I suppose with such an exalted view, it would be easy to get lost in it all."

Eliza chuckled, "Yeah, it is if you stop paying attention. It's also really easy to get lost in this building in general."

Alfred tugged at her skirt, "Hey. What's wrong with you?"

She raised an eyebrow, somewhat startled by the question. Madeleine peeked around her brother, "It's just that you seem sad, Princess."  
  
Eliza froze and tried to respond but she couldn't. For whatever reason, her mouth seemed to be unable to shape itself around words that actually made sense. She swallowed and bit her lip trying to come up with an explanation. Heidi pulled her to her feet and around a corner into one of the hallways. She heard Gilbert's armor clink as he began to follow. Eliza didn't look but she knew from the tone of her voice, Heidi must've been glaring at him, "You stay there. Watch the kids."

Once around the corner, Heidi put both hands on her shoulders, "Alright. So what happened? They're not wrong, you're giving off this intense melancholy vibe and I don't like it. Surely a month in this country hasn't ruined your personality this much."

Their green eyes met, one shocked and the other determined, "Ruined my personality?"

Heidi nodded, not breaking eye contact, "You had a fight to you when we first met. You seem more than a little lost now; so, what happened?"

Eliza looked away, "It's not anything important."  
  
Heidi narrowed her eyes, "Did Gilbert do something because I swear I will kick his ass."

Eliza heaved a breath in and out of her lungs. How was she supposed to answer that? How was she supposed to say that him apologizing for something he  _should've_ apologized for had made her feel so helpless? How was she supposed to say that she didn't even know what was wrong with her? That she only knew that she didn't know how to see things anymore? That she had no idea how to repair the constraints she had so desperately wanted out of? How was she supposed to say any of it?

She just shook her head, still not meeting Heidi's eyes. Heidi sighed, "I suppose we aren't even close enough for you to tell me, huh? Just...don't forget that you can tell me. If you want, you know."

Eliza sighed and nodded before freeing herself from the grasp on her shoulders and returning to the children. The children had begun running around the gigantic entrance to the castle and were much further away than she expected. She made the mistake of glancing at Gilbert. One look couldn't hurt, right? Instead of a glance, she found herself in a heated staredown. Heidi came around the corner behind her and put her hand over her eyes, thankfully saving Eliza from her already panicking soul, "Dammit I knew you had to have done something to her Gilbert. How'd you mess up this one, hm? I suppose it wasn't your fault, right? Isn't that what you always say? I really thought you were going to be fine this time. But noooooo."

Eliza couldn't see but, even though it was almost silent, she heard Gilbert's shaky intake of breath like it was a shout from the top of a mountain, "I didn't... I wasn't... I didn't mean... I apologized. It's her damn fault that she's so upset! I can't do any more than apologize and forget about it. She's the one that's making everything so damn difficult."

Everything inside her felt like it was on fire. He was right. I was her that was messing everything up. It was her fault that nothing seemed right anymore. It was her fault that her body was reaching for something that was beyond her line of sight and she had no idea how to make it stop. She didn't realize she had started crying until Heidi pulled back her hand and pulled her face towards her, "Are... are you okay?"

Elizaveta tried to blink the tears out of her eyes, "I'm okay. I... it'll be fine."

Heidi wiped at her eyes with her rough sleeve and patted her hair, "It better be."

"Oh, honey, not this again."

Eliza looked up to see Francine, hands on her hips staring at her over Heidi's head, looking somewhere between disappointed and concerned, "Love is a terrible and painful thing is it not?"

What? What did she even mean? She waved a hand, "But it is all the more painful to be without it, sweetheart. Maybe you don't love him yet but give it time. The heart will always lead you exactly where you are supposed to be."

"What the hell are you going on about?"

Everyone's eyes shifted to Gilbert, who looked more confused than Eliza had ever seen him. Francine's blue eyes lit up, "Gil! It's been too long! Did you do it? Are you Captain of the Guard now?"

Gil nodded and then abruptly found himself being embraced by the excitable older woman, "That's great! You know I designed the princess's wedding dress, right? I keep on getting requests! It's fantastic!."

Eliza's instinct pushed her forward, ready to... wait, what was she ready to do? 

Pull Francine away? 

Why?

"Mommy!"

Everyone jumped at that, having forgotten the children were present in the room. Wait, but that sounded like Alfred. Francine detached herself from Gilbert and ran towards the children with open arms, "Ah! My babies!"

Elizaveta looked on, confused, as she swept Alfred and Madeleine both into her arms and whisked them into the air, "You're getting so big! Stop that or you'll out-grow me!"

The kids laughed and clung to her as if when they let go she would disappear. Heidi smiled and patted Eliza on the back, "She's the twins' mother. She travels a lot doing the fashion stuff. That's why I take care of them. As you can probably tell, she is one of the few people that Gilbert hasn't annoyed to the point of exhaustion."

Green eyes shifted to look Heidi in the face, "Yeah. I didn't know they knew each other."

Heidi smiled almost sadly, "They don't get to talk much so I assume they probably forget about each other in their day to day lives; but, back when Gilbert was a teen, maybe around thirteen or fourteen, Francine moved here with the twins. They had just been born and it was the middle of the summer. Gilbert used to walk around with a frown always on his face and, I mean, I wanted to help but things were different then. He didn't trust me then. Anyway, Francine didn't really have a place to be or a dream to guide her. I remember being a kid and seeing her sleepily feeding her children and trying to ward off the men in town. I remember watching her follow those same men to bed in the night so she would have food in the morning.

"Gilbert didn't come to town much then; and, when he did he avoided the main parts of town. But, he had to go to the main street this one day and he saw her barely holding her head up, clutching those babies for dear life. If you ask him or Francine, he was only trying to help her when he shimmied Alfred out of her arms and into his own. He said he was going to hold him and wake her up a little so she could hold Madeleine a little firmer. The townspeople will tell you otherwise. This old woman started shouting about how he was going to steal the baby and sell him or some nonsense like that. The people who heard her chased him out of the town before he could even jostle Francine awake. He wouldn't tell you now; but, I remember his back being bruised from where they had thrown things at him.

"Well, anyway, he still had Alfred in his arms when they started chasing him; so, when he got out of the town he  _had_ actually stolen her baby. He said he looked down at Alfred then and he was smiling up at him. Gil would probably tell you that it made him really happy when he saw the kid smiling. Francine would tell you that Gilbert was terrified. She followed him out of the village and she's told the kids several times over that when she caught up to him he was sobbing. She said he kept apologizing and shaking his head. But she just sat down next to him and said, 'You know, someone with as much passion and love as I can see in your eyes should never be this sad.' So, I'm not really sure what happened after that; but I do know that Gilbert brought her food every day for years after that so she wouldn't have to sleep with the men in the village. I also know that by the time she figured out she could do fashion, she trusted him so much that she left the twins with him. They grew up with him for a year, right here in the castle grounds. He became a guard the year after that and so they became my responsibility. Of course, I didn't include myself in that story but that's a whole different story."

Eliza wasn't sure what the feeling blossoming in her chest. Pride maybe? Or relief? Some weird combination of the two?

"So, he used to be their guardian then? How long ago was that?"

Heidi shrugged, "The twins were four when I became their guardian and Gil had them for a year before that. He was around sixteen when he took them in. Oh, but he didn't take care of them by himself. The previous Captain of the Guard helped a lot and I visited the barracks all the time back then. Not that the people in the castle would know it."

She nodded and watched as Francine continued to babble to her children for several minutes, marveling at how much the bright woman seemed to have gone through. She was strong there was no denying that. Suddenly the older woman turned to look at her smile wide and pride in her eyes, "I assume it's you who got them to let my little ones into the castle? So, what's the occasion?"

Eliza chuckled a little at her enthusiasm, "Well, I'm sure you probably know that there is a ball tomorrow. They're going to attend dressed as nobles. So, I suppose they're going to need your help."

Her eyes lit up, "No problem! I already have things designed for them. They are my little muses, of course, so that's not surprising. However, I was just on my way to meet you. A princess cannot be outdone at a ball and I'm afraid I don't have a dress perfect enough for you yet. I was hoping you had time to stand still and let me put one together for you. Of course, if you are busy, I have your measurements and I can create something beautiful alone. So, what do you say?"

Alfred raised both his arms in the air, "I want to come!"

The two other children followed suit until there were choruses of tiny voices chanting about coming with Eliza to get a dress designed. Eliza sighed, "Is there any way that you can design one with me in the room but not on my body. Would that be good enough?"

Francine shrugged, "I suppose that would meet my needs, yes. But why would you want that?"

Green eyes glanced back at Gil and then focused on the designer again, "I'm just thinking that if the children are coming, then Heidi has to come too. At that point, we're all in a room together forcing Gilbert to stand in the hall and be bored with life. But he can't enter the room if I'm half-dressed for you to design."

She tilted her head to the side, "But, Princess, he can't enter your bedroom anyway. Or did I miss something?"

Eliza rolled her eyes, "He's my guard and I'm sure it's probably a breach of protocol to allow so many people outside of the inner circle of the royal family in my room anyway. Besides, with all of you inside I'm not sure that would even matter. We could even leave the door open if you don't use my body to put the dress together."

Francine turned quickly around and looked back at Gilbert, "You're her guard?"

He nodded and she grinned, "Well, then I suppose we should all go to the Princess's room."

* * *

Eliza probably would've been bored had the children not been overly excited about every detail that was being added to the dress. Heidi had taken the chair by her vanity and was holding Matthias in her lap. Alfred and Madeleine were following close behind Francine with every step that she took. Eliza had started by standing near the end of the bed and had slowly sunk to the floor in a semi-exhaustion. Gilbert had taken two steps into the room and stopped as if there was some barrier preventing him from really entering.

Eliza glanced over at him, "You know you won't get in trouble right?"

He met her eyes and then looked away, back at Francine, "That's not what I'm worried about."

"Then what are you-"

"I'm hungry!"

It had been Matthias who started it that time; but, sure enough, the other two picked up his cry soon after. Gil shrugged, "It is almost time for lunch Francine. You should probably take them to eat while I escort  _that one_  to lunch with the royal family."

Francine nodded and grabbed a hand of both of her children, "Come on Heidi. We're going to go grab some food."

Heidi reluctantly followed the woman out of the room. Gilbert stood awkwardly in the doorway waiting for Eliza to get back on her feet, "Do you need help?"

Eliza shook her head and pushed herself off of the floor, "No I'm good."

"So, you're talking to me again?"

She hummed in approval and brushed off her dress. He sighed, "Why exactly are you talking to me again? I mean you were just crying maybe two hours ago and now everything is fine?"

She shook her head, trying to seem nonchalant despite her heart still spasming at the idea of messing something up again, "It's just how it worked out. It was my fault we weren't talking and so now we're talking again."

"And you aren't upset anymore?"

She moved to join him at the door, "I'm not sure upset is the word I'd use. Confused, maybe. Or frustrated. Or just uncertain in general."

His eyebrows furrowed together as he began to lead her out of the room, "I don't understand."

She smiled, "That seems to be another thing we have in common."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged, "Who knows?"

He glared back at her, "Would you stop being weird?"

"Why don't you ever actually talk about yourself? I mean you boast about being awesome but you never talk about events in your life. Why is that?"

He stopped walking entirely, "What's causing you to bring this up?"

She stopped too and redirected her gaze to the ceiling, "Heidi told me about how you met Francine and about you taking care of the twins years ago. It's just a little weird to me that we can spend literally every moment of being awake right next to each other and know virtually nothing about the other."

She smiled as his face dusted pink again, "I don't really think about events like that. Really, I try not to think about anything before last September; so, I suppose I only have roughly a year's worth of memories that I'm willing to speak about."

She tilted her head to the side, "What's important about last September?"

He looked shocked for a second but he didn't try to hide the sadness in his eyes when the question settled, "That's when I became Captain of the Guard."

Her eyebrows furrowed together, "Shouldn't you look happier about that?"

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "Yeah, maybe, but in order for me to become Captain, the previous one had to die. We weren't really related but if you hear someone...someone talking about my dad...that's who they are talking about."

"Oh."

 


	9. His Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter and soooo much backstory. And so it begins.  
> TW: mention of miscarriage

Gil laughed awkwardly and scratched the back of his head, "I didn't mean for everything to get all depressing. Come on, I have to take you to lunch."

Elizaveta grabbed his hand one impulse, "No. I said I wanted you to talk more about yourself and it isn't as if they actually need me in there right now. They'll see me at dinner; we're going somewhere else."

She didn't have to look at his cheeks to know that they had turned pink again, "Wha-What? What if I don't want to talk about it?"

She ignored him and pulled him back towards the kitchen, "You seem to think that I haven't picked up on your social habits. When you don't want to talk about something you avoid the subject at all costs. When you don't want to go somewhere or do something, you resist both verbally and physically. You're doing neither as of right now. So, you either want to talk about it or you are indifferent. Either way: I want to know more."

She heard him sigh behind her, sounding almost amused, as she dragged him through the open door of the kitchen. The rest of their crew was there as well and Eliza had to fight the urge to look at their shocked expressions. She felt her own face heat up as she realized how her request was probably going to be taken, "Benji? Is there any way you can put something together to eat outside?"

He didn't turn to look at her, "For the whole royal family?"

She shook her head despite him not being able to see her, "No."

He looked, curiously, over his shoulder towards her. She saw his eyes drop and then return back to her face with a mischievous twinkle in them, "Oh, I see. Yes, I can fix that."

Eliza looked down to follow his eyes and saw her own fingers intertwined with Gil's. She started to let go but Gilbert's fingers tightened around hers, "Ben stop that damn nonsense that you seem to be prone to thinking. I'm fairly certain Lizzy made it perfectly clear that she wasn't pleased with that last time."

Everyone in the kitchen froze but Eliza couldn't place why. Gilbert had only supported her belief that it was inappropriate for Benji to think she and Gilbert were romantically involved. She saw Francine and Heidi look at each other out of the corner of her eye, mouths open.

"Lizzy?" They whispered

The kitchen staff kept looking back and forth between Elizaveta and Benji, "Last time?"

Elizaveta threw her free arm in the air, "Would you all get your minds back on track and stop making my life difficult?! Whatever you're thinking it's wrong and I don't appreciate it!"

They all jumped at her sudden outburst but followed her instructions, returning to the things they were doing before they froze. However, they all seemed much happier about everything than they were before. Eliza expected the children to pipe up with an embarrassing question or two but they stayed quiet. It only took Benji a few minutes to prepare a basket of food for them and she took it, darting out of the of the room. Gil, by attachment, stumbled into a fast-walk behind her. She was going to go around the back of the castle and to the gardens but Gilbert stopped behind her forcing her to stop as well, "Wait."

She looked back at him. He pointed to the almost hidden door of the guards' barracks, "It's a little too hot out for me to be in this metal armor. And I get the feeling we're going to the gardens and I don't really want to crush any flowers by putting it down on top of them."

Eliza laughed, "Yeah, okay. It would definitely be a shame if you killed a couple out of thousands of flowers by setting armor on them. Go change."

He let go of her hand and marched away in mock irritation, "Don't patronize me."

She laughed again and repositioned herself with the basket so she wouldn't be mid-step. She looked up at the sky, watching the clouds go by. What would it take to just float away like they did? What would it take to be as happy as the sky looked?

"So, we heading out or what?"

She looked over at him, out of his armor and for once wearing what seemed to be clean clothing, "Yep."

Then she took off running, laughing the whole time, Gilbert sprinting after her. He caught up to her with ease grabbing her hand again when he did. She smiled and kept running. What could it hurt?

* * *

By the time they reached the innermost portion of the maze, she was out of breath and Gil was breathing heavily. She let go of both his hand and the basket, choosing instead to flop into the grass and lay still for a moment. While she was catching her breath, Gil sat down next to her, already fine, "You seem to like this part of the gardens a lot."

She peeked up at him through bright eyes, "What makes you say that?"

He smiled and picked a few of the cornflowers around him, "I heard some of the servants talking about how you got Rod to come through here the first time you guys took a walk together. And it's where we first met. And we're here now."

She looked back up at the skies, "I suppose I do like it a lot. Lilies are my favorite flower but it's interesting that there's this whole section dedicated to cornflowers. It's a little weird, you know, to be surrounded by red and white and then suddenly everything is blue."

He started twisting the stems together, "I always thought that these were the prettiest flowers here. I'm glad that they're over here."

She sat up and leaned forward to get a better view of his face, "So, would you say that these are your favorite flowers?"

His smile was soft but confident, "Yeah. Something like that."

She smiled and picked a few of her own to place in her hair, "That's interesting. Roderich seems to hate them. Though, that doesn't make much sense because I can't see why there would be this many if he didn't like them."

Gilbert sighed and stopped twisting the stems for a moment, "He used to love them."

She looked back over at him to find that he was frowning, eyebrows knit together as if he didn't understand something. Her eyebrows followed suit, "He did?"

Gilbert nodded, "A long time ago. I suppose he probably associates them with me. Which makes some sense. It's not really the flower he dislikes, it's me."

She bit her lip, "I'm starting to think I'm only ever going to get vague hints about what happened between the two of you and it's driving me crazy."

Suddenly, his hands were picking the few flowers she had put in her hair out with a practiced ease, "Do you really want to know? Or are you going to be upset if it's not what you're expecting?"

Not what she expected? But she didn't know what to expect, to begin with. She reached for the flowers in front of her to replace the ones in her hair, "No, I really want to know."

"You have to promise to not be upset with either one of us. I'm frankly tired of being on the wrong end of your silent treatment and Roderich would hate me even more if you were upset with him because of me."

She peeked warily over at him, heart speeding up just slightly, "I promise."

He smiled, shakily, and then returned to a look of concentration as he focused back on the flowers in his hand, "Are you sure you want to hear that right now? I thought you wanted to know about the previous Captain of the Guard."

"Tell me at the same time. Surely you could manage that?"

He groaned but she could see the splitting grin on his face, "Why do you gotta be so difficult?"

* * *

"Gilbert Beilschmidt! Get back here and do your chores! I will have no nonsense! Do you hear me?!"

Tiny legs sprinted to get away. He was _done_ with having to clean the floors. He was done with the guards tripping him when he wasn't looking and he was done being told he wasn't good enough to enter the parts of the palace that had sparkling floors and pristine _everything_. Sure, it'd be cool to tell someone he lived in the castle but who was going to listen? At only nine years old, Gilbert had already decided that he was done trying to be everything the world pushed on him. He was going to be himself and that would just have to be good enough.

Angry feet slowed down and kicked at the ground under him, "Don't they know it's hard enough to clean that hallway _without_ them knocking my bucket over?"

He had made his way to the stables so he could sit down and not have to worry about anything for a while. After all, the horses weren't going to tell him what to do; no, no, they were not. He climbed into the empty stall at the end of the row and curled up in the leftover hay. His dad just was never going to get it was he? He couldn't do the best cleaning job because he was always being picked on and having his work messed up. How was he supposed to be the best of the best when the odds were already set against him?

The child sighed and lay down in the hay, ready to give up for the day and just take a nap. Instead, he was startled as a baby bird fell from its perch in the rafters and straight onto his face. Letting out a surprised yelp, he sat back up again and shifted the small bird into his hands. It looked like it might have been a chicken but the boy couldn't quite tell. All he really knew was that its tiny yellow feathers were tickling the palms of his hands. Gilbert smiled, "I'm not sure I can reach high enough to put you back little buddy. Sorry about that."

"Gilbert."

He looked up into the stern blue eyes of his father, prepared for the scolding that always came when he abandoned his chores. "Where did you get the bird?"

The child grinned, "I caught him. Pretty cool, huh?"

His father frowned and walked into the stall sitting stiffly next to him, "You know... you can't run off like that every time you get upset. I know it's frustrating to be told you're doing something wrong but I hope that one day you'll understand that if you learn to fight and stand up for yourself; that you'll be able to tell the difference between the malicious comments and the constructive ones."

Gilbert puffed out his cheeks and pulled the chick closer to him, refusing to look at the man next to him, "It would be so much easier if you'd just tell them to stop. They listen to you."

"I won't"

Red eyes filled with angry unshed tears, "Why not?"

"You'll never learn to deal with it that way. You'll come running to me every time something goes wrong and one day... one day I won't be there to help and you'll be lost with no clue how to survive the world."

"But..."

A large hand ruffled his hair, "No, 'buts', mister. I didn't take you into the guard to raise you to be a wimpy little kid who can't deal with his own problems. You either belt up or find a different job. No son of mine is going to be such a degenerate guard. I won't have it."

Gilbert glared at the man next to him, "You didn't have to take me in you know. Maybe I don't want to serve that stuffy family, anyway."

A blond eyebrow shot up at that claim, "You'd rather grow up in the church then? I can take you back. Now, which streets to turn down?"

The stall was filled with another huff from the younger boy and a deep chuckle from the older man, "Maybe you won't be a guard. That's okay Gil. As long as you are strong enough to live in this world... I'll be happy."

Gilbert grinned, "Then I'll just have to do a lot of push-ups then!"

His father sighed, "That not what I mean."

Before Gilbert could ask about it, another much older man came bounding and peeked over the stall, "Captain Reinhold! Some of the new recruits are fighting again."

Blue eyes turned to ice as he redirected his gaze to the guard, "How many times do I have to tell you to address me by my last name?"

The other man cowered, "Sorry sir! I should have said Captain Beilschmidt, sir!"

He turned and left awkwardly while blue eyes melted just slightly and settled back to the red ones below him, "You should head back and finish your chores. I'll be angry if you aren't back by the time I finish with the recruits."

Gilbert nodded--moment broken--and looked at his feet as he was left alone in the stall again.

* * *

It took him hours to finish cleaning that single hallway. By the time he was finished with it, he had missed dinner and the sun had long since disappeared out of the sky. He was exhausted and generally in a bad mood, so he decided not to go back to his bed. After all, he'd heard some of the maids talking about how it was bad to go to bed angry. So, he found himself in the gardens looking at the mix of blue and white and red at his feet. There were so many different shades of the colors everywhere he looked and to be honest it was pretty calming. What was more calming, though, was the soft melody coming from one of the windows.

Occasionally, his ears would perk up to hear a few lower background notes; but, for the most part, the melody was the only thing coming through. Someone was playing the piano and even though it was a simple song, it was beautiful. He peeked in the window the sound was coming from to see a boy, nearly the same size as him, eyes closed, hands drifting over the keys. He looked like he was saying numbers to himself but Gilbert couldn't be sure. He was sure, however, that this boy had to be part of the royal family. Which meant that he had to be the prince.

He ducked out of view of the window, sitting in one of the flower beds. He wasn't supposed to be around the royal family. He wasn't allowed in that part of the castle. If this boy saw him... he didn't want to think about the scolding if his father found out. But wait, he was allowed to be in the gardens. Surely, as long as he wasn't bothering the smaller boy there was nothing for his dad to be mad about, right?

So he sat and he listened until the moon was in the sky and he was unwillingly dozing off to sleep. His eyes finally betrayed him and he fell asleep in the flowers just outside the window, melody still floating over his head. He hadn't even felt himself falling asleep, though. 

* * *

He woke up in his own bed well past noon the next day. His dad was hovering over him looking almost concerned as he opened his bleary eyes. "Dad? What's up?"

"You're sick."

He didn't feel sick but he sat up slowly anyway, "Who says?"

"The doctor."

Had a doctor checked on him? When? But he supposed if the doctor had said he was sick, he was probably sick. "What do I have?"

Suddenly, his dad's hand touched his forehead, feeling ice cold, "A fever. You vomited a few hours ago do you not remember that?"

He didn't so he shook his head. His father sighed, "You also have a rash on your back and legs. You're sure you don't remember vomiting?"

Gilbert nodded, "Yes. I don't even feel sick."

His father leaned to the side just slightly looking as if he was trying to evaluate the worth of something, ponytail swaying with the movement, "There's something wrong with you."

Gilbert shook his head again and tried to get out of bed, "But there's not."

But when his feet hit the cold floor, he was suddenly very dizzy, very itchy, and very hot. He swayed a little on his feet; unsure whether or not moving would be a good idea. His father picked him up and put him back in his bed, "No. You will stay in bed until the doctor knows what is wrong with you."

Gilbert nodded and flopped backward, much more okay with the idea now that he felt so off. His father got up to walk away but Gil's hand grabbed his sleeve, "Dad?"

"Hm?"

"How'd you get a doctor to come see me?"

He looked away, "The queen called for one. The Prince said he heard you breathing oddly in the gardens. He got scared and thought you were going to die so he told his mother. His mother called the doctor so that her son could be at ease."

Gilbert swallowed, "He thought I was... going to die?"

His father nodded and continued to the door after detaching his son from his sleeve, "I thought so too... for a while."

It was so quiet he almost didn't believe he had heard it.

* * *

It turned out that Gilbert had been asleep for two days and that's why he wasn't allowed to leave the bed. The doctor took nearly a week to determine that whatever was wrong with him wasn't something he knew how to treat. By that time, his rash and fever had gone away and the child wasn't sure there _was_ anything to treat in the first place. The first day he was back on his feet he was flooded with chores.

He wished that didn't make him as angry as it did because it was much harder to actually do the work when he was on the brink of punching something than it was when he was calm. He found himself curled under the window in the garden by noon hoping against all hope that the Prince would be playing the piano. He only stayed for a few minutes that time, calm again.

That became his routine: wake up and do his chores for a few hours, eat lunch, listen to the Prince play for a few minutes, and then return to the chores until time for dinner. Something about the method made it easy to ignore the taunting and teasing of the guards around him. Which made his dad look so much happier when he was around him. Gilbert for the first time was comfortable with life.

There was no need to reach for the friends he didn't have or try to play with the other servant children. There was no need to walk all the way to town just to be told that he was never going to fit in. There was no need to pay attention to the ranting and raving of everyone around him, excluding him from life as a normal child. There was no need because Gilbert didn't need anyone else. It had taken him nine years to determine he didn't need friends; in fact, he didn't even want them anymore. What could be better than the content feeling he had right then?

His life turned upside down again just a few weeks later. He had been sitting outside the window, like normal, but the piano stopped the making sound. It took him several seconds to realize he was no longer humming the tune with the assistance of the instrument and he stopped, halfway through making a flower crown out of the ones around him.

"You know it's not nice to eavesdrop."

Gilbert looked straight up in alarm to find dark blue, almost purple, eyes right above his own. He scrambled away from the window, "I... I'm not... I'm not eavesdropping! Yeah, that's it! I'm just sitting here taking a break before I have to go back to my chores."

Roderich narrowed his eyes but he was smiling, "But you were humming my song."

Gilbert could feel his face heating up, "Yeah, so?!"

Roderich laughed, "So, you were eavesdropping. I don't mind I was just checking on you."

Suddenly serious, red eyes searched purple for some sort of joke, "Checking on me?"

The prince nodded, "Yes. You always leave before I finish playing and the doctor said you were okay a month or so ago but I still wanted to come over and make sure. Sometimes Mother doesn't tell me things so I won't get upset."

Realization lit up the burning red eyes, "Oh! You mean 'cause I was sick earlier? Yeah, I'm fine!"

Roderich nodded looking happier, "That's good. What are you making?"

Gilbert looked down at his semi-crushed crown, "It's a flower crown."

He looked confused, "A crown? Like my dad wears at big events?"

Suddenly, the idea of making a flower crown seemed insignificant and foolish. Gilbert looked away, "Yeah, something like that."

Roderich sounded extremely happy when he responded, "I think your crown might be prettier though. It changes as the days change. It's creative... What's your name?"

"Gilbert."

"I'm Roderich. It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet... me?"

Roderich laughed, "No, silly; you're supposed to say 'nice to meet you, too'."

Gilbert shook his head, "That's not what I... Of course, I know that! Don't act like I'm stupid!"

Purple eyes widened in shock and he backed up from the window, "I wasn't trying to upset you. Should I just go back to playing the piano?"

Gilbert sighed, "I didn't mean to yell and yes you probably should go back to playing. I have to go finish my chores."

Roderich nodded, looking almost sad and walked back towards his piano, "Well, I suppose I should say goodbye."

Gil got up from his place on the ground and discarded his crown in the flower bed, "Bye."

Maybe it was because he had a weird day but his hands itched for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

The next day he returned to his spot under the window half expecting for someone to tell him that he had imagined the entire meeting with the prince the day before. But when he settled into a sitting position on the ground, the music immediately stopped and he heard feet scramble towards the window, "Gilbert!"

He sighed, looking up at the smiling boy above him, "Yes?"

Rod looked embarrassed for a moment before he smiled and look beyond happy, "You came back!"

Gilbert shifted his body so he wouldn't have to look straight up, "And? I come here every day."

Purple eyes shifted to the side, unwilling to look into the red ones below him, "I thought maybe that I made you mad enough that you'd stop coming."

White eyebrows furrowed together, "I wasn't mad. I just had to go finish my chores."

Rod perked up again, an enthusiastic glimmer in his eyes, "What kind of chores do you do?"

Gil looked away, "I mostly clean in the servants' wing. But someday I'm going to be the Captain of the Guard! You just wait and see."

Roderich laughed softly, "Okay. I'll wait to see that. Why do you want to be the Captain?"

He hadn't really thought about it, so, when asked, he fumbled for a real answer, "Well... I... That's what my dad does, so..."

"Your father is Captain Beilschmidt?!"

Gilbert looked up in shock, "Ah... not really. Not by blood. He just takes care of me."

Roderich tilted his head to the side in thought, "Oh, yeah, that makes more sense. I thought he was a little old to have a child my age."

"He's old?"

Roderich laughed again, "Of course. His daughter is grown and married. Mom and her talk all the time."

"He has a daughter?"

Suddenly Roderich's face looked serious, "Oh. I'm sorry I didn't realize he hadn't told you that he has a family. I heard his daughter tell mother the other day that he hasn't talked to her in years if that helps. They seem to be fighting over something but I wasn't in the room long enough to know what."

Maybe they had been fighting since before Gilbert had memories. Maybe that's why he didn't tell him about her. Why hadn't he known that his father had an actual family? Suddenly, he felt as if his whole relationship with his dad was in jeopardy.

He tried to ignore it and focus back on the child in front of him. Before he could even get a sound out, Rod interrupted him, "Can you make me a flower crown? I want to show my mother."

Gilbert blinked, "You want a... don't you already have a crown?"

"Yeah but it's gold. I like the flowers better. I thought I told you that yesterday."

Gilbert nodded and looked at the flowers around him; he had never given one away. He was furrowing his eyebrows together, trying to decide which of the flowers to use when Roderich came tumbling out of the window and into the garden with him. He couldn't stop the panic that overwhelmed his system. He was going to be in so much trouble. His dad was going to kill him. Oh lord, what if he hurt himself hopping out the window? How was he even supposed to explain himself? Then Roderich's head popped up and he started pulling at flowers, "These are my favorite so you gotta use a lot of them. You still have chores right? We have to hurry!"

Gilbert barely got a hold on the flowers he was being handed before the words set in. If he could make this crown quickly, then, Rod would go back to his piano and he wouldn't have to explain anything. Roderich gripped his pants watching Gilbert's hands twist the stems together, "Those flowers are called Edelweiss. They're the symbol of my family. The blue ones you had yesterday are cornflowers. Those are really pretty too but my favorite is the Edelweiss.

Gilbert nodded; unable to talk and twist the stems fast enough to get out of the garden before his dad came looking. He was in the middle of twisting the fifth flower on the crown when he suddenly felt sleepy. One more and he could barely keep his eyes open. A seventh and everything was black. He thought he heard Roderich call out his name before everything went fuzzy.

* * *

When he woke up, he was in a bed again, only this time it wasn't his own. There was no way his bed had ever been that comfortable. He looked up, prepared to see stern blue eyes but instead he was met with the concern purple eyes of a woman. She brightened up a bit as his gaze met hers, "Are you okay? The doctor is fairly confident we know what is wrong with you."

Gilbert sat up slowly only just noticing that he was wearing much nicer bed clothes than normal, "I feel kinda... I don't know... maybe, foggy?"

She nodded, "You mean dazed. My son seems to think that the flowers in the garden are making you sick."

He yawned, still somewhat asleep, "The flowers?"

She nodded, "The Edelweiss."

Suddenly, it made sense to him. He must've looked like he had an intense realization because she leaned forward, calculating look on her face, "Do you think it's the flower, too? Roderich said that you started to get sick after you picked them up and had them near your face. Have you ever gotten sick like this outside of the garden?"

He shook his head. She sighed, "And none of the other flowers have bothered you?"

Another shake of the head. She rubbed at her eyes, "Then I suppose we will have to remove the flowers from the garden."

Alarm crossed his face, "What?! No! I'll just stay out of it. My dad would be really angry if you messed up the garden because of me! I don't wanna get in trouble."

She looked confused, "Your father?"

Embarrassment worked its way into his system as he realized he'd have to explain, again, "The Captain of the Guard."

She looked like she wanted to contradict him but she forced the look away with a smile, "Well, then, I guess I'll just have to explain that I can't have a future guard unable to defend the gardens properly. I value the safety of this kingdom and the safety of my child- children- much more than I value those flowers. That means you have to be able to guard us when you're older. You understand?"

Gilbert nodded only barely understanding what she said, "Children?"

Her smile got so much brighter, "By the time you are old enough to guard this kingdom, Gilbert, there should be a little prince or princess following his or her big brother down the halls. Can I trust you to take care of my children someday?"

He didn't really understand why it made him so happy to hear that. Maybe it was because the queen was giving him a chance to prove himself. Maybe it was the idea of someone who just met him trusting him so openly. Regardless, he could never have guessed how much his life would change from that point on.

* * *

"Wait. But Roderich doesn't have any little siblings."

Gilbert shook his head almost sadly, "She had a miscarriage right when she was starting to show. She was devastated."

Elizaveta swallowed the portion of the sandwich in her mouth, "Oh. That's... I never would've expected that. I mean, she seems so happy all the time."

Gilbert finished twisting the last two stems together of his crown and nodded, "I think... I think might be because she never found out whether or not it was a boy or a girl. I know that doesn't make much sense but I think that's what it is. I know that's why she treats me like she does. She lost a child so she claimed me. But if she had known it was a little princess she would have been devastated until a girl came along that she could claim. Which would be you. She probably thinks of you as her child, too. But your coming here wasn't necessary for her to recover."

She hummed in acknowledgment and set her sandwich in her lap, "You seem to have had a pretty rough childhood."

He sighed and placed the crown on her head, "Yeah, I was trying to glaze over it and focus on the main points but some it had to be included for you to understand the importance of things. You shouldn't be surprised. I might refuse to talk about it, but it's no secret that a lot of people have a problem with me. I know you judge on character but the rest of these dumbasses see red eyes and assume I'm some sort of demon."

He finally picked up his sandwich and started eating. She took another bite of her own, not taking her eyes off his face. He seemed caught in between indifference, anger, and sadness. She knew she looked confused but he wasn't looking back at her, "Roderich didn't. You made it sound like he was happy you were around."

Gilbert nodded, "He was, once. So much has happened since then. I'm not even sure whose fault it was. Maybe mine. I don't really know. Maybe you'll be able to tell me when I get to that part."


	10. Her Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, early chapter. We're getting more backstory going. And then, THEN, we might actually be starting to pick up some romance.  
> TW: Mention of a miscarriage

The queen didn't allow Gilbert to return to his own room or his chores for nearly two weeks. In fact, the majority of the time he wasn't even allowed to leave the room. However, that was fine with him because not only was the bed the most comfortable thing he had ever been in but he didn't have to leave for food. Also, Roderich had taken to visiting him after dinner every day and he was learning really fast what a phenomenal experience it was to have a friend.

"If I brought you more flowers, could you make me another crown?"

Gilbert looked at him trying to convey a look that said, 'Really?'

Roderich waved his hands in front of his face, "Not an edelweiss one! Maybe a rose crown. I like roses too."

Gilbert shook his head, "Rose stems break if you try to twist them. And they have thorns. You'd cut your head."

Roderich sighed, "Oh."

Gilbert laughed, "Tell you what. If you teach me something interesting I can teach you how to make the crown and then you can really show your mom!"

Roderich's face lit up with excitement, "I'll teach you how to play the piano! You like to hear me play right?"

And so it was settled. Even after Gilbert was allowed to return to his normal life he was still going to have Rod by his side. It wasn't some weird week and it wasn't a temporary thing. They were friends and it was going to be impossible to separate them.

* * *

And impossible it was. Gilbert hadn't expected Roderich to actually be by his side permanently but he was. As if some magical voice had given him the freedom to do so, when Gilbert returned to the barracks and his own bed Rod came with him. He even pulled a vacant bed next to Gil's and brought a book to read to them both. The little prince didn't know it then but before he even started teaching Gilbert how to play the piano, he had spent his nights quietly teaching Gilbert how to read.

His father had tried several times but Gilbert wasn't interested in something as mundane as an education in literature and handwriting. Yet, when Roderich read the fairy-tales out loud he couldn't help but follow the words and eventually pick up on the patterns. It wasn't long before he could finish the page before Rod did and was bouncing in anticipation for the next one.

The queen wouldn't let Roderich stay the night with him sometimes and at first, Gilbert was anxious on those days waiting for him to come back and read him more. A few months in, Gilbert was prepared and knew what was going to happen before Rod came back with the book. Still, he never felt the need to ruin the fun and tell the boy that he had already read the book after dinner one night.

* * *

It had been a month into their friendship that Roderich actually started teaching him how to play the piano. He had said he would've started sooner had "Captain Beilschmidt" agreed to it earlier. When they started, Gil had been convinced he was going to pick it up as fast as he did reading. However, at the end of their first month of lessons, he still had trouble playing a simple scale. He just didn't understand where his fingers were supposed to be or how they were supposed to hit the keys.

Rod said that most people took a long time to understand how to play an instrument but that didn't make him feel any better when he hit a wrong note. Furthermore, Roderich picked up how to make a flower crown just by watching Gilbert do it twice and he no longer had anything to give to make up for the piano lessons.

It was around that time that the queen lost her baby and she began supervising all of their interactions together. At first, it had been stressful. Gil was always convinced that he was going to say or do something wrong and she wouldn't allow them to be friends anymore. He settled down when she started bringing her painting supplies and focused her eyes on the easel instead of him.

* * *

It became rare that Gilbert and Roderich were seen apart from each other and by the time Gilbert turned twelve, he felt almost as if they had always been friends. It was hard to remember a time that he was alone. He and Roderich were lying in the grass of the garden just watching the clouds talking about the future when everything started to fall apart.

"I have to start actual guard training soon."

He didn't look but he knew Rod nodded, "I have to start going to the social events my father has."

"It's kinda funny. We're both preparing to take our fathers' places but they have such different jobs."

Roderich snorted, "Yeah. I'm training to take over a country and you're training to protect me and my future family."

Something about the way he said it hurt but Gilbert he brushed it off, "Yeah, we're going to be pretty busy soon. But that's fine you can still come spend the night and read a fairytale or something."

"Aren't you a little old for bedtime stories?"

"Maybe but you can still come spend the night."

"Yeah, I guess I can."

"Maybe I'll read the fairytale to you for a change."

Roderich laughed, "Yeah! I'll come over for sure then. It's been a while since anyone has read to me."

Gilbert grinned, "Well, you should've asked sooner. I would've totally read you one before now."

"Whatever. Hey, Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you'll ever get married one day?"

He sat up, surprised by the question, "I never really planned on it. Why?"

Roderich sighed, "I just... I realized the other day that I'll have to get married someday. It'll be required of me. I hoped... I guess I just thought that maybe if you got married also then I wouldn't be so worried about it."

He knew his eyebrows were knitted together, "Why would that help?"

Roderich shifted his gaze to Gilbert's confused eyes, "Because I'll have someone in a similar situation. If I got confused I could talk to you about it and you'd respond with a more insightful perspective. The same goes for the other way around. I just don't want to make my future wife unhappy because I don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing."

Gilbert didn't understand why the atmosphere had become so serious, "Why... why don't you just do what you do to make friends? Surely, that'll work out."

The concerned purple eyes changed and looked almost annoyed at the suggestion, "But she wouldn't be my friend Gilbert. She'd be my wife."

Red eyes glared back, "You're supposed to be friends with your wife too, Rod. Just because she's supposed to like you more than that doesn't mean you shouldn't start there."

Roderich got up and brushed his clothes off, "Yeah. Well, never mind. I'm going to go see my mom."

Gilbert almost got up and followed. Almost.

* * *

Elizaveta bit her lip, a realization washing over her, "He did."

"Huh?"

She looked back at Gilbert who had just shoved the last bite of his food in his mouth, "He did what you told him to. He followed your advice. Remember? The first night I told him I wanted to be friends. He took me to the piano and played a song for me."

Gilbert looked confused, "How in the hell is that doing what I told him to?"  
  
She shook her head, "He became friends with you because you were listening to him play."

He crossed his arms, "Yeah but that's just me."

She sighed, "Yeah, but, when you gave that advice... I think you might've been the only one he had."

Gilbert flopped on his back, "I... maybe... I never really thought about it like that. It only took him a few years to be surrounded by friends after that conversation. There's no reason for him to have based his friendship with you on a friendship with me that has long since faded away. All his friends now are in the noble class so it would make much more sense for him to do whatever he did with them."

"Except..."

"Except what?"

"I think I... I might remind him of you."

"How so?"

She shrugged, "I just... I'm not like the majority of the people in the noble class. You've noticed it too; you point it out all the time. I wouldn't know because I still don't know how you two fell apart but maybe he's afraid of repeating a mistake and losing something important to him again. I don't know what he stands to lose this time but that makes sense to me at this point."

Gilbert huffed in irritation, "I don't know if that's really it. But if he was afraid of losing anything it would probably be you according to that logic."

There was the guilt again flaring up in her chest only this time she felt she could place why slightly better. She didn't want to be there and therefore he never truly had her to begin with. Maybe as a friend, yes, but she wasn't sure she would ever reach a day when she smiled at the idea of being his wife.

"I'm not sure he has control over that."

Gilbert shot up into a sitting position looking half-terrified, "What? What does that even mean? Do you plan on going somewhere?"

She lay on her back taking his previous position, "Not really, no. It's a little more complicated than that."

She saw him open his mouth to speak but he was cut off by Alfred and Matthias running straight into his chest, "Gilbert! Will you show us the guards' stuff?! We really want to see what you're doing all the time!"

Gilbert glanced at Elizaveta, "I could show you tomorrow right before or after that dance thing. Unfortunately for you, though, I haven't _done_ most of the things I'd show you since I started watching the princess, here."

"You two really do spend a lot of time together don't you?"

It had been Francine speaking, carrying a sleeping Madeleine into the opening. Eliza nodded, "He  _is_  my guard. It isn't like it's optional time."

She smiled, softly but somewhat mischievous, "This is optional time."

Eliza had no response to that so she stayed quiet. Francine nodded towards the entrance of the maze, "We should probably head back and continue on your dress."

She sighed and got to her feet to follow the mother out of the maze. She heard Gilbert get his feet behind her and resisted the urge to stop and wait for him. Francine stomped that urge when she called over her shoulder, "I need the princess alone, Gilbert. Go find Heidi; I'm sure she can keep you entertained."

Suddenly, Alfred was with his mother again and Gilbert and Matthias were no longer following. She wanted to tell him that he couldn't leave her alone. That he was required to follow her. But Francine's tone kept her mouth sealed and her feet moving. Whatever she had to say was important.

* * *

When they got back to the room, Francine wasted no time in pulling her out of her clothing and pinning the new dress's material around her. Both of the children had fallen asleep in her bed almost as soon as they came inside. She was silent but she looked almost angry as the fabric fell into place. She said nothing as she grabbed more material and began a new portion of the dress. But when her eyes locked on Elizaveta's, her voice was in a whisper, "You're swimming in dangerous waters, honey."

Angry wasn't right. Frustrated, maybe. Or some mix of exasperated and concerned. But not angry.

Eliza bit her lip, "I...I don't know what you mean."

She pinned another piece forcefully to the others, "You're going to break someone's heart and regardless of who it is...they're going to blame the one you pick. You're playing a dangerous game with his heart and with your own. Surely, you must realize this isn't going to work out."

She felt like she should be able to pinpoint what exactly Francine was talking about but none of it seemed to make sense to her. She sighed, "I'm really not sure what you're saying."

Francine glared at her, "You love him do you not?"

Eliza shook her head, "Roderich? No. I'm not sure I ever will."

"Not Roderich. Gilbert."

Elizaveta froze, "What? Why would I..."

_That's not the right question. That one is easy to answer._

She tried again, "What made you think..."

_No, that one is easy to answer too._

One more time. "Since when?"

_That was not what I meant to ask. Hell, that didn't even make sense to ask._

Francine put the fabric down and pulled her to her vanity chair. Francine cupped her face in her hands and smiled softly, "That question is a good one but you should be asking yourself not me. You have to be careful not just for your sake but for his. This could end badly, I'm sure you know that; but, I want you to promise me something."

Shaky green eyes met blue, "What?"

Francine kissed her forehead, "Don't give up just because you are scared. I can see myself in the way you look at him. Don't make the mistakes I did. Don't leave him behind. If you want him, keep him. Regardless of the risks, keep him. Don't break his heart. He's strong enough to handle it but that doesn't mean I want to watch him try."

Eliza shook her head, "But I don't even know if I want that. I'm not even sure you're right about this. How could I be falling for Gilbert? It's impossible. There's just no way. When would that have even happened? I don't understand."

Francine pulled her face into her chest, stroking her hair, "It's confusing. I know. Your heart always is. You'll probably never understand why it clings to what it does. And you'll spend forever trying to debate whether or not what you are feeling is right or wrong. Just know that you'll be happiest when _you_ are where your heart wants to be. You know where that is, don't you?"

_Do I?_

Francine unpinned the fabric from around her and allowed her to redress herself before quietly leaving the room as if nothing had happened. She climbed into her bed and put a pillow over her head. Why did anyone have to say anything?  Francine had to be wrong. She had to be... because...what was Elizaveta going to do if she wasn't?

The queen sent a servant to her room to retrieve her for dinner but she feigned illness and didn't go. Heidi and the children would be fine without her. She wasn't needed and to be honest, she wasn't sure she was capable of looking at Roderich just then. It was already dark outside when another knock came at the door, "Lizzy?"

She sat upright as fast as she could but she couldn't quite find her voice, "Yes?"

He sighed, "Are you okay?"

She wasn't sure what to say and she wasn't sure what she was doing. But she was sure that her instinct had pulled her to the door, where she opened it just enough to be able to see him. Maybe he'd be able to read an answer from her face. Maybe he'd see how confused she was. He locked eyes with her and reached for her face. She thought she saw something in his eyes then, but Yao's voice echoing down the hall caused it to disappear and be replaced by something else. She hadn't caught what the other man had said, but Gilbert pulled the door closed again preventing her view of any interaction. She sighed and returned to her bed, unable to care about what was going on outside her door. Then there was a knock again. She groaned, "What?"

"Can I come in?"

That was still Gilbert talking. She sat up again but didn't bother getting out of the bed, "I'm fairly certain that's against the rules but... yeah. If you have to?"

The door cracked open and he peeked around the edge at her, "What do you mean: if I have to?"

She shrugged in the dim light of her room, "Well you wouldn't have asked if you didn't have something to say. I'm just not sure whether or not it has to be said now or if it could wait until morning."

He sighed and slid into her room leaving the door cracked open behind him. He crossed his arms and began to scan the room with his eyes, looking everywhere but at her, "You know... we've got to stop being so friendly if you want them to stop being suspicious."

She looked out of the window, "I know. Or you know, they can get over it and allow us to be friends instead of being nosy and obnoxious."

He scoffed, "Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Besides...it's... it's not really... they keep seeing something entirely different from friendship. It's really not good for you or your reputation to be associated with those kinds of things."

Maybe it was because it felt like he was scattering the pieces to a puzzle she was desperately trying to put together. Maybe it was because she didn't even want to think about any added stresses to her already stressful situation. Maybe it was because at that moment she knew that Francine had been right. Regardless, Elizaveta felt anger boiling inside her, "Then why the hell are you in my room Gilbert? If you are so concerned with my reputation, why would you ever come inside this room?"

He seemed confused for a second before he was noticeably angry too, "I'm trying to help dammit! This isn't something that can't be talked about in open hallways or public places! This has to be clarified now and that means I've got to be here! Can't you damn well decide whether or not you want me around or not?! One day! One day and you've switched moods twice! What is it, Lizzy? Are we talking or should I just leave? Because I'm not dealing with this back and forth shit. We're either friends or we aren't! Make up your mind!"

It had only been an angry whisper but it felt like he was screaming at her. She wanted to scream at him but instead, she found her chest too tight and her throat too dry, "It's... it's not that simple."

He threw his hands up in exasperation, "What do you mean it's not that simple? I just want to know if we're still friends or not. It's a yes or no answer."

She looked at the garden below her window and caught sight of Roderich walking through the gardens with Heidi at his side, "I don't think anyone or anything can stop friendship, Gilbert. Not a social class. Not an argument. Not gossip. I told you already that if I didn't want you around then I'd request another guard. So, stop thinking that every time I'm upset we suddenly aren't friends anymore."

Heidi seemed to be yelling at Roderich then and Eliza couldn't help but smile at the baffled look on her husband's face.

"You've gotten pretty close with him, haven't you?"

She glanced back at Gil who was also looking out the window, "What makes you say that?"

He shrugged, "It's just that sometimes you seem happy to see him. Given, it's not all the time but it seems to be when he's talking to you instead of playing the piano. He shows up and you smile and then you're gone and I'm back to my normal job like it should be. It just seems a little weird to me how fast that all happened. I'm just not sure I can wrap my head around it."

She opened her mouth to protest but he interrupted her by grabbing the door handle again, "Well, anyway, I'm in the hallway tonight if you need anything. I've got to be awake for that dance thing tomorrow so you won't have a guard in the early morning. Though... I doubt Feliciano will wake you up early in the morning with you saying you were sick earlier."

And then he walked back into the hallway and ended the conversation.

* * *

The moon was out of her view, high in the sky when she heard Roderich in the hallway, "Aren't you supposed to be asleep by now."

There was a muffled yawn, "No. I have the morning off because of that stupid dance thing. She won't need a guard to go to breakfast anyway."

Roderich scoffed, "She doesn't need you as her guard at all."

Gilbert sounded too tired to argue, "That's probably true but I'm who she's stuck with."

"You... you should really go to sleep."

"Concerned about me?"

"Of course not!"

"Then you do what you're supposed to do and leave me be."

"I wouldn't have said anything if you weren't being so uncharacteristically compliant."

"Rod, go to bed."

"Gilbert..."

"I thought it was Beilschmidt."

"You know what?! Fine! I'll go to bed dammit! I just don't understand why you have to be so insufferable!"

Then a door slammed and it was quiet again. Suddenly, she wished Gilbert had finished his story in the gardens but she could do nothing as her eyes slowly closed and she found herself in the dark abyss of sleep.

* * *

True to expectation, Feliciano did not wake Elizaveta up until midday. He had climbed into her bed with her to nudge her awake, eager to start the day and get her going. She was much groggier than she expected to be but she still pushed herself to her feet and shuffled her way to her vanity, where breakfast was waiting. Feliciano scurried over to her looking up at her with excited eyes, "Are you feeling better today, Princess?"

She nodded, "Yes. Though I'm still pretty sleepy. How are you Feli? It feels like it's been a while since I've actually talked to you."

He nodded, chin hitting her leg, "That's because you've been feeling bad for the past week or so. You didn't say anything but I could tell! I'm okay though! I promise. I got to play with Ms. Francine's kids yesterday! It was really fun!... But Alfred is a little rougher than I'm used to."

She laughed and patted his hair, "In my experience, most boys are fairly rough."

Feli pouted and twisted the toe of his shoe into the ground, "But it hurts to be rough. Shouldn't everybody be gentle?"

Eliza didn't respond. Eventually, he began speaking again, almost as if nothing had happened, "Did you know that Prince Roderich had a conversation with one of your guests last night? One of the guards said they intervened because they worried for his safety but he waved them away. They said it sounded like an important conversation."

Eliza nodded, having witnessed them talking, "It's always good to hear stories and opinions that are different from your own."

Feliciano smiled, "I think so too!"

She began getting ready for the day. Unfortunately, there wasn't much she could do outside of her room, seeing as she was waiting for Francine to arrive with her ball gown. Instead, she found herself sitting on the floor, brushing Feliciano's hair as he sung various children's songs and sometimes talked about his life.

"You know, Mr. Gilbert is the reason I get to stay here."

"Is that so?"

She paused her brushing for just a second. He nodded.

"Just a few years ago, someone dropped me at the castle. I don't remember it very well but I remember them trying to take me in and train me as a stable boy so I could eventually become a guard. But I'm too little for that and I kept messing it up. I was too young to pick up any of the jobs normally given to servant boys and I always mess up simple cleaning stuff. But I remember Mr. Gilbert convincing them to let me stay as a maid. I get picked on for it but I love it here and I don't mind being a maid. As long as I have someone who wants me, I get to stay and that's important to me."

Elizaveta smiled and continued brushing his hair, "Why do you want to stay so badly?"

He shrugged, "When I was really little, my big brother disappeared. I don't want to disappear so I want to stay."

"Your big brother?"

He nodded again, "I was really scared. His name is Lovino. If you ever meet him, will you tell me about it?"

She felt like he was leaving something out but she ignored it and went on with her brushing, "Yes, of course, I'll tell you."

Abruptly, there was a quick knock on the door. Feliciano moved to open it but it flew open before he got there.

"Okay honey! I finally finished it! I think it's perfect for you!"

Francine was holding a fluffy, burgundy red ball gown in front of her. There were no extreme jewels or embezzlements, just a simple soft red fabric that looked like it was made to float and glide across the floor. To be honest, she liked that dress so much more than she had ever liked any dress that had ever been made for her. Francine rushed to her, pushing the dress into her hands

Francine hugged her and put her mouth close to Eliza's ear, "I thought you would like matching Gilbert. It was originally going to be purple but I think red suits you better."

Elizaveta gasped, still not quite sure she wanted to believe or address that she had any feeling for her obnoxious guard.

Regardless she accepted the soft fabric into her hands and nodded at the eccentric woman in front of her. Francine smiled, picked up Feliciano, and headed towards the door. But, there was something Eliza wanted to know, something that she felt would explain the other woman's attitude, "Francine? Have you ever been in love?"

The woman looked over her shoulder, sorrow in her eyes, "Once child. Once... but I will be always and forever. This isn't as simple as running away or ignoring it Princess. These feelings they never change and... You may be able to outrun him. You may even be able to outrun everything associated with him. But you can never outrun your own heart. That's why... that's why I don't want you to give up. I know because I've been there."

Then she left, not giving Eliza the opportunity to ask another question.

* * *

Just a few hours later, the ball was beginning and Elizaveta was waiting inside the giant room waiting for Heidi and the children to arrive. A few noble families had already trickled in and were conversing quietly among themselves. Roderich was by her side shifting awkwardly, but discreetly, from foot to foot, "They were given quick etiquette lessons from my mother this morning. If they follow her instructions the people here will only believe they are from another country which is not unusual. Any minor slip-ups will be covered by the regular guests being unaware of cultural customs in the country they came from. I doubt they will say anything about being commoners but that is the only way anyone will find out that doesn't already know."

Eliza glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes, "You look nervous."

Suddenly, he stopped shifting and forced himself to look more composed, "This has never happened before."

She smiled, "A commoner coming to the ball? No, I would suppose not."

His eyebrows furrowed, "No not that... that hasn't ever happened either but I... that's not what I meant."

Eyebrows raised Eliza turned to actually face her husband, "What did you mean?"

Roderich locked eyes with her and then purposefully looked away, "She yelled at me."

Eliza laughed and looked back at the door, "Yes, I saw that. You looked confused."

He straightened the front of his outfit, "She said that I was rude and stuck up and shouldn't be in charge of a country I know nothing about."

Eliza shrugged, "That sounds like a reasonable claim."

She glanced at him again, guilt flaring up at the hurt look on his face. He looked at the floor, "I don't mean to be and I try to know as much as I can. It's just not as simple as everyone seems to think it is."

"Everyone?"

He nodded, "You all keep pushing me to be more involved with the common people. I... I want to do that but... I've wanted to do that for years but..."

He didn't finish his sentence before Heidi walked into the room looking like she belonged in the noble class more than many of the actual nobles there. Alfred and Madeleine followed behind her, holding hands and smiling, and Matthias walked in behind both of them. They were all matching, wearing pastel greens and vibrant whites. To be honest, Eliza thought they looked like a personified version of spring. Roderich nudged her hand with his and walked forward to greet them. She couldn't keep the smile off her face as she followed behind him.

Heidi smirked and looked like she was going to cross her arms for a moment but she clasped her hands in front of her instead, "I look like I belong here don't I?"

"Yes."

The answer hadn't come from Eliza. Instead, Roderich found himself covering his mouth with his hand and looking flustered, "I didn't mean for that to sound so odd."

Heidi laughed and nodded, "I think just about everything that ever will come out of your mouth will sound weird to me. That was no weirder than you speaking about living in a castle like it's normal."

He shook his head, "I didn't mean for that to come across the way it did. I wasn't assuming everyone has the luxuries at hand that I do, I only... "

"Don't know any other world than your own? Yeah, I get it."

He pressed his lips together and nodded. She looked back at the children, "Well, are you guys going to dance and go meet people or are you going to stand behind me all day?"

All three of them smiled before quickly walking further into the room and towards the other families. The Queen must've told them not to run, then. Heidi gently touched her arm and smiled, "I need to steal your husband for a moment if that's okay?"

Eliza nodded, having expected to lose sight of him at some point in the night anyway, "That's fine."

Heidi grinned and raised an eyebrow at Roderich, "I believe the proper way to continue a conversation is to dance, correct? And I believe it is your job to ask me not the other way around."

His eyes widened and he glanced at Elizaveta before quietly making the invitation. She knew what he was thinking because she was thinking it too. He hadn't danced with Eliza at their wedding so how would dancing with Heidi look now? He had never danced with his wife and yet he was there, ready to dance with someone else entirely. They might assume that the two royals were fighting. Or maybe they wouldn't notice. Regardless, it would be grounds for gossip if they did.

The two made their way to the middle of the room dancing slowly to the soft beat of the small orchestra in the back of the room. Eliza stood at the door trying not to watch them. Instead, she focused her eyes on the people coming through the door, greeting them with as much excitement as she could. At some point in her never-ending quest to welcome everyone, Gilbert had appeared beside her wearing armor that was definitely more for show than protection. The red fabric draped over his chest plate made him look almost regal and she couldn't help but remember that he matched her dress.

"So when are you going to stop being the greeter and start being a Princess?"

She didn't take her eyes off the door, "I am being a Princess. They have to know that I notice them and that I appreciate that they are here."

"Rod has never done this."

"Well, he isn't a Princess."

He chuckled, "Sometimes I beg to differ."

"Would you- Oh! Welcome to the castle! I'm so glad you're here! Would you mind telling me your name?"

The woman in front of her looked shocked, pale even, and it took Elizaveta a moment to notice that she was looking past her instead of at her. Less than three seconds later she forced her bright blue eyes to Eliza's face and frowned, "I see no reason why you shouldn't already know it. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go meet the rest of my family."

She woman curtsied, almost passive-aggressively, and briskly walked away. Eliza glanced over her shoulder at her guard, "Do you have some sort of feud going on with her, Gilbert?"

He shook his head, "Not that I know of. Though that look she gave me seemed almost terrified. Like she expected me to do something terrible to her. Maybe she has just never seen me around before. That's a fairly normal reaction to someone seeing me for the first time."

Elizaveta nodded, "Well, I don't agree with her methods but I suppose it's too late now."

He smirked, "Are you ever going to leave this door or what? People will come in and out all night. You'll never get to enjoy any of this if you stand here all night."

She rolled her eyes, "And what else do you suggest I do? Last I checked my husband was dancing with Heidi and I don't know any of the nobles well enough to start a conversation. The kids are dancing with each other and mingling and I can't very well pick a family and start talking. That would cause jealousy and competition in the noble class. It isn't proper for me to stand near the snacks and just eat all night. AND I left my own wedding; so, I'm fairly certain it would be looked down upon to leave again. This is the only way I can get away with not causing any drama."

He looked out at the dance floor, where Roderich and Heidi were sharing a fourth dance of the night, obviously so engrossed in conversation that they couldn't be bothered with the confused whispers of the people around them.

"Why don't you dance?"

"By myself? No thank you."

"Not by yourself."

"It's improper for me to ask anyone to dance. It's the custom that a man always extends the invitation. Not that I agree with that custom; it's just that I don't want them to think I don't have any regard for the rules. When I know them better, maybe I'll defy it and ask someone to dance but right now, I'm at the mercy of anybody brave enough to ask."

"Why don't you dance with me?"

She turned toward so fast she could feel her dress continue to turn after she stopped, "What?"

He shrugged, smiled, and looked back at Roderich, "He's dancing with someone else. So, why don't you dance with me? I may be technically a commoner, but at the moment, as far as any of these people know, everyone in here is a noble. Besides, they can see my armor. They know I'm not just common riffraff. If they know their country well enough, they probably even know I'm in charge of their safety. It wouldn't cause many problems; so, why not?"

She felt her heart skip a beat when his eyes drifted back to her and she tried to cover up how flustered she was by teasing him, "Can you even dance?"

He raised an eyebrow smirking, "Yes, actually. You'd be surprised what is required for the guards who attend these things. Lots of the younger girls like the idea of having a guard as a boyfriend. Their parents wouldn't allow it and it's really only a temporary thought until they find a suitable husband with a higher income. The commoners may be afraid of me. But to these 15 and 16-year-old girls, I'm just something exotic that they can giggle about when they think I'm not paying attention. Lots of fathers ask me to ask their daughters to dance so that they'll stop thinking about it. Usually, works. I'm a bit too brash and loud-mouthed for these delicate little flowers anyway. And so, I know how to dance. Why? Do you need lessons?"

She laughed at his attempt at teasing her and shook her head, "No I just didn't want my feet stepped on."

"With such low confidence in me, I might have to step on them anyway."

She put her hand on her chest in mock offense, "You wouldn't dare injure the Princess, and future Queen of your country, would you? That's conduct worthy of a demotion, Gilbert!"

He grinned and began hovering one of his feet above hers, "Try me."

"Excuse me. Did you say his name is Gilbert?"

Elizaveta jumped at the voice coming from below her. A blonde boy with big blue eyes, better dressed than the majority of the people in the room, was looking up at her with hope etched into his features. Gilbert answered before she could even process what he had said, "Yeah. That's me. Why? Do you need something?"

The little boy opened his mouth to say something when the woman that had been so rude just minutes before came rushing over, "Ludwig! What did I tell you about staying close to me?!"

He looked back at her, "But Mommy, she said his name was..."

His mother grabbed his hand and pulled him away, "That's not important, honey. Now come on. Your father is waiting for us."

Then she hurriedly pulled him away, leaving Elizaveta and Gilbert alone again.

"Well, that was weird."

She nodded but shrugged it off, "He probably just knew you were Captain of the Guard and wanted to talk to you or something. Anyway, how about we get to dancing before anyone else walks through this door."

His face lit up, looking proud that he had accomplished getting her away from the door, "Yeah, let's do that."


	11. His Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood, an arrow wound, there was almost some improper and dangerous arrow removal in there too (almost), and Gil is an idiot and obviously wasn't told about how to deal with injuries, also this beginning portion is probably the cheesiest thing I've ever written in my life. Enjoy!

To say that Elizaveta was surprised would be an understatement. When Gilbert had said that he wanted to dance and was capable of doing so, she had assumed that he could only do the basics. She had thought that it would be a clumsily led dance much like the ones Roderich had shared with Heidi. She thought that it was going to be obvious that there was no way that he was of noble status. Instead, she found herself gliding with ease as if he had danced his entire life. He moved effortlessly, knowing where to put his feet almost as well as Eliza did.

She had danced like this before, with nobles from her own country, but it was so much different this time. Something about the way his hand was pressed against the small of her back, or the way his other hand held hers, or the way he was smiling... something made it feel like she was floating. She wasn't in a marble ballroom surrounded by nobles and an orchestra. No, she felt like she was in the clouds unable to see anything but the endless sky. Finally, finally, she was flying.

There was no cage surrounding her and her wings had never been clipped. Instead, she was gliding on open wings, as free as she ever hoped to be. For a moment, she couldn't even remember what it felt like to be trapped. He grinned at her, "You look like you're in shock. Did you not believe me when I said I could dance?"

She blinked and tried to wrap her mouth around the feeling she had right then. She wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him that he had the key to the only thing she had ever reached for. She wanted to tell him how blissfully happy she was. She wanted to pull him close and never let go for fear of losing the freedom she had wanted for so long. Instead, she found herself unable to put the feeling into words and she could only shake her head. He looked confused then, and maybe a little concerned, "You okay? You're being really quiet."

She nodded and tried to look away from his face, suddenly aware that if he saw what she was feeling then he would understand how she felt. He would know how she felt right then, about life, about freedom, about love...about him. Anxiety slowly crept into her system, sending off warnings, telling her that she couldn't say anything. He couldn't know... because if he knew, there was a possibility she would never get the opportunity to float like that again. She felt the need to look away, afraid she'd give away her racing heart and be thrust back into her golden cage once again.

Her eyes, however, were not listening to her. They were stuck, swimming in the fire of his concerned gaze. She saw, not from looking directly, but from the change in the shape of his eyes, that his eyebrows had woven themselves together, etching worry into his face, "Lizzy?"

She took a deep breath and tried to speak again, this time trying to hide the feeling instead of expose it. Her mouth remembered speech much easier then, "I'm fine. I just didn't expect you to be so practiced at this."

The concern melted away from his face and he returned to his normal expression of mischievous pride and amusement, "Well, I told you didn't I?"

She rolled her eyes half-heartedly, still not able to look completely away from him, "You told me you could dance, yes. You did not tell me, however, that you are actually good at dancing."

He blinked, "Well... no one has ever said I was. They were too busy running to their dads after having to deal with my foul mouth. I... didn't know I was good at it."

He looked down awkwardly, probably attempting to look at his feet and how they were moving. She smiled, "I should've known that you didn't. You usually brag about the things you are skilled at."

He looked somewhat flustered, "Yeah... am I really good at this?"

She laughed, "I'd say so. You are leading a princess who has been doing this her whole life with little to no trouble."

He smiled, "I never took lessons for this. I suppose it should've been dancing that Rod tried to teach me. I would've picked it up faster."

She didn't know what to say; so, she just lost herself in the steps once again. He was quiet too until the song ended and he took a step back, "Well I suppose we should stop for a while. We'll have even more rumors flying if we don't."

She nodded and curtsied, "Of course."

When she looked back at him, his face was flushed and he was looking away, "Though I don't see why we couldn't come back to this later. Rod and Heidi have been dancing all night."

She laughed and nodded towards the snack table, "Yeah. If they keep going, I don't think anyone will even notice us."

* * *

 

Three hours later and everyone was filtering out of the room, ready to retire to their beds for the night. Heidi and Roderich were still animatedly talking about something that Elizaveta couldn't quite grasp onto, the children had long since fallen asleep and been taken to bed by Francine, and Gilbert was standing directly next to Eliza looking more awake than anyone else in the room. Eliza had chosen not to return to the door for goodbyes. Instead, she was standing near the center of the room only giving her time to the few noble families brave enough to approach her themselves.

Gilbert yawned behind her, "I don't know about you but I'm going to be tired tomorrow."

She raised an eyebrow, "Really? What makes you say that?"

He shrugged, "I'm just awake later than usual today and I have to be up early tomorrow to get back on the regular schedule."

She sighed, "Yeah, I didn't think about that."

The woman who had whisked her child away from Elizaveta and Gilbert earlier approached then, arms crossed, "I wanted to wish you a happy night Princess Elizaveta. And I also would like to make it clear that I would prefer if you didn't tell my son you were a Beilschmidt, Gilbert."

Then she briskly walked away, head held high. Gilbert glanced at Elizaveta, "I don't think I said I was a Beilschmidt. And I don't remember telling her my name."

Eliza shrugged, unable to provide an explanation but figuring that his status as Captain probably had given it away somehow.

* * *

 

It was a month later when the daily schedule of lessons had long since been normal again, that everything changed. An entire month had gone by in a dance of Elizaveta acknowledging and ignoring her feelings for Gilbert. Some days it felt like everything was fine and that nothing had changed at all. Her life was normal. She would always be trapped as a Princess.

Other days it felt like if he looked at her for too long her heart would beat out of her chest. Every accidental brush of the hand, every teasing comment, every smile he sent her way caught her off guard and erased any thoughts she had running through her mind. On days like those, it was impossible to look at him and it was even more impossible to look at Roderich. She spent those days talking to the queen and trying not to feel guilty for wanting something she couldn't have.

It was on one of those days, at the end of that month, that Roderich stopped her and Gilbert in the hallway, carrying a stack of what seemed to be letters. He had hurriedly and awkwardly given the stack to Elizaveta, asked her to take them to Heidi, and then disappeared down the opposite end of the hall. It was on that day that Elizaveta ventured outside of the castle again for the first time in what felt like forever.

The seasons were changing from summer to autumn and the air outside was chillier than normal. Elizaveta had dressed for the falling temperature though, sleeves running down her arms. Gilbert had dressed as he always had when he was armorless, the dirty clothing he usually had on underneath the armor. He had placed her on the horse around noon and started walking towards the town as if nothing in the world had changed from his very first day as her guard.

Eliza smiled and rolled her eyes, "Don't you think you should be wearing your armor if we're leaving the castle?"  
  
He shrugged, "To do what? See Heidi? No one has ever attacked here and I never need the armor anyway."

She sighed, "If you say so."

He smiled back at her, causing her heart to do a tiny flip, "You're just disappointed that you can't show me off."

She laughed, "To whom? The townspeople? Your shiny armor isn't going to suddenly impress them, Gil."

He laughed too, the loud one that usually came out when he was making fun of Rod, "Nah, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't try, Miss 'I'm super excited to know the common people in my country'."

"I would still be excited if they hadn't been so rude the first time."

"That's what I'm saying. Maybe if I had worn my armor you could show me off as the shiny awesomeness that I am and they'd believe you and then there would be no bad feelings and you could be excited to know them again. But I didn't wear it and now you're screwed because you have to pick between me and them and we all know that you're going to pick the awesome me."

"Who says?"

"You say."

"What? You can't speak for me."

"I don't have to. You already chose me when you left the first time."

_I'd choose you every time._

"Well, what if I changed my mind?"

He peered over his shoulder eyebrow raised, "You really think you're capable of getting rid of me that easily."

She shrugged, smiling playfully, "It's only another guard request."

He laughed again, "Which you haven't put in yet."

She sighed, "I suppose you're right. It is kinda hard to get rid of you."

He looked back at her amusement on his face only for his playful nature to immediately change into something much fiercer. Suddenly, he was pulling her off her horse, off the beaten path, and into the forest, running almost faster than she could keep up. She opened her mouth to ask what was going on when he started pushing her to the side, almost as if he was trying to avoid something. What exactly he was trying to avoid...came as an answer with the sickening sound of an arrow piercing skin. Eliza jumped as she saw the arrow sticking out of the back of his shoulder but he put a hand over her mouth before she could say anything, "Stay quiet. It hit me by chance. There's no way they can see us through these trees. If you hear rushed footsteps or see someone that isn't me, run further into the woods. These trees let up at a farm eventually, if you have to leave without me go and knock on the door to the house and tell them who you are and what happened."

She nodded, still in shock, as he removed his hand from her mouth and walked slowly back towards the path, arrow still in his shoulder. It only took a few seconds before she realized she was trembling. She closed her eyes as tightly as she could and willed the situation to be different. She was just supposed to deliver that huge stack of letters to Heidi. Why she was delivering the stack she didn't know; but, she wasn't supposed to be attacked and Gil wasn't supposed to be shot. It wasn't supposed to happen so why was it happening?

A loud crack of thunder filled the air, startling Elizaveta even more. She strained to hear anything in the direction of the road, hoping that she could somehow get a sign the Gil was alright. The seconds of silence felt like hours before the thunder boomed again this time beginning a light drizzle of rain. The rain was cold on her skin and provided a distraction as the long torturous seconds ticked by with no sound but the rain and the thunder.

Eventually, slow footsteps hitting the ground made their way to her ears and she peeked towards the road. Gilbert looked exasperated, hair dripping in the rain, "They stole your horse but I still have the letters. It'll probably be safer to go to that farm anyway. It's off the road and I don't want to risk another attack."

She nodded and grabbed onto his sleeve, unwilling to let him away from her again. He looked down at her trembling hand and laced his fingers through hers, leading the way further into the forest. Eventually, they came to an open field and the shelter of the trees opened to the onslaught of the, at this point, pouring rain. The water was cold as it soaked through her clothes and hair. Never relenting and never allowing her to warm up again. She was shaking, but not from the biting chill of the air. She noticed at that point that the arrow in Gilbert's shoulder had broken, leaving only the split wood of the shaft behind. She also noticed right then that the rain was not the only thing soaking his clothes. Instead, the deep red of his blood stained the fabric around the wound.

He sighed and tugged at her hand, "Don't worry about it. It hasn't hit anything major; I can still move my arm after all. Besides, as a guard, I was bound to get shot eventually anyway."

She opened her mouth to apologize but he shook his head cutting her off, "We have to get to that barn. Otherwise, Rod will have to rewrite these letters."

He tugged her hand and again and sped up his pace, choosing to run through the field, tugging Elizaveta behind him. She lost her shoes somewhere along the way, unable to pull them out of the mud with her feet. The mud stained the bottom of her dress and for a moment she imagined she was a little girl again, playing with the boys in town. She allowed herself to be distracted, not wanting to see the man in front of her wounded.

Instead, she imagined that they were both children; that they had met long ago when restrictions hadn't bound them so tightly. She imagined that they played together, that his smile had been even brighter then. She imagined that there were fewer worries, fewer responsibilities, and less outside influences. She was Eli and he was Gil and they could latch on to each other and wrestle and make fun of the world together. The sun was bright, his wounds were closed, and Roderich didn't exist. In some distant world, maybe that's how things were. Maybe there was a world where she was born common and they could've met on simpler terms and nothing could've separated them. Maybe. Hopefully.

Gilbert startled her out of her reverie by pulling her into a dry barn, "Rod may have to rewrite those letters anyway."

Eliza shook her head, unconcerned with her husband's letters, "We need to get you a doctor."

Gil shrugged with his good shoulder, "I don't think he'd do much. Probably pull the arrow out of my shoulder and wrap it in bandages. I don't think he'd be wasting stitches on me and I'd rather not pay him for something I can do myself."

Eliza's voice caught in her throat, "Yourself? You plan on pulling that arrow out, yourself?"

He nodded and started to take his shirt off, "Yeah. And right now if I can help it."

She looked away, "You're acting like it doesn't hurt at all."

He scoffed, "Oh no. It hurts like hell. The rain helps though with it being cold and all. Ah! Dammit, can you come fix this."

She looked back up to see him gesturing to the fabric of his shirt pulling on the splintered end of the arrow. She rushed to his side, to unsnag the frayed clothing. She only realized after her fingers grazed the fevered skin around the wound that she realized that she shouldn't be that close to him. It was also right then that she realized that no one was around to see her. Some of the tension in her body eased at the thought. However, the blood on her fingertips and the fabric of the shirt kept her from fully relaxing. His breath shook as she slowly pulled the cloth away.

After what felt like forever, the threads came loose from the wood and she let out a relieved sigh. He pulled the shirt off and reached back with his good arm to grab onto the arrow. He had barely touched it when he flinched away and glanced back at her, "Actually, you might have to do this. I can't pull it straight back and if I pull at an angle"

She blinked, "What?"  
  
He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Pull the arrow out."

She shook her head unable to even imagine doing something so drastic and possibly dangerous without a doctor present, "I really think you should wait for a doctor. What if...what if there's a different method of removing stuff like this? What if we mess up your arm doing something we had no business doing?"  
  
The firmness in her voice threw her off. Was that really her? How was it she sounded so calm when she was so scared? How did she sound so commanding when she felt like her entire body should be shaking?

 

He groaned, obviously exasperated at the idea of leaving the projectile in his shoulder but he didn't fight her on it. He leaned forward and placed his face in one of his hands.

She crawled around him, wanting to see his face, and reached towards him with shaking hands before clasping them in front of her instead, "I'm sorry. I just..."

He looked up then, suddenly, a fierce burning in his eyes, face only inches from his own. He opened his mouth to say something but it never came out. Instead, his nose grazed hers and his eyes dulled and became distracted. She glanced to the side, unsure of what she was supposed to do, "I really just can't. I'm sorry."

His nose grazed hers again and when he spoke he was quiet, "It's okay. You're okay."

And suddenly, his mouth was on hers.

Her eyes found their way back to his face in shock.

His eyes were closed and his face was content, no trace of the pain she had previously seen remained. It took a moment for her to understand what was happening. She had only been kissed the one time, on her wedding day, and she felt extremely unprepared to respond in any way to Gilbert taking her second kiss away. Despite her fluttering heart and alert nerves, her response was so far delayed that by the time she decided she was going to lean into the kiss he had backed up again, looking somewhat frightened.

She blinked trying to form some sort of question or response or really anything but his panic interrupted her thought process, "I am so sorry. I shouldn't have...I didn't mean... Oh God, what is wrong with me?"

Eliza found herself smiling--albeit shakily--despite the situation, "It's fine. I don't think there's anything wrong with you."

Both of his hands had found their way into his hair, pulling at the strands in obvious distress, "The hell there's not. I just... That's treason and I just... I'm the damn Captain of the Guard; I know better than that!"

Abruptly, she felt a certain boldness coursing through her veins. She leaned forward touching their noses together again, "And I'm the princess but that doesn't seem to change anything now does it?"

He froze the split second before she kissed him, shoulders stiffening at her words. His response was much faster than Elizaveta's. His uninjured arm almost immediately wrapped around her waist and his whole body leaned forward into the kiss. She smiled against his mouth.

He doesn't seem so worried about it being treason anymore. How funny.

When he pulled back he was laughing, "This is so stupid. How is it that the first thing I want that should be impossible falls right into my arms without me trying? I've wanted so many simpler things in my life and couldn't have any of them. But a married princess? Sure, fate. Be that way."

She snorted in amusement, "Funny, isn't it? How the world works? I'm kind of the opposite of you. All I've ever wanted have been things I couldn't have. So, I guess to me... this is normal."  
  
His grin slowly faded into a frown, "We shouldn't have this. We shouldn't be doing this. I mean, you shouldn't be doing this with _me_. This is how you're supposed to be with Rod."

But his arms stayed right where they were, wrapped tightly around her waist. She smiled and shook her head, "I don't know about that. Maybe someday the people would get restless and demand an heir from us. But until then, neither Rod nor I am going to take that step. To be honest, I'm not sure either of us is even interested."

He locked eyes with her and his face started to turn pink, "I...Since when...I'm not quite sure how we ended up here."

She shrugged, "Why does it matter?"

He glanced away almost nervously, "It doesn't I guess. I'm just a little confused about what happened that led us here."  
  
She smiled and kissed his nose, "Don't worry about it. We really need to find you a doctor."

He snorted and pushed his discarded shirt into her hands, "We need to wait out the storm; sick and injured is not a combination I want to achieve. Way to kill the mood, Lizzy."

She laughed and scooted back around him with the shirt. She dabbed at the blood running down his skin and shrugged, "You know, you never finished your story about how you and Roderich fell apart."

He groaned, "You wanna talk about that now?"

She kissed the back of his good shoulder, "We don't have anything else to talk about."

Eliza didn't look but she knew that his face was a dark pink, "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez, can you guys say getting caught up in the moment?


	12. His Underling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: that arrow wound still exists, but it's only mentioned a couple of times.  
> Kinda a break from the seriousness of the last chapter.  
> More backstory.  
> Ludwig!

Gilbert had been thirteen when he found himself without Roderich for the first time in what felt like forever. It had been a week before his thirteenth birthday actually, but he probably shouldn't remember that so vividly. They had started their formal instructions to become a guard and a king, respectively.

It would have been easy to claim that they just stopped talking. Or that they were too busy to keep up a friendship that was so far outside of normal lines. It would've been easy for them to have just lost interest and that have been the end of the story; but, that wasn't what happened and Gilbert wasn't going to pretend it was.

Months went by with very little interaction between the two; but, at the end of spring, they were thrown back together again for a day. Gilbert would have been lying if he had said that he wasn't excited to finally have some time to talk to the only friend he had ever had. But Roderich... he was distant. It was almost as if he was unsure how to talk to Gilbert again. He was awkward and his words had been stilted. Gilbert remembered believing he was only tired and so he carried the conversation for the both of them. Excited words fell off of grinning lips, "You know, next week I'm supposed to learn how to wield a sword! Isn't that cool? I bet you're learning how to make laws and stuff and that's pretty cool too. You should really come spend the night again soon. I found this new fairytale book that I think you'd really like and-"

"I can't."

"Oh, well, then, maybe another time. But you've really gotta check this book out. It's got fairies and deer and elves on the cover. It's really pretty. I don't know the title of it but I'm sure you could ask anybody else and they'd know."

"Okay."

"We should really plan to do something together soon. You know, like we used to."

"Yeah. I've got to go. Bye, Gilbert."

And he left before Gil could return the farewell. Red eyes watched him go in confusion, knowing that he didn't _have_  to do anything that day.

* * *

The next time they had time to spend together, Gilbert had hurt himself with a sword, attempting to learn how to swing it. The bandages were tight around his arm and his sleeve covered them; but that didn't stop Roderich from noticing and jerking away, almost as if he was scared. Gil sighed and pulled up his sleeve to show the boy, "With all the blood it looks worse than it is. Don't worry; the doctor said it would be fine. It'll just leave a scar."

Roderich had shaken his head and run away. Gilbert remembered watching him go and thinking that if he had been more careful his best friend would've stayed and talked for a while. He also remembered crying himself to sleep because he felt like he had done something wrong. He felt like he was going to lose the only thing that had ever truly mattered to him. 

* * *

"But I didn't tell you that Lizzy."

She nodded, her head leaning against the bare skin of his back, "Got it. Gilbert Beilschmidt doesn't cry."

"Truest statement I've ever heard in my life."

She smiled.

* * *

That wasn't really when it was set in stone that they were never going to be friends again. That had come nearly a year later. Gilbert had been a guard in training then and he had been assigned to guard a dance that the royal family was hosting. He had been excited and wanted to prove that he could be just as good as anyone there. His father had been across the room, watching his every move, not really judging but definitely analyzing.

An hour at the dance, though, and Gilbert was beginning to feel restless and upset. Nothing interesting had occurred and despite being in the same room Roderich had barely even glanced at him. Instead, he was surrounded by noble children. Maybe it was because they were nobles that it bothered Gilbert so much. Or maybe it was because he was talking to them so easily when he could barely manage to speak to Gil. Regardless, he was jealous and hurt because he wanted his best friend's attention and he didn't know if he would ever get it again.

It had been the first time that Gilbert felt like he was eight years old again. He was fuming and angry with the world because he was alone and he was never going to be good enough and nothing was ever going to be fair. He was the child he was before Roderich had decided to peek out that window.

That had been when Roderich approached him, noble children following behind him. His purple eyes looked nervous and maybe a little regretful but that didn't stop him from approaching the white-haired child by the wall. Gilbert remembered perking up a little, believing that something was going to go well for the first time in what felt like ages.

"Like you asked, this is Gilbert. The Captain of Guard raised him so he goes by Gilbert Beilschmidt."

One of the boys next to him scoffed, "Too bad someone like him could never live up to that name."

Gilbert's shoulders stiffened and he glanced at Roderich, expecting him to protest. Roderich only looked away, like he knew the boy's comment had been coming. The boy grabbed Gil by the collar, "Didn't you hear me, demon boy? You'll never be as good as Captain Beilschmidt. You should be glad you're even able to share a room with him."

Gilbert glared at the boy, "Let go of me."

The boy's eyes widened, "What?"

Gilbert grinned, "I said-"

But Roderich yelping like a startled puppy caught him off guard. It had taken all of three minutes and Roderich was in danger. When Gil looked back at the boy he wished he could still call his friend, there was a man hoisting him into the air. The man looked much larger than any other man he had ever seen and Gilbert hadn't even seen him approach. His legs froze, unable to do anything or say anything about what seemed to be a kidnapping.

The man started stalking away as if he didn't expect any resistance. For a moment, Gilbert thought that no resistance would be presented. Then, his father stepped in, calm as ever and held a sword to the man's throat, "Put him down."

The man looked exasperated but put Roderich back down anyway, "I just thought I would make his life a little more interesting is all."

The Captain 'tsked' and roughly grabbed his arm, leading him out of the ballroom. Gilbert watched him go, still frozen in space. It was only when he looked back at Roderich that he realized the other boys had run. Roderich was staring at him with teary eyes, "You... You didn't even try to save me! I thought I could trust you, Gil- no wait, that's too informal. I suppose I should start calling you Beilschmidt now. As if you'll ever deserve that name."

And then he ran out of the room, too shaken up to pretend to care about the ball.

After what seemed like forever, Captain Beilschmidt came and retrieved Gilbert who was still frozen in place. He had to pick him up to get him to leave the room but he didn't complain. He didn't complain when Gilbert crawled into his bed sobbing later that night either. He hadn't said anything at all actually. He only sat and held him to his side.

He hadn't told him he was too old to be climbing into bed with his dad. He hadn't told him it wasn't manly for him to cry. He hadn't scolded him about not moving when Roderich had been in danger. He was quiet and calming. His steady breathing and the occasional pat on the back was what Gilbert focused on and that was okay. He had been proud to have him as a father before but at that moment he was more thankful that he had been the one to take him in that at any other point in his life. 

* * *

Eliza sighed and moved her hand up to pat him on the back, "I don't really think that either one of you is at fault."

Gilbert glanced back at her, "Is that so?"

She smiled sadly, "Yeah. I think there was too much pressure on you two is all. And that it messed everything up for the both of you."

Gilbert sighed, "That was...you might be right."

She giggled and kissed the back of his good shoulder again, "You know, just because you guys had a falling out doesn't mean that either of you has to stay alone. I mean surely you could fix..."

He turned his whole body to face her--effectively interrupting her thought process--and put both hands on her face, "I know."

When his mouth touched hers again, it was much gentler than it needed to be. His mouth brushed hers like he thought she was fragile. Like he was afraid that she would've changed her mind in the time period it took him to tell her about Roderich. Nevertheless, he was kissing her and so she closed her eyes and returned the action unafraid of being caught.

"Excuse me?"

They jolted away from each in a rush and Gilbert nearly fell backward onto the arrow still stuck in his shoulder. Eliza looked towards the voice and saw dripping wet blond hair barely inside the barn door. Big blue eyes blinked at her and she recognized the little boy who had interrupted them at the ball a month ago. She gasped when she realized he was still standing mostly in the rain waiting for a response, "Come in. You shouldn't be standing in the rain like that."

He scurried into the barn shutting the big door behind him. His white button-down shirt was soaked and his tiny frame was slightly trembling underneath. His shorts looked like they probably would've fallen down with the weight of the rain if he hadn't had suspenders on. His probably once shiny dress shoes were covered in mud. Yet, just like Gilbert months ago, Eliza saw more in his eyes than she saw anywhere else. There was a sort of bravery and determination floating through them like he had no fears in the world.

Gilbert pushed himself back into a comfortable position and glanced at the child, "So, what do you want, kid?"

The boy blinked and then glanced away almost shyly, "You're Gilbert, right? Gilbert Beilschmidt?"

Gil nodded and grinned, "Yeah. You asked me that before, didn't you?"

The boy nodded, "Yes. My name is Ludwig."  
  
Gilbert raised an eyebrow, "Got a last name? Or are you gonna leave that part out?"

Ludwig sighed and puffed out his cheeks like Gilbert did when he was mildly annoyed, "Yes. I... I have a last name but it would be easier if you assumed it's Beilschmidt. You see, I... we... The Captain of the Guard before you--he was my Grandpa."

Gilbert's eyes widened, "Wow. So your mom, she's his daughter?"

Ludwig nodded, "And you're her son."

"What?"

Ludwig smiled and glanced at Gilbert before looking away, hands behind his back, "You're my big brother. Grandpa told me to tell you when he was gone. He said," Ludwig started using a much deeper voice, obviously trying to imitate the older man, "'Now, Luddy. When you're older and I'm gone you have to find your big brother and tell him that he wasn't just some random kid. And you have to tell him I loved him even when I wanted to tell him he was more than a church drop-off and couldn't.' That's what Grandpa said and if you're Gilbert Beilschmidt, I think you are probably the person I was supposed to find. And he's gone now so when I heard your name I thought I would do what I was supposed to do and tell you."

Gilbert blinked, "Okay, so, how many times have you hit your head kid?"

Ludwig blinked back at him, "None that I know of. Why? Do I have a bump on my head?"  
  
He reached up trying to find this mysterious bump. Gil shook his head, "No I just... there's no way you're my brother. We don't look anything alike and you're a noble right? I'm a commoner. I've always been a commoner."

Ludwig tilted his head to the side, "But you _are_ my big brother. Daddy told me that Mommy was scared that something bad would happen if she kept you. So, she left you with the church. But Grandpa didn't like that. He said she was cow--cowar--not brave--and they stopped talking after that and he went and picked you up from the church and raised you. He told Mommy once when he thought I wasn't nearby that she shouldn't have me because she doesn't have you. Grandpa and Mommy didn't agree on anything."

Eliza thought that Ludwig should've looked sad or upset describing his home life. After all, what he was describing was no little dilemma. In fact, it was more dramatic and unpleasant then a lot of the things Elizaveta could imagine. Yet, Ludwig looked excited and maybe a little proud of his words.

Gil narrowed his eyes at the child, "I'm... I'm part of your family then? I'm a noble? I'm a Beilschmidt by blood?"

Ludwig shrugged, "That depends. But if you ask me then the answer is yes!"

Gilbert blinked, mouth slightly open in amazement, "But why wouldn't he have just told me himself?"

Ludwig shrugged, "He said it was my job when I was older."

Gilbert grinned, "I think you're telling me sooner than he wanted, kid."

Blue eyes blinked back curiously, "But he said to tell you when he was gone and I was older and he's been gone a year and that makes me a whole year older."

Gilbert got up and began walking towards the child, "I think he meant when you were an adult. How old are you anyway?"

Ludwig glanced away shyly, "I turn seven in a couple of weeks. How old are you?"

Gil raised an eyebrow still sounding skeptical, "I'm twenty. I was thirteen when you were born, kid. You got any other brothers and sisters I should know about?"

Blonde hair splashed water everywhere when he shook his head, "No. You were first and I was second and there's no one else. We're the only two."

Gilbert crouched in front of him, "And how do you explain that we look nothing alike?"

"But you do."

Both brothers turned to look at Elizaveta having mostly forgotten her existence, "What?"

Eliza smiled, "You do look alike. Gil, pretend for a second that you've got blonde hair and blue eyes. Or better yet, imagine Ludwig has white hair and red eyes. Then think about it. I know you can't see yourself but I can see both of you and your facial structure is very similar only Ludwig still has a baby face."

They blinked and looked back at each other. Ludwig smiled softly after a few seconds. Gilbert, however, jumped backward in alarm, "Holy shit, you're right."

He looked back at her panicked, "Lizzy you're right. How are you right? There's no way. There's no way this kid has his facts straight. I can't... I can't be his Grandkid. That's just not possible."

Eliza tried to look supportive by softening her gaze, "From what I've heard it seems very possible. How else would he know so much about how you got to the guard? Besides, you described your father as having blonde hair and blue eyes. If you can't deny that Ludwig and he are related then you probably can't deny that you're his brother either."

Gilbert glanced back at Ludwig, "What does your dad look like?"

Ludwig looked up like he was thinking, "Well his hair is a lot lighter than mine but not quite as light as yours. Close though. Oh, but he has brown eyes. Not blue or red. You look a lot like him actually."

Gilbert groaned and flopped onto his uninjured side. Immediately after, he hissed having jolted his shoulder by hitting the ground, "What even is my life?"

Elizaveta laughed and made a come here motion at Ludwig. He looked wary but walked to her slowly anyway. She pushed his hair out of his face, completely off his forehead, "You promise you aren't lying?"

He nodded, "I promise."

She smiled and patted the ground next to her, "Then I guess you'll be waiting out this storm with us. I can't let my guard's little brother go outside in weather like this."  
  
He smiled and nodded, "Okay."

Gil tilted his head towards them, "You know, actually, he shouldn't be in those clothes still. The rain is cold and he'll probably get sick if he keeps them on or doesn't warm up."

Ludwig crossed his arms, "Mommy says it's improper to take your clothes off when girls are around."

The determination in his blue eyes faltered, "But you... why is your shirt off?"

Gilbert shrugged obviously ignoring the fact that his little brother must not have seen the arrow yet, "I'm injured at the moment and you're right it is improper to undress when girls are around and you probably shouldn't start that habit so early... but I'm serious when I say you'll get sick."  
  
The little boys faced turned pink much like Gilbert's when he was embarrassed, "But I can't be naked in front of the princess!"

Gilbert laughed, "Then don't get naked. Shed as much as you can without being naked. She isn't going to tell your mother. It's fine."

Ludwig just glared at his brother, unwilling to follow the instructions. Gilbert laughed, "Well if you insist on getting sick that's fine. But you're going to have to explain where you were to your mom, kiddo."

Blue eyes widened and the suddenly both suspender straps were off his shoulder and he was struggling to undo the buttons on his shirt. Elizaveta watched as the buttons in his fingers continuously slipped out of his wet and shaking fingers. He took a deep breath and then glanced almost helplessly up at her, "I need help. The buttons are too small."

She smiled and reached for him, "Don't worry. They're also wet."

She undid the buttons slowly, stopping when she reached his waist. Gil smirked back at her, "Careful, Lizzy, don't embarrass him."  
  
Ludwig tilted his head to the side and slid his tiny arms out of his sleeves, "I thought your name was Princess Elizaveta, not Lizzy."

She nodded, "It is but Gilbert calls me Lizzy."

His eyebrows furrowed together like he was deep in thought, "Can I call you Lizzy?"

She smiled, "Yes. If you want to."

He nodded and shed his shirt entirely before removing his shoes and socks. Eventually, he found himself sitting next to Eliza in just his shorts, arms crossed. Gilbert laughed, "You can't be that upset about shedding your clothes."

Ludwig glared, "I can and I am."

Eliza laughed and shook her head. She wasn't going to say anything but she couldn't help that think that Gil would've said the same thing in Ludwig's situation.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed your read! All questions, comments, and kudos are appreciated. I hope to see you back next chapter :)


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